Thank You for Replying

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/4/04 12:43:54 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

ric94_1836@... writes:

> it has forced me to reevaluate

> my life and what am I giving to it, not only in terms of personal

> benefit, but towards the needs of others, even to attempting simple

> acts of kindness on a daily basis. I have definitely developed a more

> refined sense of a spiritually based awareness; money and simple-

> selfaggrandizement are not important to me, making a positive

> difference in someone else's life is

Ric ... What a wonderful writer you are! Yes, I have felt this ... and again

recently at a more intense level than I could ever have imagined. Imagine

a-fib being the LEAST of the medical worries? When I spent two and a half days

of the 11 in the hospital thinking I had leukemia or lymphoma, all the things

you mentioned worked through me. As a hospice volunteer for over 9 years, I

know far too much about cancer and life-threatening diseases to not know what

that diagnosis would hold for me. Even in the relief of learning that I

probably do NOT have those diseases, it immediately came to me that somewhere in

that hospital was someone who was not getting the good news I was getting. I

still felt sick enough to want to die, but I wanted to live desperately and I

knew it. And I felt such compassion for all those who would get a different

prognosis. And I thought of all the hospice patients I have had the privilege

to

serve in 9 years, and how all that experience and all that training I had

before I even began volunteering meant nothing in light of an actual diagnosis

like that. In spite of all my background, I had no idea what it felt like to

truly get that diagnosis myself.

I have changed at some deep level, much like your post mentions. I have not

yet figured out how it will play out in my life, but my spiritual awareness

and reaching out has increased and my treasuring of life as well. I, too, am

grateful for this community, online though it may be. I've been able to whine

and wail and piss and moan and receive nothing but support and love and caring.

I've been able to realize others live with this debilitating condition and

totally understand the " quality of life " issues the doctors seem to minimize.

I treasure this group and the individuals that make it up. Thanks for the

post ... you've stirred a lot of emotions in me. Good ones.

Toni

CA

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 9/4/2004 12:43:54 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

ric94_1836@... writes:

> Thank

> you (Seattle); dancing is a lifeline--is it also one for you?

> Again, I would be interseted to know if any of you have had a

> spiritual/emotional postive experience from our affliction. Blessed

> Be.

>

>

Hi, Ric,

Yes, I think that accepting and dealing with afib has definitely promoted for

me an awareness of mortality and the need to treasure every moment, whether

in sinus or afib. I no longer take normality for granted. I am grateful when

I am in sinus, but I am also grateful when I am in afib that my situation is

not as bad as that which some others experience. I am not dying of cancer,

heart disease or some other ominous malady. Also, I have developed more

compassion for others and a desire to help as I have been helped in my battle

against

afib. In addition, my life certainly has acquired more discipline in regard

to activities, stress, food, and drink because I have more awareness of the

priorities in life. If I drink that ice cold tea or Pepsi or eat that spicy

spaghetti with loads of parmesan, which I love, I know that I will be in such

stomach distress with ultimate afib as to make it difficult to do the things

that

are most important to me. So I have developed more strength in choosing my

life activities more carefully in terms of my goals.

Although dance is certainly not a lifeline to me, as it is to you, music is

very important to me. I have not studied dance extensively and as an adult

have danced only when it has been demanded as part of a musical production.

(That is unless you count my brief foray as a five year old into ballet, tap,

and

hula (!), of all things. My mom decided that I was not cut out to wear a

grass skirt :-) and stopped the lessons when I demonstrated signs of childhood

burnout from too much activity.) I started piano at the same time as my hula

adventures, but piano stuck and has been a major part of my life ever since.

Along the way, I also added singing and 'cello. All three are like breathing to

me: indispensable. However, even in those activities that I love, I have to

be careful. I guess the heart can't tell the difference between real and

artistic emotion, because I have developed ectopics from getting too emotionally

involved in piano or 'cello playing, but especially in singing because of the

breathing component. For example, a couple of weeks ago when I was in a period

of ectopics after my infamous fall, I sang a sustained high note with lots of

breath suppport and really felt faint. I sang through the note despite the

dizziness and felt as if I would faint after I released it. A few days ago I

sang the same note with no problem at all. So I have to be careful, but I am

again grateful that I can pursue any musical activity I want but with care.

