Re: List Mom leaving / M et al

May 18, 2004

,

I just wanted to thank you for your excellent post (#39621). I just

now had a chance to go back and check messages posted while I was

away, and yours well articulated what I've been thinking.

I have to admit that following the discussion thread that caused such

unrest, I'm now very reluctant to share anything but fluff and roses -

- do you know what I mean? I don't want to be chastised for not

being perfect. And I'm definitely NOT perfect. I wasn't perfect

while I was away for four days....but I'm now apprehensive about

sharing any of the challenges I faced. I'm learning so much about

ME, and about the fantastic tools that the WW program encompass, but

I'm just learning. I'm never going to be perfect. But I love the

face that I DO now have the WW tools, so that I can get right back

onto " perfect program " following a challenging vacation time.

One thing that I'll share here is that I've considered the

possibility of becoming a WW leader once my own journey is

completed. Some good friends, who know my own tendency to want to be

perfectionistic in everything I do, have encouraged me to seriously

think about the many different personalities that I would encounter

as a WW leader. Some would work the WW program in an anal,

perfectionistic way (like I've done most of this past year). Some

will be more relaxed about it. Some will be more self-forgiving,

while others will be uptight and tense. Some will journal every

bite, lick and taste, while others will give it a guess now and then

and not fuss over every lick. Some will use a WW points bracelet

while others (like me LOL!) will keep every journal page from Day

One, and refer to them often. Some will allow themselves a day off

now and then, while others would never ever think of such a horror.

Some will be able to view the WW program as a tool for food

management, and will be able to bounce right back from a vacation or

cruise, where points counting is difficult to say the least. Others

will not be able to bounce back, and therefore will be extremely

careful about every bite they face on that cruise or vacation.

My point is this: If I ever were to follow through with the idea of

becoming a WW leader, I will have to set aside my own anal tendencies

and be compassionate, flexible (I'll have to work on that one!),

understanding, NOT codependent (grin!).... you understand what I'm

saying, I'm sure. At the same time, I recognize that I would have a

problem dealing with whiners. I don't mean the kind of WWer who has

a rough day or week or couple of weeks, but the type who whine as an

excuse for simply not putting in the effort to make WW work.

Oh well....I've gone way off on a tangent. Sorry it got so long. I

think I wanted to share this because I do so value this group and the

support I've received here. I do wish we could be a little more

compassionate and not so inflexible, but I'm not the list mom and

it's not my group. Lyn has every right to set up the group and

maintain it in the way she wants it to be. I do hope both she and

will come back and share with the rest of us.....

Love, Bette

May 19, 2004

Hi Bette,

Thanks for the nice reply!!!!!!! That's awesome because sometimes I don't

know if I'm putting down correctly exactly what I'm feeling or dealing with.

You know how so many thoughts swirl around in our heads that it's hard to

really think of what it is that we're trying to say.

DON'T just put the fluff and roses down okay?? That's why we're all on this

list, to be supportive of each other in the good, bad and the ugly--if there

WERE no bad and ugly there would be no need for any of us to be here,

right??

AS Mitch said in one of his recent posts, our issues with food and reactions

to it will be with us until the days that we all leave this earth. It's a

constant struggle and I'm humbled by the enormity of that challenge because

at times I actually think it will " go away " or be cured and that's not true.

I do have alot of good days where I could care less if I get any points in

at all, but the underlying issues or triggers are always there and I do have

to be careful every day.

Don't worry about the post being long because sometimes we need to sort of

reflect on here and look at some of our thoughts--helps me to see that stuff

written down either by someone else or my own posts.

I almost wish we could eliminate the word perfect from the vocabulary or at

least tone it down to reflect its true meaning--for exampel 20/20 vision or

getting 10/10 on a test, etc. There is no perfect person or marriage or

kids, etc. and no perfect company or sports team either. When we say someone

has the perfect marriage or kids I think we mean " ideal " or another

variation of words. Just in my opinion only, I think we should focus more on

the word success because when we are doing a successful weight loss program

and encompassing all of our tools, then we will reach our goals. We don't

need to be perfect every single day to enjoy or reach success, as successful

companies or sports teams do. No team wins every game or every championship

and no company has a perfect record with products or movies, but it's what

they do with the slips or failures that makes them successful. THEY KEEP

RIGHT ON GOING and tweaking and using all their tools and personnel and

training methods.

SO, let's hear it for banishment of " perfect " or " rigid " and root for

SUCCESS all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do agree that the list owners have the rights to run lists as they see

fit, but I do hope that they return because this list is an awesome place

for us to get support from each other and give it out also. I mean, lord

knows there's so much non-support out there in the regular world that we

need it from each other. I think that in some cases we all come to our

perception of the program in different lights and while we are trying to

work it to the best of our individual abilities, we might create some

frictions in certain conversations. I believe that we are all on the same

page with regards to our efforts and our journeys and we are all behind each

other on here!!!