NCU message from LES

[Guest guest]

Hi - I know some of you have been wondering about our Les in the mists of the highlands of Scotland. Well, I just received a message from him and he said I could share this latest urticaria experience with the list:

About a month ago I was silly to ignore a telltale tingling on my tongue when I went to bed and sure enough, I woke up several hours later with a tennis ball in my mouth! It was quite the worst it had ever been. Firstly I tried taking some out of date presdoline (It’s been so long since I last considered it, I can remember how to spell it!). The problem was that I couldn’t swallow the little blighters. They sort of disappeared in my mouth and got locked into the few cavities available to them, and my mouth turned red as they happily dissolved. Given the colour of my uncontrollable dribbling at this point, I realised that not much was reaching it’s target. I decided that the only way forward was the dreaded EPI-PEN (even though it was two years out of date!) Now me and injections don’t like each other, and after various delaying measures including jotting down a quick last will and testament, I decided to wake the wife. She was not impressed with my plan that she should play nursie and do the dreaded deed. She reluctantly and sleepily studied the instructions, and positioned the pen on my thigh. I thought about the nicest thing I could think of, I think it was haggis and neeps, and heard the ‘click’. Quite correctly, and as per the instructions, Jeanette held the pen on my thigh for ten seconds whilst I thought that that was really OK after all and certainly nothing to worry about. Suddenly she was sucking her thumb and chasing around the bedroom. She had had the pen the wrong way round and the needle had passed through her thumb and thumb-nail. We’re not sure how it managed this but she has the hole in the nail now to prove it! There are times when one is not sure whether to cry or laugh and Jeanette was caught in this dilemma. I apparently, just dribbled a lot more!

So it had to be off to hospital at 3.30 in the morning at Jeanette’s insistence, although I’m sure she was being swayed by the need for some reassurances concerning her own condition by now. I had my injections of adrenaline and they insisted on giving me the only antihistamine they had, despite my comment that it didn’t do anything for me. There were the usual comments that CU was very easily treated, had I consulted a Specialist, had I had tests, and had I ever been shown how to use an Epi-Pen. I explained that I had seen the Specialist for eight bloody years, had tests which I never knew the results of, had never been offered an Epi-Pen let alone shown how to use one, and my Doctor who prescribed one for me on my request, had never heard of them!

It was thought necessary that I stay in hospital for at least eight hours as that they would need to take an important blood test. I also should see the Consultant when he was on his rounds. At 11.00am, the Consultant and about ten others in white coats gathered around my bed and the Consultant lectured me on CU! Apparently this CU is very easily dealt with, a few tests would soon establish the cause, that in the meantime I should know how to use an Epi-Pen. His young friends in white coats were all nodding in agreement and I can remember thinking that they will be Consultants sometime and would be repeating all this same crap! I was told that the Pharmacist would return soon with a new pen and would also show me how to use one properly. I quipped that having now established which end was which, I did not foresee any problems in the future but this did not go down well with the group! No mention was made of the important blood tests and I wickedly didn’t mention it either.

An hour later I was asked if I would be there for lunch! Another hour passed before they asked for my bed and would I mind waiting in the day room. Lunch arrived and I regretted my earlier hasty decision! For the next two hours I dozed happily despite being woken up twice to be asked if I were a Hamish Mac! It was now 2.00pm so I went back to work. At 3.00pm an irate nurse phoned me to say that they had a search party out for me!!! I sheepishly returned to the hospital and was publicly humiliated in a corridor by this four foot six dragon of a nurse! The compensation was that the Pharmacist was young, attractive and very nice to me, and didn’t seem at all perturbed with my disappearing act. And guess what? She had a boyfriend who suffered from CU! For the first time I was talking to a professional who actually understood the problem. Of course I was immediately in love but having established that the boyfriend was some beer-swigging second-row rugby player I decided to pop off back to the office………

Les