Re: Re: Lost Glasses

[Guest guest]

It sounds like something really odd is going on here and no one wants to admit

fault.

IMO don't talk to the headteacher about the 'naughtiness' in class - talk to

s teacher, the person who really is in the know- try not to be defensive -

(having spent rather a lot of time with dd2s teacher recently I've got a lot of

experience in this ).

I think you have every reason to demand an apology for him from the head and you

should have been told.

DD1 acts as a 'mentor' for a boy in her class who manages to get himself into

every form of difficulty imaginable but she is the first to jump to his defense

if he is unjustly accused of doing something he shouldn't by other children or

teachers, mind you she comes down on him like a ton of bricks if he lets her

down.

Caroline

ANT Jersey

> Now what has really annoyed me ( and I might just be flying off the handle

> here ) is -

>

> Why didn't she ring me to tell me that was off the hook? (Was she

> ever going to ring me)

>

> Why mention his naughtiness now if it didn't have anything to do with the

> matter in hand?

>

> Why has this naughtiness in class never been mentioned before?

>

> It was almost as if she considered him a 'naughty child' anyway so it didn't

> matter if he had been wrongly accused of something.

>

> Is it me or has this whole situation been handled badly by the school?

>

>

[Guest guest]

& Fairweather wrote:

>

Is it me or has this whole situation been handled badly by the school?

>

No - it's not you. I think both you and deserve an apology each

for the wrongful accusations.

Lesley Moor

[Guest guest]

I'd write to the head asking for an apology. The " naughtiness " thing is a

cover up for the false accusation.

Lesley

ANT, Trainee BFC, Mother of Three

Worthing

" The birds of unhappiness may fly overhead

but don't let them nest in your hair " - Chinese Proverb

Re: Lost Glasses

> Right I'm really annoyed now!

>

> And in the absence of my mother to rant on to I'm going to use this forum.

> Sorry but I've got to get it off my chest

>

> Went to the school this morning to have a chat with Head about the

glasses.

> The underlying tone (although she never actually said) was she thought

> *had* thrown the glasses in the bin because he had been seen by

this

> other pupil.

>

> But this other pupil didn't know the person she had seen. She had spotted

> the next day and said that was the person she had seen and she had

> then told the mother of the girl whose glasses they were that it was

> Fairweather who had thrown them in the bin.

>

> I told Head that couldn't have put them in the bin as I was in

sight

> of the bin at home time when this was supposed to have happened and he had

> gone nowhere near it. She seemed to 'brush over' this. So I then asked

what

> desription the girl had given and she said that a green cap had been

> mentioned. has never owned let alone wore a green school cap. I

told

> her this and she said 'Oh I must be mistaken I'm not sure where I got the

> green school cap from'. So I asked her what was going to happen next and

she

> said she'd go and speak to the girl who had said she had seen and

get

> back to me.

>

> Hometime - I pick up and ask if the glasses have been mentioned and

> he says a description was given out in assembly and that he description

> included a green school cap (Coincidence?). So I ring the head again and

she

> says that the girl has now said about a green school cap and also the boy

> had black flicked-up hair (Dan is very blonde). She tells me about the

> description being given out in assembly and then says that she had to tell

> Dan off in Assembly 3 times for talking. She also said his teacher has

said

> he is being naughty in class. I asked her how long this naughtiness has

been

> going on as I am confused as to what this has to do with the glasses and

she

> says 'a while'. So I ask what this has to do with the glasses and she

says

> nothing except she thought she ought to mention it in case Dan told me he

> had been told off in assembly and I thought it was to do with the glasses.

I

> then asked her if was still considered A suspect and she said no

and

> then quickly said goodbye and rang off.

>

> Now what has really annoyed me ( and I might just be flying off the handle

> here ) is -

>

> Why didn't she ring me to tell me that was off the hook? (Was she

> ever going to ring me)

>

> Why mention his naughtiness now if it didn't have anything to do with the

> matter in hand?

>

> Why has this naughtiness in class never been mentioned before?

>

> It was almost as if she considered him a 'naughty child' anyway so it

didn't

> matter if he had been wrongly accused of something.

