RE: Re: Larry's Fears

[Guest guest]

Larry, I think our fears and pain are so much a part of what made a lot of

us obese in the first place. You've come so far, don't go back now! Our

first relationship as a thinner person seems to be a scary step for most of

us. I met a Viking (my ideal man type) when I had lost all of my weight and

was looking toward the PS part of my journey. Was very upfront with him

about what I had been through, what I had accomplished and my final goals.

This was a man used to being with thin gorgeous women. But as he tells it,

he realized I had lost exactly his current weight. He looked in my eyes and

saw the woman I intended to be and he just wanted to be there to see me

succeed. Sure I have scars from the plastic surgery, but scars fade and

meanwhile lingerie can easily cover them up. Just look in the mirror and

see the success you are and be proud of the inner strength it took for you

to get where you are. We are part of a pretty exclusive club, very few

people in their lifetime will experience the heartbreak of obesity and the

pure joys of conquering it. Be damn proud of your accomplishments and know

that there are more experiences waiting for you. Your fears of

relationships are probably based ( like all of us ) from our past

experiences as an obese person. You're not obese anymore, babe. Go out

there and grab you some life!!!

Re: Larry's Fears

Hello Larry,

I think quite a few of us can relate to the thoughts you so

eloquently expressed.

I have lost a whole person myself & yet most of the time I feel like

a fraud. If people only knew I still feel like a fat person inside.

As to having scars, well all I can tell you is that we all are our

worst critics. I am so down on myself regarding my saggy legs yet

any man I've ever been with has not made one critical comment. In

fact I've been told because of what I've been through my skin is

wonderfully soft.

As for sabotaging yourself with your diet. I can only answer from my

own experience. Lately I have been eating candy every day. Before

WLS this was my main addiction. I craved sugar like an addict.

Well, after finding out it didn't make me dump I can't seem to stop.

I know it's bad for me & hasn't yet made me gain weight. However, I

haven't lost any weight for the past month either. Definitely a

connection here.

Also Larry, don't worry about having a close relationship as

a " normal " person. I think back on all the years I too built a wall

around myself & didn't start dating til I was 39. All I can think

now is why did I wait so long & what was I afraid of? If anything I

think it makes me more sympathic to other people's self image

problems, etc. & I'm an excellent listener (or so I've been told).

Most men are very complimentary & say they admire the strength &

dedication it must've taken to lose all this weight.

Wow, this turned out to be a lengthy response, huh? Well, take care

Larry & try not to be so hard on yourself. Consider where you

started & where you are now. " You've come a long way baby "

Regards,

Loreli

fb/pann 05/30/00

291 lbs to 143 lbs

> Hi Gang,

> I am having a little problem I thought I would float out here

and see if

> anyone else can relate. This is very similar to a post I saw

earlier in the

> week somewhere, but can't remember who posted or where. It is hell

to get

> older!!!

> I am 13 1/2 months postop and have lost 220 pounds. I had a BPD

so I can

> eat pretty enormous amounts of food compared to some on these lists.

> I have noticed lately that as I near the TT and all the other

> reconstructions I have to do, I am eating more and more and all the

wrong

> foods as well.

> So many of our friends have had major problems with the PS that

I am

> think I am getting afraid of reaching my goals because I know I

will have to

> get all this done. I really have to get all this done because my

boobs hang

> way down (I am a man and ain't supposed to have boobs in the 1st

place) and

> my pannus, while not really low will have to be removed. I also

have what my

> PCP calls " fat Packs " that will probably have to be removed as

well. I also

> need to get my thighs done as I have severe hidradenitis and boils

from time

> to time. This is 3 major surgeries at least.

> The PS said, wait till you get about 30 pounds from goal and

then come

> in to see me. Well I am roughly 50 pounds to goal and I am making

extremely

> poor food choices. Eating and justifying it with all the typical

food addict

> excuses.

> 1. Well I am a little depressed and need it.

> 2. I have done really good so I deserve a treat.

> 3. A little of this or that won't hurt me.

> 4. My uncle died so I need some comfort food.

> 5. I have lost more than most people weigh, :Leave me alone. LOL

> And the list goes on and on.

>

> I am concerned that I am self-sabotaging myself in order to:

> 1. Spare myself the pain of more surgery.

> 2. Spare myself the possible complications.

> 3. Run away from my original goals.

>

> I also think alot about how I am being treated by others. I am

> constantly told how good I look, how young I look, how proud people

are of

> me, etc etc. All my life I have looked in the mirror and see a big

pile of

> shit (pardon the french). I had zero self esteem and all the self

loathing

> in the world. Someone said to me the other day " you look like a

normal human

> being now " . Well what the hell was I before?

> For a recovering alkie like myself, (been sober for 14 + years)

change

> can be a terrifying thing. Not only am I changing, but the person

looking

> back in the mirror is a totally different person. And all the

people around

> me are treating me differently. How is it going to be when I reach

goal? How

> will people treat me when I have all these scars from surgery? How

will I

> handle relationships as a " normal " person? I don't have the answers

to these

> questions and it is driving me crazy.

> All my life I had used my weight as a wall to keep people out.

I was a

> very intimidating person at 300, 400 and 500 pounds. People were

afraid to

> get too close to me and I liked it that was.

> Now I want people close, but I am not sure how to handle

dealing with

> someone is a close relationship now. I am not sure if the new

person is

> worthy of the attention I am getting. A friend of mine has

suggested therapy

> many times but I have had extremely bad luck with therapists and I

won't go.

> Has anyone out there had these same feelings? How did you get

thru them

> and get on to your goals? Is it a constant struggle even after many

years?

> Enquiring minds want/need to know.

> I must also tell you that after surgery it was discovered I have

> cardiomyopathy (a swelling of the heart) and I am on heart meds

including

> Lasix. I have eaten alot of salty foods the last 2 days and have

picked up 7

> pounds in water weight. I am working on that now. I have a nuclear

stress

> test scheduled for the end of this month. Hopefully that is under

control

> now.

> Sorry this is so long, but it has been building up for a long

time. To

> start back towards my goal, I have set myself up on liquids for the

next few

> days to give my tummy a rest and a chance to shrink back down a

little. The

> amounts I can eat with no ill effects scares the hell out of me. It

is

> nothing for me to eat and drink up to 2 pounds at a single meal. I

can't do

> this anymore I know.

> Enough out of me. You can post to the group or me privately at

> mstrpoker@e...

>

> Hugs,

> Larry Maske http://www.formerfatass.com

> Bilio Pancreatic Diversion (BPD)

> Dr. Marcus

> SURGERY DATE: June 19th, 2000

> Holy Cross Hospital, Silver Spring, land

>

> Starting Weight 512 BMI 69.9

> Weight Now 292 BMI 38.5 WOOOO HOOOO

> 220 pounds gone like a fart in a windstorm

>

> " Life's a banquet and most poor sons-a- bitches are starving to

death "

> Auntie Mame - Starring Lucille Ball and Preston

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