You could say that music is a lifeline for me, but unlike you, I wouldn't make

it as a dancer!

in sinus in Seattle

[Guest guest]

Greetings to all of you:

Just a brief missive in order to thank you for the supportive

commentary concerning my latest bout with the " Beast " ; that anxiety-

producing shadow of mortality that lends towards a contemplation of

what constitutes a valued existence. I am still experiencing a few

cardiac " hiccups " , though it is nothing on the level that led me to

compose a message several days ago, when I was giving serious thought

towards making my way to the nearest ER. I am somewhtat (perversely)

relieved to discover that food-related trigger episodes are not

unique to my person; even as I crave an ice-cold soft drink I must

weigh the consequences of riding the stress coaster if my pump

decides to " voice " its objections...but, oh goodness--a diet cola

sounds so good to me at this point in time!

I guess I may be considered fortunate in the fact that my meds have

now been reduced to a single daily ingestion of a 50mg Atenolol

tablet. Not so fortunate has been my loss of med insurance, though

even when I was making full use of it, the physicians did not seem so

overly concerned--I agree wholeheartedly (there is a pun somewhere in

there) that a few of those esteemed M.D.'s should " walk a mile in our

shoes " , as I do not believe they would be so irritatingly casual

about this frightening problem.

There is a great deal of value in the forging of a community such

as this, as the otherwise lone encounter with A-Fib could drive one

to a black degree of despondency and despair. I have

attempted " relaxation " techniques when my attacks have occured, but

so far have had little in the way of success, as one is never sure if

the next " bump " is a precursor to an even larger problem. I am

physically active, engage in classical dance classes and maintain a

diet rich in fresh fruits and vegetables--things I trust will

minimize the impact of A-Fib upon my heart and person, though from

what I have gathered by reading these posts ( and may attest to) the

emotional cost is quite draining. I have only had three major get-

thee- to- the- hospital episodes, including the initial diagnosis,

since 1996, but those close " in-betweeners " have been too many to

count.

Strangely enough, I have begun to see our shared malady as

something of an unusual blessing, as it has forced me to reevaluate

my life and what am I giving to it, not only in terms of personal

benefit, but towards the needs of others, even to attempting simple

acts of kindness on a daily basis. I have definitely developed a more

refined sense of a spiritually based awareness; money and simple-

selfaggrandizement are not important to me, making a positive

difference in someone else's life is...I hope this doesn't come

across as a wan attempt to polish my own self-image; it is just that

I sense this from others in our stiuation, especially from those on

this board. Have any of you had similar thoughts/experiences as to

our A-Fib being a plus in you life/lives? I feel I have slowly but

surely become a different, hopefully better person since I was

diagnosed.

Again, thank you all for your commentary/advice/consolation. Thank

you (Seattle); dancing is a lifeline--is it also one for you?

Again, I would be interseted to know if any of you have had a

spiritual/emotional postive experience from our affliction. Blessed

Be.

ric

[Guest guest]

Ric,

I just wanted to offer my encouragement. The symptoms you described fit me

to a T. I have stopped drinking colas and cut way back on coffee‹I never

drink coffee that isn¹t at least partly decaffeinated. (In the morning I

drink half coffee and half decaf; later in the day I have a decaf.) If you

decide to cut back on coffee, go slowly. The side effects of cold turkey

aren¹t worth it. I quit colas cold turkey, however, and within a week had

no more side effects. But the cravings took a couple more weeks to quiet

down. My biggest trigger seems to be a glass of wine, red or white.

--

Kathleen Stept (Dofetilide 250mcg bid, Diltiazem 120 mg, Coumadin 5mg, baby

aspirin), , Mississippi