Re: tell me what you want

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone -

I've seen this phrase in several emails lately - that someone in a child's

life says to the child " tell me what you want " and the child gets very

frustrated. A couple of months ago I went to a seminar that Kaufman did

for SLP/SLT in Schaumburg, IL. Part of her method is to have the

parent/teacher/caretaker/whoever do the following (and I hope I have this right

- we've been doing it with Josh and it really works):

1) child wants something (to go out, to have a cookie, whatever) and indicates

he wants it

2) parent says, " Do you want _____? " (fill in what the child wants)

3) child responds in some way (nodding, grunting, whatever)

4) parent says, " Say 'I want __________.' " (parent either lets the child have

the time to say the word or prompts the child to start the word or an

approximation)

The idea is to help the child build the vocabulary, help learn the word in terms

of the muscles and sounds involved, have a conversation, and learn that asking

with words will get stuff for the child rather than grunting or something like

that. Even if your child doesn't have words yet, it can be done with

approximations.

Just a suggestion.

Sherry

Toni W <mommybizz@...> wrote:

This is similar to the way Hope's speech therapist and teachers are with

her. They wait for her to respond to a question and she has to ask for what

she wants, but they dont force it. Most of her words dont come out right,

but when you come back with " oh you want____ " and you've understood what she

was trying to say she tells you " right " . The attempt is what they want her

to do. If it starts coming out right, fantastic. But as long as she

attempts to say it, they're happy.

That is what we do at home with her too. Just pointing, grunting and

throwing a fit doestnt tell us what she's after and it doesnt get responded

to. I usually tell her to tell me what she wants, but she occasionally will

still throw a fit. Those times I take her by her shoulders, make her look at

me and we breathe to calm down. Then she can tell me what she wants and she

gets it, usually. Have to put that in there because she's tried that move

to get candy shortly before dinner thinking that if she just tells me what

she wants, she'll get it.

Since we took her out of the preschool where the teachers where forcing her

to talk, not even attempting to understand what she was saying, and

basically set her at a table to color while they dealt with kids in the

class with physical or behavioral problems, she's been great. She loves

school, loves her teachers, attempts a lot more words even if they arent

close, and doesn't just smile and look away when you ask her something

anymore. She'll even have a short conversation with you now. She came to

me the one day saying " cut " . She wanted scissors to cut some paper. She

started cutting and I asked her if she cuts at school. She said yes. I

asked her if she likes to cut. She said yes. I asked her what else she

does at school that she likes. She looked up and said " mmm...glue. " and

went back to cutting. lol

I know with myself I have a problem with math. I can do it, but it

sometimes takes me a while. If I'm stressed it's worse. I dont see a

reason why it wouldnt be the same with someone with a speech problem. If

they're stressed and upset, it would be harder for them.

[Guest guest]

Callie had a ton of built up frustration until we starting doing the

following:

She starts to 'whine / grunt " what she wants & I will say " take my

hand & show me " she does & then I will say " do you want a ____? " &

she will say yeh-yeh or na. I will then say to her " can you say ____ .

Callie is 28 months old & has a 4 - 5 word vocabulary, but working

this way & signing has helped her/us a great deal.

> This is similar to the way Hope's speech therapist and teachers are

with

> her. They wait for her to respond to a question and she has to ask

for what

> she wants, but they dont force it. Most of her words dont come out

right,

> but when you come back with " oh you want____ " and you've understood

what she

> was trying to say she tells you " right " . The attempt is what they

want her

> to do. If it starts coming out right, fantastic. But as long as

she

> attempts to say it, they're happy.

>

> That is what we do at home with her too. Just pointing, grunting

and

> throwing a fit doestnt tell us what she's after and it doesnt get

responded

> to. I usually tell her to tell me what she wants, but she

occasionally will

> still throw a fit. Those times I take her by her shoulders, make

her look at

> me and we breathe to calm down. Then she can tell me what she

wants and she

> gets it, usually. Have to put that in there because she's tried

that move

> to get candy shortly before dinner thinking that if she just tells

me what

> she wants, she'll get it.

>

> Since we took her out of the preschool where the teachers where

forcing her

> to talk, not even attempting to understand what she was saying, and

> basically set her at a table to color while they dealt with kids in

the

> class with physical or behavioral problems, she's been great. She

loves

> school, loves her teachers, attempts a lot more words even if they

arent

> close, and doesn't just smile and look away when you ask her

something

> anymore. She'll even have a short conversation with you now. She

came to

> me the one day saying " cut " . She wanted scissors to cut some

paper. She

> started cutting and I asked her if she cuts at school. She said

yes. I

> asked her if she likes to cut. She said yes. I asked her what

else she

> does at school that she likes. She looked up and

said " mmm...glue. " and

> went back to cutting. lol

>

> I know with myself I have a problem with math. I can do it, but it

> sometimes takes me a while. If I'm stressed it's worse. I dont

see a

> reason why it wouldnt be the same with someone with a speech

problem. If

> they're stressed and upset, it would be harder for them.

[Guest guest]

An addendum to this...

I forget where I got this, perhaps this message board or from one of

Drew's therapists, but rather than instructing a child by asking

them, " Can you say XYZ? " , rather, you instruct them to tell you XYZ.

I know that was said before, but I think it makes a big difference,

because after a while, a kid feels like a parrot if someone keeps

asking them, " Can you say...? " or " Say____ " . By instructing them

to " tell " you something, it gives them the autonomy and power that

they are saying this of their own volition, even if we are prompting

them.

Goes back to that ol' self-esteem thing again.

Hope this helps...

le (mom to Drew, almost 3, apraxia, DSI and hypotonia)

> Callie had a ton of built up frustration until we starting doing

the

> following:

>

> She starts to 'whine / grunt " what she wants & I will say " take

my

> hand & show me " she does & then I will say " do you want a ____? "

&

> she will say yeh-yeh or na. I will then say to her " can you say

____ .

>

> Callie is 28 months old & has a 4 - 5 word vocabulary, but working

> this way & signing has helped her/us a great deal.

>

>

[Guest guest]

sounds very much like what we do (taking by the hand and having him show us)

with Josh if he doesn't have the word right away or we simply can't figure out

what he's asking for. We've had him on the supps for almost two years now and

his verbal vocabulary (still quite small as far as I'm concerned but we're

working on it) is about 300 words give or take (although his receptive

vocabulary is quite high - too high to count).

Sherry

susan3959 <susan3959@...> wrote:

Callie had a ton of built up frustration until we starting doing the

following:

She starts to 'whine / grunt " what she wants & I will say " take my

hand & show me " she does & then I will say " do you want a ____? " &

she will say yeh-yeh or na. I will then say to her " can you say ____ .

Callie is 28 months old & has a 4 - 5 word vocabulary, but working

this way & signing has helped her/us a great deal.