>

> Is it me or has this whole situation been handled badly by the school?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Live chat /chat/nct-coffee

>

> Have you found out about all the other groups for the NCT online?

>

>

[Guest guest]

> I'd write to the head asking for an apology. The " naughtiness " thing is a

> cover up for the false accusation.

>

> Lesley

> ANT, Trainee BFC, Mother of Three

> Worthing

rang the head and asked her if she was going to ring and tell us that

wasn't suspected anymore. She said she would have but she was busy in

meetings all day. pointed out that this was important to us as it had

been on our minds all day and we would have liked to have known sooner that

it wasn't Dan. She said that she thought she had been very accommodating of

us already seeing as she had seen me that morning at short notice. (Sorry

but I thought part of her job is to meet parents and anyway she was the one

who brought the problem to us initially).

then asked her if she was going to tell the girls mum that it wasn't

. She said yes she would as they couldn't prove it was .

said 'No you have proof that it *wasn't* '. He asked if the mother can

be told straight away and the head said she would try but again she *is*

busy.

I'm going to write a letter I think because we still haven't had an apology

and as far as I'm concerned if the school had done their job properly then

should never have been accused in the first place. Not sure whether

to copy the governors in as well or is this going over the top?

As for the naughtiness Dan is naughty but not in a vindictive way just in a

kind of Tom Sawyer/Just way. He can be very boisterous at times. I

think though that the school shouldn't stifle him completely as this is in

his nature. To label him as they have seems a bit over the top as most of

his naughtiness comes down to him just being a child and getting excited

over things etc. Isn't this what children do? Shouldn't a school know that?

[Guest guest]

Sadly , as the mother of two quiet little girls and one boisterous boy

I have to say that all three of the schools we have so far have contact with

seem to be geared up for nice, middle class, well behaved girls. If they

can't sit still and be quiet on the carpet then the school label them as

naughty. I'm sure its not just me being paranoid, other friends with boys

have said the same. They could do with Steve Biddulph giving them input.

Trouble is most primary teachers and heads are female. Sounds horribly

sexist and I do hope I don't mortally offend the teachers out there. I'm

not saying that all teachers are like this but some schools definitely only

seem to be able to manage their numbers by having this very female mafia

movement going.

Alison S will probably be able to advise you but can a minor sue for

defamation of character? Not that you would....but they don't know that.

Hope you manage to re-establish good relations. I have to say I find the

whole system completely infuriating and completely hostile to the notion

that I might have some insight into my children and how they should be

educated.

Sorry, probably depressed you even more now )

Lesley

ANT, Trainee BFC, Mother of Three

Worthing

" The birds of unhappiness may fly overhead

but don't let them nest in your hair " - Chinese Proverb

Re: Re: Lost Glasses

>

> > I'd write to the head asking for an apology. The " naughtiness " thing is

a

> > cover up for the false accusation.

> >

> > Lesley

> > ANT, Trainee BFC, Mother of Three

> > Worthing

>

>

> rang the head and asked her if she was going to ring and tell us

that

> wasn't suspected anymore. She said she would have but she was busy

in

> meetings all day. pointed out that this was important to us as it

had

> been on our minds all day and we would have liked to have known sooner

that

> it wasn't Dan. She said that she thought she had been very accommodating

of

[Guest guest]

Jumping in on cue here. Minors can issue court proceedings as an adult can, but

it has to be an adult acting on their behalf. Defamation is not something I

would advise anyone to get involved with unless you have pots of money to start

with.

On the question of the accusation, whatever happened to innocent until proven

guilty? Sounds to me as though it's a case of give a dog a bad name and hang

him. OK so is " naughty " . Most boys are in school and I agree totally

with 's assessment of what schools are geared up to cope with - nice little

girls, eager to please, who sit quietly. Boys are *not* like that, generally

speaking. They are born with ants in their pants. As some of you know, my

eldest (now 7 and in Year 2) has had " problems " since starting school, mainly

because he is incapable (in school anyway - put him on the computer at home, or

doing lego, and he can stay still for hours on end) of sitting still and quietly

for any length of time. We had a consultation with his teacher the other week

where she spoke of his individuality and what an unusual but lovely child he is.

