Re: question about social milestones

April 6, 2004

Hi Kim in Gurnee,

I went through this when my oldest was your son's age. It seems like a century

ago, but the feelings you have are where I was 10 years ago. My daughter is now

a sophomore in high school and happy to say she has come out of her shell, but

still hesitates when someone confronts her. She still does not like to be the

center of attention and does not jump into things without first walking it

through.

Check out the link below, it helped me a great deal.

www.shakeyourshyness.com/parentingshychildren.htm

[ ] question about social milestones

Hello, I am wondering if anyone out there has a problem with their

apraxic child being really shy...or is aware of what the milestones

are for a 4 year old? Basially, I have seen this issue with my son

before, but it gets better/worse over time. My son is 4

years old and is doing great with speech. EFA's are truly amazing!

However, he does not engage with other kids still. When he was 2

and 3 years old, I was told, " Oh, its ok, he is only 3 years old " .

Well, when does that end? When is it no longer acceptable to

parallel play? Or to be alone most of the time? To his credit, he

does not avoid being around other kids. His teachers say that he is

social at school. But, this weekend, when he had the chance to play

with other boys in the neighborhood, he played by himself. The other

kids are around, just played " along " with them, not engaging

them. Is this normal for a 4 year old? Am I making too much out of

this?

One suggestion I had was to start a play group for the kids at home.

I work full time, and perhaps the other kids knew eachother more, and

felt " out of place " . I am also trying to sign him up for t-

ball with others around our house.

But, if anyone has any thoughts on this, or how you were able to help

your child overcome this, please let me know. THANKS!

Kim in Gurnee

April 6, 2004

Kim--

Liz's experience with Madison was the sort of thing I was going to

mention also. I remember having a discussion with G. about

social skills with Dakota and Tanner, and how that affected them in

her choice of preschools for them. I remember her saying about

Tanner what you are saying about -- that Tanner was very aware

that verbally he couldn't keep up with the others, so he isolated

himself. Once he was in an environment where the pressure was off,

and he was around kids who had similar issues to himself and people

who knew how to be patient yet pull him out of his shell-- he

blossomed. Heck, now, if I recall, he's got a girlfriend and

everything! ;-) (Man, the kids start young now, huh? :-P)

I can also tell you that my sister, who had no speech problems or

other issues whatsoever, was painfully shy at that same age. She was

actually my mother's earliest talker of her 4 children, supposedly.

Anyway, was very shy, and would hide behind my parents,

especially my mother. But my mother would ease her into a situation,

and nudge her a lot to speak up and make friends, etc. Fast forward

30 years later-- you can't shut her up and she's the LAST person

you'd call shy. In fact, she's a professional actress/singer, doing

caberet work, teaching classes, etc. in NYC. She gets so in your

face and loud sometimes, even though it's in fun, that my son will

actually cover his ears if she's singing too loud!

So, I think like Liz said, you have to find that balance of

respecting their space and their issues and yet nudging them to get

out there too. I think the semi-parallel play is okay, as long as

you watch it, like she said, but still ONLY doing that is not good. I

think I remember that strict parallel play in normally developing

children usually tapers off by age 2.

I think Liz's suggestion of getting him on T-ball, or something like

that would be good too or soccer, or something like that, where not

that much talking is involved, but lots of teamwork and shouting

cheers is!

Take in the whole situation, and then figure out if he is just an

inherently shy kid who needs to be nudged out of his shell, or if

it's something more serious.

Hope this helps...

le (SAHM to Drew, 2.10 yrs. apraxia, DSI and hypotonia)

> Hello, I am wondering if anyone out there has a problem with their

> apraxic child being really shy...or is aware of what the milestones

> are for a 4 year old? Basially, I have seen this issue with my

son

> before, but it gets better/worse over time. My son is 4

> years old and is doing great with speech. EFA's are truly amazing!

>

> However, he does not engage with other kids still. When he was 2

> and 3 years old, I was told, " Oh, its ok, he is only 3 years old " .

> Well, when does that end? When is it no longer acceptable to

> parallel play? Or to be alone most of the time? To his credit,

he

> does not avoid being around other kids. His teachers say that he

is

> social at school. But, this weekend, when he had the chance to

play

> with other boys in the neighborhood, he played by himself. The

other

> kids are around, just played " along " with them, not

engaging

> them. Is this normal for a 4 year old? Am I making too much out

of

> this?

>

> One suggestion I had was to start a play group for the kids at

home.

> I work full time, and perhaps the other kids knew eachother more,

and

> felt " out of place " . I am also trying to sign him up for

t-

> ball with others around our house.

>

> But, if anyone has any thoughts on this, or how you were able to

help

> your child overcome this, please let me know. THANKS!

>

> Kim in Gurnee

April 6, 2004

hi kim/

My son is the same age and yes he continues to play alone but his speech is

severely delayed. He does talk but not enough to have conversations. I think

this is the reason for his seperation. but I will say he will play with other

kids if they are doing what he likes to do. For example we were at a small

playground. It has slides which my son will go on but he will not climb

anything, he had height issues because of his poor gross motor and I think he

vestibular problems. He gets bored of that fast so he will roam around the

playground to do other things. He played with this one boy because he was not

on the playgound and roaming around as well.

they wanted to climb the trees( they just hung on the trees). I was soooo happy

and that is when I realized that the other kids have to do what he's doing. Its

not that he doesn't want to be with kids they are not doing what he wants to do.

Not that's great either, but I think its better than me thinking he has a social

issue.

What i try to do is not push the issue because it makes my son not want to do

it. I can't go ask because he can't do it. well he could if I helped him but I

don't him to be embarrassed. Which he does get embarrassed. He started to

almost cry and we went home because he couldn't climb up a ladder at this

playground. He saw all the children doing this, oh it was heart breaking.

I teach autistic children and one of specialties is to shadow children with

their typical peers. One of the techniques is to be their interpretor. I will

repeat what other children say and help the child to answer the other child(you

say your child can talk) another thing I do is play with other children to get

to come in our space and it kinda forces the other children to play next to and

eventually with the child I work with. OH by the way I am not saying your is

autistic. I guess I can take my own advice to help my child.

Its hard being a mom of special ed child then being a teacher to a special ed

child. I feel that i feel my sons pain more.

I went on so many tangents sorry, you hit a nerve with me because that is big

issue for me as well. I think with time and the better they talk they will gain

confidence. Because it is confidence that you get friends. Not caring what the

other kids think or going to say. Of course I say they are only 4 but I'm

around typical 4 and 5 year old and they pick up on people who are different

even if it is slight.

social issues are hard on adults i can't imagine how hard it is on children who

communcative problems. agian it brakes my heart when I see my son sometimes and

probably does you too. I understand

sorry sooo long\

chris

jacksonsmom12000 <kim.gill@...> wrote: