5 hard days

[Guest guest]

First let me thank those who have responded to my earlier question. Your

personal

experiences help me in supporting my wife.

Now this may sound like a whine and maybe it is. But the last 5 days have been

more then

slightly taxing on me. I sit at the dining room table feeling rather alone as I

finally sit down

to pay some bills and work on some of " my jobs " . My wife who is suffering a

relapse of

Breast Cancer after having had DCIS which lead to a bi-lateral mastectomy three

years ago.

Recently discovered a lump in a lymph node. Cancer being a very slippery slope

one thing

leads to another and after having 12 nodes removed (3 of which had cancer) last

Wednesday she started what looks to be a long run of IV medication.

I guess by wife was not one of the lucky ones to which the first round of A/C is

pretty

easy. She has barely been out of bed since we got back from having the PassPort

being put

in on Wednesday and she has been quite sick and is now predictably weak.

While my work has been very understanding and supportive, poor timing and being

a

member of senior management left me to have to stay online for most of Wed - Fri

including being fully online (thank god the place had wifi) during 4 hours of

chemo and 3

hours of fluids the next day.

Mean while when not with my parents (during treatments) I have had our two

children

(6 & 8) to deal with (I always joked that I married a kindergarten teacher cause I

was not the

best with that age).

So between pushing my wife to drink, watching over her needs and those of my

children, I

find that I have been pushed farther and harder then I had predicted. I have

tried to take

care of myself but it has been hard and sleep and food have been chalenges on

some of

the days.

I can only hope that my wife's improvement today (while she drank less water

then I would

have liked, she did eat a 1/4 pound hamburger I made at her request) will

continue

tomorrow for I feel the pressure of work and my jobs calling and as it looks

like she will

need me with her (ok some how we naively thought she could do them on her own)

for

each of the next 3 A/C treatment (perhaps I can arrange more complete time off

for some

of those), I am not sure how far I can push that envelop.

I can only hope the 4 T/Herceptin (5 hours I hear) treatments will be easier on

her and the

year of Herceptin every 3 weeks is just to daunting to ponder.

When it is all said and done I think the worst of it all is I feel at this time

of night rather

alone.

Apologies for my rant.

P.S, While I am sure that the chances of anyone knowing me or my wife directly

on this list

are slim my wife has asked that I keep her condition private and we are not

sharing her

condition beyond a very limited scope. On the chance you know her or myself your

discrestion in this matter is greatly appreciated. As I tell my Mother who is

also a survivor

and who is having a hard time dealing with my wifes desire not to discuss with

anyone but

me her condition, this is the one request that she makes and we should honor it.

[Guest guest]

,

Is there any special reason your wife doesn't want to share her diagnosis? Fear

of loosing a job etc? Holding all of this in is not healthy. She needs to talk

and share her feelings with others besides yourself.

Is there anyone she would trust with the info that could take her to her

treatments? How about hiring someone to watch the children part time. I will

keep you both in my prayers.

hugs

nne

Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Life

http://www.geocities.com/chucky5741/breastcancerpatients.html

Check out my other ornaments at

www.geocities.com/chucky5741/bcornament.html

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http://www.cindwoodcrafts.com

5 hard days

First let me thank those who have responded to my earlier question. Your

personal

experiences help me in supporting my wife.

Now this may sound like a whine and maybe it is. But the last 5 days have been

more then

slightly taxing on me. I sit at the dining room table feeling rather alone as

I finally sit down

to pay some bills and work on some of " my jobs " . My wife who is suffering a

relapse of

Breast Cancer after having had DCIS which lead to a bi-lateral mastectomy

three years ago.

Recently discovered a lump in a lymph node. Cancer being a very slippery slope

one thing

leads to another and after having 12 nodes removed (3 of which had cancer)

last

Wednesday she started what looks to be a long run of IV medication.

I guess by wife was not one of the lucky ones to which the first round of A/C

is pretty

easy. She has barely been out of bed since we got back from having the

PassPort being put

in on Wednesday and she has been quite sick and is now predictably weak.

While my work has been very understanding and supportive, poor timing and

being a

member of senior management left me to have to stay online for most of Wed -

Fri

including being fully online (thank god the place had wifi) during 4 hours of

chemo and 3

hours of fluids the next day.

Mean while when not with my parents (during treatments) I have had our two

children

(6 & 8) to deal with (I always joked that I married a kindergarten teacher cause

I was not the

best with that age).

So between pushing my wife to drink, watching over her needs and those of my

children, I

find that I have been pushed farther and harder then I had predicted. I have

tried to take

care of myself but it has been hard and sleep and food have been chalenges on

some of

the days.

I can only hope that my wife's improvement today (while she drank less water

then I would

have liked, she did eat a 1/4 pound hamburger I made at her request) will

continue

tomorrow for I feel the pressure of work and my jobs calling and as it looks

like she will

need me with her (ok some how we naively thought she could do them on her own)

for

each of the next 3 A/C treatment (perhaps I can arrange more complete time off

for some

of those), I am not sure how far I can push that envelop.

