attitudes

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 01/01/2000 5:07:00 PM Eastern Standard Time,

MiniGastricBypassonelist writes:

>

> Isn't it interesting that when you really have lost a significant amount

of weight

> (54lbs) people who you used to be the same size as now act differently? I

> know they notice, but they just hang back and stay quiet. I certainly don't

> expect people to fall over me with complements, because I don't like that

> either. I think they must be where I was for a long time. I guess

everyone

> has to come to terms with themselves and how they want to live. That makes

> me feel sorry for them. I want everyone to be able to have the MGB who

needs

> it! Anyway, I hope your sister in law comes around. Who knows, she may

see

> how it helps you and decide to have it too!

> Best of luck to you in 2000!

> Karin from Pa (MGB 9/20)

Karin (and all who have written), thanks for your thoughts. Yes, it is odd

how attitudes change towards us, especially in families. I feel that when we

lose weight, change, begin to speak up for ourselves, we throw off the status

quo, the familiar patterns that families/friendships/marriages are in.

People become threatened and try to deal with it by either becoming hostile,

passive-agressive, or by trying to ignore the situation in hopes that we give

up this " foolishness " and go back to the (read their) old comfortable way of

living. Hey, it's hard for us to give up that familiar pattern, let alone

others. We win when we stay our course of change and let nothing shake us.

If these people really love us, they will change with us (complete with

awkward adustment period). If they refuse to change, then sometimes we will

have to be willing to distance ourselves from negative, harmful

relationships. I think that the lack of commentary on your family's part is

their passive-aggressive way of them expressing their disapproval (I may be

wrong - I often get accused of thinking too much - LOL). Perhaps they may

not honestly know how to deal with you now - what to say - how to act. I

remember when my middle sister came out of rehab, some of my siblings didn't

know what to say to her. Her giving up drinking forever might have triggered

them feeling guilty for drinking. This is the same reation my sister-in-law

is having with me losting weight. The best any of us can do is pray their

love for help them to accept our new selves. BTW, what part of PA are you

in? I am from burg.

-Ginny Ivanoff (ville, NC - home of RDU airport)