Her concern was that, although they have accommodated his behaviour so far, this

is unlikely to continue in the Juniors, so I have no doubt that, next year, I

will be in school 4 days out of 5 having to discuss his " naughtiness " .

I think the head jumped on the suggestion that had taken the glasses,

and, when she discovered that she was totally wrong, raised his naughtiness as a

cover and justification for having accused him. Demand an apology (a public one

if he has been accused publicly - he needs to know that everyone is aware that

he was not even remotely involved) and copy your letter to the governors, if you

feel it appropriate. The head has already shown that she is not prepared to

accept that her handling of this matter was at fault.

HTH

Alison

Alison S will probably be able to advise you but can a minor sue for

defamation of character? Not that you would....but they don't know that.

Hope you manage to re-establish good relations. I have to say I find the

whole system completely infuriating and completely hostile to the notion

that I might have some insight into my children and how they should be

educated.

[Guest guest]

>>Is it me or has this whole situation been handled badly by the school?

<<

I do sympathise.

I am (as you might have read) on the other end of things, so to speak, where my

son has been bullied.The school hasn't told any of the parents involved and I am

now told that none of the parents believe that has been bullied (although

the head has talked to the boys and they admitted it) as the school hasn't said

anything and therefore it cannot have been happening as none of their children

would ever do anything like that!!

I would have thought that the Head should have at least talked properly to the

other children involved before accusing your son, and if he is naughty in class

this is not a good time to discuss it even if you are on the phone as it has

nothing to do with the immediate problem of the glasses.

Can you see his teacher to ask about his classroom behaviour?

Mc

SAHM 6, Olivia 3, 2, 15/3/00

Nearly Ex-Editor Wallingford and District

[Guest guest]

> This sort of thing happened to me several times at school. I was a

> shy dreamy child, and the more savvy kids could point the finger at

> me when something happened and teachers demanded to know 'whodunit'.

> Liz

Happened to me too - a boy pinched my yellow ruler which came out of a very

nice maths 'set' - protractors, pair of compasses, etc. He counter-claimed

that I`d stolen it, teacher believed him so I was in the wrong & got blown

up. So I 'apologised' profusely to him, looking him in the eye, knowing

that he 'knew'. Then I nicked it back later in the afternoon.

Highly satisfactory, I thought at the time!!!

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Thanks for everyones replies. I ranted a bit I know but it made me feel

better and I thought you all wouldn't mind as you can press delete if you

get fed-up with me!

You also helped me to be more objective whilst writing a letter of complaint

as it is all too easy to become over-emotional about these things (well it

is for me anyway)

Alison S - Thanks for your info on suing for defamation of character. I

haven't mentioned it in my letter to the school. However it may be useful

information to have if the matter is not resolved shortly. Yes I wondered

about 'innocent until proven guilty' too. Must not apply to schools!

- No you didn't depress me, it was good to have someone agree with my

suspicion - that some schools are not geared up for boys. I think most

schools idea of the model pupil is an averagely intelligent, studious,

quiet, and unambitious child. Anyone else they have trouble dealing with.

Liz - Yes it had occured to me that some form of bullying was going on here.

has had some female attention from a girl in his class recently and I

even wondered if jealously came into it somewhere. It was a girl that

'dobbed him' in. No proof of this though so I haven't mentioned the bullying

to the school. I suspect they do not have a code of conduct that covers

bullying. At least I have never seen one. I may check up on that at a later

date.

- I am going to see his class teacher separately about the naughtiness

issue ( unfortunately she is on sick leave at the moment)

I sent a letter to the governors as well as the head. The letters should

have arrived today. I let you know what the response is, if you are

interested.

[Guest guest]

Yes, please let us know what replies you get to your letters.

I have been following this thread with interest. My eldest son is due to

start mainstream school in September - he is on the high functioning end of

the autistic spectrum with some characteristics of Aspergers Syndrome and/or

DAMP (disorders of attention, motor control and perception). No specific

label yet, of course! My main worry about him going to school is that he

may not always understand what is going on or read body language very well

(language /communication difficulties) and could therefore be an easy target

for bullies!

Hope things are resolved for you really soon.

Thinking of you

Kim Pike

Wallingford/Didcot NCT - Branch Librarian/Gen. Ctte Member