I can only hope the 4 T/Herceptin (5 hours I hear) treatments will be easier

on her and the

year of Herceptin every 3 weeks is just to daunting to ponder.

When it is all said and done I think the worst of it all is I feel at this

time of night rather

alone.

Apologies for my rant.

P.S, While I am sure that the chances of anyone knowing me or my wife directly

on this list

are slim my wife has asked that I keep her condition private and we are not

sharing her

condition beyond a very limited scope. On the chance you know her or myself

your

discrestion in this matter is greatly appreciated. As I tell my Mother who is

also a survivor

and who is having a hard time dealing with my wifes desire not to discuss with

anyone but

me her condition, this is the one request that she makes and we should honor

it.

[Guest guest]

Good heavens , you whine all you like. As I often say rather than

a good whine, maybe I need a good wine! You have an incredible load

to carry. I do not know what you situation is, financially, but the

family medical leave act might be of some help to you. How is your

insurance? Any chance of getting a visiting nurse service in to give

you a break? Also you need to speak to your wife's oncologist and

explain exactly wht is going on and ask what he CAN DO ABOUT IT in the

form of medications to lessen the side effects. You and you wife and

kids will be in my thoughts.

Ruth

>

> First let me thank those who have responded to my earlier question.

Your personal

> experiences help me in supporting my wife.

>

> Now this may sound like a whine and maybe it is. But the last 5 days

have been more then

> slightly taxing on me. I sit at the dining room table feeling rather

alone as I finally sit down

> to pay some bills and work on some of " my jobs " . My wife who is

suffering a relapse of

> Breast Cancer after having had DCIS which lead to a bi-lateral

mastectomy three years ago.

> Recently discovered a lump in a lymph node. Cancer being a very

slippery slope one thing

> leads to another and after having 12 nodes removed (3 of which had

cancer) last

> Wednesday she started what looks to be a long run of IV medication.

>

> I guess by wife was not one of the lucky ones to which the first

round of A/C is pretty

> easy. She has barely been out of bed since we got back from having

the PassPort being put

> in on Wednesday and she has been quite sick and is now predictably weak.

>

> While my work has been very understanding and supportive, poor

timing and being a

> member of senior management left me to have to stay online for most

of Wed - Fri

> including being fully online (thank god the place had wifi) during 4

hours of chemo and 3

> hours of fluids the next day.

>

> Mean while when not with my parents (during treatments) I have had

our two children

> (6 & 8) to deal with (I always joked that I married a kindergarten

teacher cause I was not the

> best with that age).

>

> So between pushing my wife to drink, watching over her needs and

those of my children, I

> find that I have been pushed farther and harder then I had

predicted. I have tried to take

> care of myself but it has been hard and sleep and food have been

chalenges on some of

> the days.

>

> I can only hope that my wife's improvement today (while she drank

less water then I would

> have liked, she did eat a 1/4 pound hamburger I made at her request)

will continue

> tomorrow for I feel the pressure of work and my jobs calling and as

it looks like she will

> need me with her (ok some how we naively thought she could do them

on her own) for

> each of the next 3 A/C treatment (perhaps I can arrange more

complete time off for some

> of those), I am not sure how far I can push that envelop.

>

> I can only hope the 4 T/Herceptin (5 hours I hear) treatments will

be easier on her and the

> year of Herceptin every 3 weeks is just to daunting to ponder.

>

> When it is all said and done I think the worst of it all is I feel

at this time of night rather

> alone.

>

> Apologies for my rant.

>

> P.S, While I am sure that the chances of anyone knowing me or my

wife directly on this list

> are slim my wife has asked that I keep her condition private and we

are not sharing her

> condition beyond a very limited scope. On the chance you know her or

myself your

> discrestion in this matter is greatly appreciated. As I tell my

Mother who is also a survivor

> and who is having a hard time dealing with my wifes desire not to

discuss with anyone but

> me her condition, this is the one request that she makes and we

should honor it.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I was/am on a similar treatment plan as your wife, but minus the Taxol.

I can say the Herceptin will be a cake walk compared to the AC.

I go once a week on my own. Other than the first Herceptin infusion

where they gave me Benadryl & watch for an allergic reaction, I did not

need to be driven as I was with the AC. I don't think the hospitals

allow women to come by themselves for the AC. My husband dropped me off

a few times, and came later, but I could not have driven myself, even

for the short 10 minute drive.

A year of Herceptin sounds long, but your wife will actually be able to

recover and get stronger while she's taking it. Unlike the AC where it

can have a cumulative effect. Each of my AC treatments was slightly

different. I was nauseaus 4 hours after my 1st AC; they adjusted my

medication and the 2nd treatment was better. 3rd treatment my body

didn't bounce back as quickly, and the 4th was tiring as well. I did

this every 2 weeks, which is harder than the 3 week schedule. What is

your wife doing?

I found I slept alot and lost weight the first 3-5 days, and then my

appetite slowly returned and I gained back the weight, so I started each

treatment at the same weight. Your wife's taste buds will change. Bland

food was manageable (someone mentioned baked potatoes), tapiocas (with

no sugar), slightly flavored waters (crystal light). Processed sugar did

not taste good (Splenda was OK), and plain water tasted funny.

My 2 children were in elementary school during the day, so I could rest

during the day (the anti-naseau medication basically makes you sleep),

and save my energy for them when they got home.

My sister coordinated a 'meals on wheels' with my friends, family, and

neighbors, so our dinners were delivered. It was so helpful, since even

if I felt OK, because I didn't have much of an appetite I didn't feel

like cooking.

Joe, you and your wife have to prioritize what to devote your energy to.

We were fortunate to have family and friends nearby. I used an online

grocery delivery service. We did takeout. I hired a cleaner. And decided

to do my treatments every 2 weeks, a) to get it over with quicker, and

because it reduced my recurrence rate by 2%

Do you have a babysitter or family around who can help out with the

kids? Is there an afterschool program for them?

I understand that your wife doesn't want to tell many people. I was the

same way. In retrospect, I should have at least told my childrens'

teachers, because I know I was not as involved with their homework and

school projects as I had been, and let them get away with less effort.

It's harder to get help and support if people don't know. Because

everyone we told offered to help out.

My husband read the book, The Breast Cancer Husband, and found it helpful.

take care,

[Guest guest]

,

I can sympathise to some extend & hopefully give you some positive

info. My wife was just diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer just over

a month ago. (breast, lymph, liver & bones) She has had her first

three treatments of chemo & herceptin. We also have two little kids,

18 months & 3 1/2. . . . From all I can tell about the herceptin its

nothing compared to chemo for most people. My wife's program has

three weeks of chemo & herception followed by one week of just

herceptin. (then repeat that 4 week cycle 6 times, then herceptin

every three weeks forever (i.e. as lomng as it works.) She's gogin for

her first herceptin only this week & they even said she could drive

herself. (her physical condition at diagnosis was 100%, even though

she was stage 4.) . . . Side effects are usually pretty minimal, its

not a chemo, its not killings other cells like chemo does. . . . . I

can also sympothise from a work demands aspect. I'm usually able to be

lax on worrying about the kids schedules, with my wife taking care of

all that (she was watching the kids 5 days a week). Will be dificult

when she can't do that . . . . . & yes, thank god for technology!

Alos, my doc had a few people that have been on herceptin for years &

doing very well. No guarnetees like anything, but it can be a great

maintance drug. Very minimal side effets (often nothing compared to

chemo) & keep the cancer from rearing its ugly head again . . .

Keep the faith!

Ken

>

> First let me thank those who have responded to my earlier question.

Your personal

> experiences help me in supporting my wife.

>

> Now this may sound like a whine and maybe it is. But the last 5 days

have been more then

> slightly taxing on me. I sit at the dining room table feeling rather

alone as I finally sit down

> to pay some bills and work on some of " my jobs " . My wife who is

suffering a relapse of

> Breast Cancer after having had DCIS which lead to a bi-lateral

mastectomy three years ago.

> Recently discovered a lump in a lymph node. Cancer being a very

slippery slope one thing

> leads to another and after having 12 nodes removed (3 of which had

cancer) last

> Wednesday she started what looks to be a long run of IV medication.

>

> I guess by wife was not one of the lucky ones to which the first

round of A/C is pretty

> easy. She has barely been out of bed since we got back from having

the PassPort being put

> in on Wednesday and she has been quite sick and is now predictably weak.

>

> While my work has been very understanding and supportive, poor

timing and being a

> member of senior management left me to have to stay online for most

of Wed - Fri

> including being fully online (thank god the place had wifi) during 4

hours of chemo and 3

> hours of fluids the next day.

>

> Mean while when not with my parents (during treatments) I have had

our two children

> (6 & 8) to deal with (I always joked that I married a kindergarten

teacher cause I was not the

> best with that age).

>

> So between pushing my wife to drink, watching over her needs and

those of my children, I

> find that I have been pushed farther and harder then I had

predicted. I have tried to take

> care of myself but it has been hard and sleep and food have been

chalenges on some of

> the days.

>

> I can only hope that my wife's improvement today (while she drank

less water then I would

> have liked, she did eat a 1/4 pound hamburger I made at her request)

will continue

> tomorrow for I feel the pressure of work and my jobs calling and as

it looks like she will

> need me with her (ok some how we naively thought she could do them

on her own) for

> each of the next 3 A/C treatment (perhaps I can arrange more

complete time off for some

> of those), I am not sure how far I can push that envelop.

>

> I can only hope the 4 T/Herceptin (5 hours I hear) treatments will

be easier on her and the

> year of Herceptin every 3 weeks is just to daunting to ponder.

>

> When it is all said and done I think the worst of it all is I feel

at this time of night rather

> alone.

>

> Apologies for my rant.

>

> P.S, While I am sure that the chances of anyone knowing me or my

wife directly on this list

> are slim my wife has asked that I keep her condition private and we

are not sharing her

> condition beyond a very limited scope. On the chance you know her or

myself your

> discrestion in this matter is greatly appreciated. As I tell my

Mother who is also a survivor

> and who is having a hard time dealing with my wifes desire not to

discuss with anyone but

> me her condition, this is the one request that she makes and we

should honor it.

>