Re: I need to vent/peer rejection

[Guest guest]

Hi, Giseli -

It is so sad when other kids treat our kids that way and, unfortunately, it

is not uncommon. Are the other kids the same age as Igor or are they older,

younger? Your response could be dictated by the age of the other kids. When

Josh went into a new daycare setting, we went and did a quick education of the

teachers as to how to handle different situations, including kids that tease

(although they knew how to handle teasing already from various situations).

What they never understood, and what was one reason for pulling Josh from the

daycare eventually, was that they couldn't help him with the socialization

process. It's really hard for our kids to try to get other kids to play with

them - the other kids need to understand the language issues and, I see your son

has hypotonia, any issues relating to that. I know the Josh's friends from the

neighborhood have a hard time with the speech issues but, by playing with him

more and more, they are starting to understand his words. I

also know that, because of Josh's hypotonia and motor planning issues, he

simply doesn't " work " or play as fast as some of the other kids - something they

have a harder time dealing with - it's hard to keep 6-year-olds on the slow

track. But, I've talked with some of the kids - they genuinely want to know

" what's wrong " with Josh and why he talks differently so I've found a way, over

the years, to direct that talk to the age level - explaining that he understands

everything they are saying, including the not so nice things that sometimes come

from them, but has a harder time saying his words right now.

Maybe if you talk to the parents of the kids who are shunning Igor or, if

one of them shows some interest in playing with him, then talk to that kid.

Once you get one, you may get them all! Also, you sound like you're doing OK

with Igor's side of things - being supportive and encouraging is probably the

best way to handle it - explain that some kids don't understand, yet, that there

are different types of people in the world - people with brown hair, blonde

hair, blue eyes, green eyes, people who walk, people who don't, and people who

speak differently - whether it's from an accent or because they are from a

different land, or because they are a " late talker. " It's a hard lesson to

learn, and even harder to learn that, even with those differences, we are all

alike and need to be treated the same - treated well and with respect.

I'm afraid I will be facing a similar situation starting today - Josh has

been accepted by pretty much all of the kids in his school but, today, we start

soccer practice and he will be with kids from other schools. I've already

spoken with the coach but we'll see what happens - I'm pretty nervous about it.

Good luck to you, Gisela. It is not easy raising a child with any type of

delay or condition but you sound like you're doing OK - and venting here is

highly recommended!

;-)

Sherry

Giseli Vargas <giseliroberts@...> wrote:

Today I had a alful day. We went to meet some friends in the camp site. My

friends kids totally ignore my son.

I just don't know what to do!!! My son is 4 years now, He love to stay with

kids, and he will try to stay with then even if they say for him to go away. If

I go to a supermarket he always remember to buy candys for kids that excludes

him of any play. It break my heart! I don't know what to do, if I should pick up

the kids and explain what my son have or how he speaks different... Or if I

should tell my son that sometimes people will not like you, how I tell this for

a 4 years old??!!???

It's always with the same group of kids that know my son since he was a baby.

I'm not american and this friends belong to our small Brazilian community. But

every time we meet them I left felling sad to my son. They make me fell that I'm

always making a big deal of everything including my son " speech delay " . They say

that the other kids don't met my son enough that's why they don't like him. That

my son is always in therapy. bla bla bla...

My son today looked to me and said: I am tad tad tad (sad, sad, sad). I want

play with this boys mommy. But every time he goes there they you say go away.

What should I do? I am in tears because I stayed the last two hours trying to

show a little boy how much loved he is, and how much a lot of people care about

him. I don't have family near by and you guys are the only people I have to

vent. I'm sorry for the sad email.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sherry,

Thank you and the others who send me a email, it help me to put my head to work

better. I hope everything went ok in the soccer game. We start soccer with my

son in a special kids league (top soccer). He loved, because there's no

competition, everybody gets the ball, everybody makes a goal. The parents are

happy because the kids are happy, it's a stress free event and I need that!!!

Thank you very much,

Giseli

Sherry wrote:

Hi, Giseli -

It is so sad when other kids treat our kids that way and, unfortunately,

it is not uncommon. Are the other kids the same age as Igor or are they older,

younger? Your response could be dictated by the age of the other kids. When

Josh went into a new daycare setting, we went and did a quick education of the

teachers as to how to handle different situations, including kids that tease

(although they knew how to handle teasing already from various situations).

What they never understood, and what was one reason for pulling Josh from the

daycare eventually, was that they couldn't help him with the socialization

process. It's really hard for our kids to try to get other kids to play with

them - the other kids need to understand the language issues and, I see your son

has hypotonia, any issues relating to that. I know the Josh's friends from the

neighborhood have a hard time with the speech issues but, by playing with him

more and more, they are starting to understand his words. I

also know that, because of Josh's hypotonia and motor planning issues, he

simply doesn't " work " or play as fast as some of the other kids - something they

have a harder time dealing with - it's hard to keep 6-year-olds on the slow

track. But, I've talked with some of the kids - they genuinely want to know

" what's wrong " with Josh and why he talks differently so I've found a way, over

the years, to direct that talk to the age level - explaining that he understands

everything they are saying, including the not so nice things that sometimes come

from them, but has a harder time saying his words right now.

Maybe if you talk to the parents of the kids who are shunning Igor or, if

one of them shows some interest in playing with him, then talk to that kid.

Once you get one, you may get them all! Also, you sound like you're doing OK

with Igor's side of things - being supportive and encouraging is probably the

best way to handle it - explain that some kids don't understand, yet, that there

are different types of people in the world - people with brown hair, blonde

hair, blue eyes, green eyes, people who walk, people who don't, and people who

speak differently - whether it's from an accent or because they are from a

different land, or because they are a " late talker. " It's a hard lesson to

learn, and even harder to learn that, even with those differences, we are all

alike and need to be treated the same - treated well and with respect.

I'm afraid I will be facing a similar situation starting today - Josh has

been accepted by pretty much all of the kids in his school but, today, we start

soccer practice and he will be with kids from other schools. I've already

spoken with the coach but we'll see what happens - I'm pretty nervous about it.

Good luck to you, Gisela. It is not easy raising a child with any type of

delay or condition but you sound like you're doing OK - and venting here is

highly recommended!

;-)

Sherry