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Reading your note of overwhelm tonight, I couldn't help but wonder at just how strong we really are.

We are at a crossroads, and there are more questions than answers right now. To not feel panic, anxiety, confusion, anger, --that is what keeps us human-- all these ugly human feelings. Or so we label them "ugly." Behind all that emotion-- is a very scared woman, who is loved deeply by her family-- who so want to keep her in control. Control-- as they've always known it. That means that you - in their eyes- are so mentally strong, and so willing to fight to keep that image-- that they haven't had to rely on themselves for support. This is one of the cruelest parts of this disease. We don't want to give up that false image of "control, and strength." So we push on-- so far past what we can do-- that we end up sicker. Don't get me wrong-- I'm not saying we're at fault here. We aren't. We've been given a path to hell, and I pray 'back.'

If you can't look "super-hubby" in the eyes, and say "Honey, the time of my emotional dismantling is here" and "I need you to be here, too."

Nee, you have the gift of words, write Hayden a letter. Show him the email you sent us asking for help. They know you're loosing it-- and by not holding you in that place-- they can ignore (deny) it a little bit longer. Get your MD to order a small amount of Xanax, to calm you down. It is amazing how well even 1 or 2 days of taking it, will help you regain your balance.

Know that I am with you, that we all are.

Tracie

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