Re: My 3 yr old son with a HUGE need for control - HELP!!

[Guest guest]

From a speech pathologist perspective, do not stop the speech. It is

important to get a therapist who has knowledge of behavior. If he throws a fit

and

gets out of work, then his FIT is reinforced and will occur again. As long as

sickness, etc. is ruled out, persistence through theses FITS is felt to be

essential. Hope I helped

Jodi Schechtman Speech Services

Jodi Schechtman MA-CCC-SLP

856-810-2555

fax:856-810-2557

jodispeech@...

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure why they think it is unusual for a 2.9 year old to have a

huge need to control. We always say...the child (especially children

who may have speech issues and lots of frustration, possibly even

receptive speech problems) needs to be comforted if he is upset, but

doesn't need to get his own way.

Peace,

Kathy E.

On Jun 10, 2004, at 10:21 PM, TRB wrote:

> Help Please...

> It has been a long and exhausting week. Aidan, our 2.9 mos old son

> with 'probable apraxia' had his special ed preschool eval on Monday,

> following an OT appt that morning, had a speech session yesterday

> (with a brand new Early Intervention Therapist), and another speech

> session this afternoon. He was a total 'monster' at his eval,

> wouldn't do anything that was asked of him and actually became quite

> destructive but not in an aggressive manner. They had us in the

> same room at the time, probably a big mistake.

>

> Then at the IEP meeting on Wednesday his Early Intervention

> Representative questioned why he feels such a need to control the

> situation and can be quite resistive. Really, it is a day to day

> thing....some days he can be quite happy and accommadating, but he

> is very strong willed and determined to have things done the way he

> wants it (not that we always allow it to be that way). He is

> currently receiving 3 speech sessions a week and one OT visit a week.

>

> He had his first major tantrum during this afternoon's speech

> session with the new therapist (third session for them both). She

> is quite mature in age and not as creative or energetic as his

> previous two therapists. I sent Aidan to another room to complete

> his tantrum while explaining that he could rejoin the session when

> he was done crying. He settled down after 10 minutes and then

> completed the session. I just didn't want him to think that he

> could begin to get out of speech sessions by throwing a fit. This

> therapist then questioned his strong need to control every situation

> (obviously she had been talking to her supervisor since they both

> made the same comment in the same week).

>

> I'm exhausted. Are we pushing too much? Should we back off on the

> speech? How should I respond when he isn't compliant? The

> therapist just kind of let's him stand there and throw his fit. I

> feel like we are taking a huge step backwards in regard to his

> resistance (he has been receiving speech for a year). Any ideas

> would be GREATLY appreciated!!

> ~Tracey in WI

[Guest guest]

Tracey -

It does seem like a lot within a short period of time. On the other hand,

Aidan is at the age, as you probably know, that kids are going to throw tantrums

and push limits. He's almost 3 years old - the perfect tantrum age! As for

" controlling " his settings - he's a 3-year-old who normally has very little

control over his environment, even less if he isn't able to communicate in a way

others can understand all the time. Even 3-year-olds without apraxia throw

tantrums and try to control their environment - everyone else is trying to

control them, so they try to break out. I think the way you handled the tantrum

was great! I also think the Intervention Representative and the speech

therapist need to be reminded that he is only almost 3 and he's doing what is

socially appropriate (yet obviously annoying ; - ) ) things for a kid that age.

Take a deep breath, Tracey, you're doing great.

Sherry

TRB <thosebishops@...> wrote:

Help Please...

It has been a long and exhausting week. Aidan, our 2.9 mos old son

with 'probable apraxia' had his special ed preschool eval on Monday,

following an OT appt that morning, had a speech session yesterday

(with a brand new Early Intervention Therapist), and another speech

session this afternoon. He was a total 'monster' at his eval,

wouldn't do anything that was asked of him and actually became quite

destructive but not in an aggressive manner. They had us in the

same room at the time, probably a big mistake.

Then at the IEP meeting on Wednesday his Early Intervention

Representative questioned why he feels such a need to control the

situation and can be quite resistive. Really, it is a day to day

thing....some days he can be quite happy and accommadating, but he

is very strong willed and determined to have things done the way he

wants it (not that we always allow it to be that way). He is

currently receiving 3 speech sessions a week and one OT visit a week.

He had his first major tantrum during this afternoon's speech

session with the new therapist (third session for them both). She

is quite mature in age and not as creative or energetic as his

previous two therapists. I sent Aidan to another room to complete

his tantrum while explaining that he could rejoin the session when

he was done crying. He settled down after 10 minutes and then

completed the session. I just didn't want him to think that he

could begin to get out of speech sessions by throwing a fit. This

therapist then questioned his strong need to control every situation

(obviously she had been talking to her supervisor since they both

made the same comment in the same week).

I'm exhausted. Are we pushing too much? Should we back off on the

speech? How should I respond when he isn't compliant? The

therapist just kind of let's him stand there and throw his fit. I

feel like we are taking a huge step backwards in regard to his

resistance (he has been receiving speech for a year). Any ideas

would be GREATLY appreciated!!

~Tracey in WI

[Guest guest]

Jodi~

Thank you for your professional opinion. Believe it or not, I am a

Preschool Behavior Consultant. I definitely did not want to

encourage the tantrum by letting him get out of the therapy session

yesterday, hence the reason I forced him to continue. I guess what I

am questioning is whether my more behavioral approach is

jeapordizing the effectiveness of his therapy if he is overwhelmed

by too many sessions.

Your opinion has been very helpful, as it was the piece I was

looking for. My question now is: how much of the

behavior/resistance is my issue to be dealt with during an in-home

speech session (where I am only occasionally in the room)or the

therapist's? His previous therapists would energetically redirect

him by being physically playful. This therapist just waits with the

hope that Aidan will return to a 'not so fun' activity.

He has another session with her this afternoon, scheduled for a much

earlier time in the day - we'll see how it goes!

~ Tracey

> From a speech pathologist perspective, do not stop the speech. It

is

> important to get a therapist who has knowledge of behavior. If he

throws a fit and

> gets out of work, then his FIT is reinforced and will occur again.

As long as

> sickness, etc. is ruled out, persistence through theses FITS is

felt to be

> essential. Hope I helped

>

>

> Jodi Schechtman Speech Services

> Jodi Schechtman MA-CCC-SLP

> 856-810-2555

> fax:856-810-2557

> jodispeech@a...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have to agree with Kathy E. on this one. This is a mistake that my

husband and I were making early on with my son Drew, until it was

pointed out to me that a child this age usually wants more direction,

and really doesn't want to do the directing. They need structure,

and at the early stages on therapy, that takes a while to know the

routine. Fortunately, the alternative is not so much the child

getting their way, but also if they are so frustrated with something,

you don't keep doing it and doing it and doing it, because it makes

them more frustrated. Move onto something else, and go back to it

another time, whether it's later in the session, or a completely

different day. You'd be surprised what a huge difference that makes.

My son, who's just turned 3 last week, is definitely getting into a

very big frustration stage right now, as he's really making some good

attempts to say things to us that end up being just pure babble. I'll

even repeat his babble to him, and he'll say, " Yeah! " , as if to

indicate that yes, I said exactly what he said, even if it didn't

make sense. I used to be able to figure out, due to the context and

sounds he was making, what he was trying to say, but I'm really at a

loss now, so it's frustrating for us too. You just have to reassure

your child that you appreciate how hard they are working in getting

those words out and using their words, and that Mom's ears are not

always working either, and that you are trying to learn to listen

better too. (It'd be the truth, right?) It helps assure them that

their efforts are not in vain, and to keep trying! They'll get it

eventually!

But control issues? Nah...it's probably the same problem I've had and

still have... being consistent. It's normal for a kid this age to

have tantrums, but if you pick your battles and remind them that you

are the boss, not them, and be consistent in how to handle things,

the tantrums usually fizzle out quicker.

Hope this helps!

le (mom to Drew, age 3, apraxia, DSI, hypotonia, and starting

to recognize how to read some words!!)

> I'm not sure why they think it is unusual for a 2.9 year old to

have a

> huge need to control. We always say...the child (especially

children

> who may have speech issues and lots of frustration, possibly even

> receptive speech problems) needs to be comforted if he is upset,

but

> doesn't need to get his own way.

>

> Peace,

> Kathy E.