Re: New and confused...~~ ~~

[Guest guest]

Very well said !!

, we all go through this feeling of despair. It follows closely the

Kubler-Ross " Stages of Grief " . Even though in a technical sense we

haven't/aren't dying, our old selves HAVE died. These stages are as follows:

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

It really does take a professional to guide us through these stages. It is

critical that we not stay 'stuck' in any one of them. I, and many of us, do

include psychiatric help as part of our 'arsenal' to help us deal with FM. It is

so important. Once you have worked through these issues you will come to realise

that your life is STILL important. What do you think will take a worse

psychological toll on your children; a mother who can't do everything she used

to do, or a mother who committed suicide? I promise, with work it will get

better. You WILL find ways of coping. The most important gift you can give your

children right now is the gift of love. Let them know how much you love them and

how much they mean to you. You will find ways to explain what is happening to

you in a way that they can understand. This is also something a psychiatrist or

psychologist can help you with.

You are much stronger than you realise. You WILL, especially with the right

mental health and medical care, make it through this. You have as yet untapped

reserves of inner strength and character. If you didn't, you would not be

agonising over this to begin with. Just remember, your family needs you, in

whatever capacity you are able to be there for them. Your physical presence

alone will help reassure them.

Also remember that WE are here for you. Feel free to vent at any time, to ask

questions if you want and we will answer when we can. Somebody here will always

be able to offer advice on most any subject. I will end this by saying I am a 62

year old woman who has been suffering with these issues since I was 27 and my

daughter was less than two. We made it, and so will you. Celebrate the fact that

at least now so much more is known about these things. When I started my

'journey', there was not even one name for my conditions, except 'bone lazy' and

'hypochondriac'. Unfortunately there are still those doctors who disbelieve in

our conditions, but there are many who do know it is real, and how to help. I

pray that you can find such ones.

BTW: There are many books out there you might find helpful. Not only books on FM

and such, but books on dealing with grief. Another good one is: An Empty Chair-A

guide through grief, by Dr. a Temes. She defines the stages of grief

thusly:

Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)

Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)

Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

Whichever book(s) you choose to read, if you should choose to read any, realise

the messages of hope at the end. It is like a long dark tunnel, but there IS

light at the end.

Peace and Love

Caroline

,

Yes, you can! It will just be a lot different than it was before.

And it's certainly not worth killing yourself over. Are you getting

some counseling, by the way, after your attempt?

Think about if it were a different kind of problem, like going blind,

or losing a leg. Yesterday I was in DC at the Revels, and on the way

back, passed a college student with sunglasses and white cane,

yakking casually on a cellphone as he roared down the sidewalk. Take

a look at some of the video reports (Lehrer report on PBS has done a

number of them) on the brave kids coming back from Iraq and

Afghanistan, learning how to adjust to living without various limbs.

Some of them return to active service. They learn how to adapt.

I've been mobility impaired for decades, and have developed a bag of

tricks for managing that most people never even think of. You will

learn to adjust, and to rearrange things so that you can accomplish

as much as possible without wearing yourself out on the " good " days,

or putting yourself through heck on the bad ones.

First, remember that nobody ever died of terminal dust bunnies. ;D

Really. Seriously. To a certain extent, if you can't see the dirt,

it's clean. ;D Try to group activities into things you can do when

you're not feeling great (sorting mail, sorting laundry, and folding

laundry are good ones; they can be done lying down), and things you

can do on good days (vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms). But your

schedule may be quite different, and not nearly as regular as it used

to be, since you can't really predict your good days. Second,

remember that food can be cooked ahead and warmed up. When I cook, I

cook one bunch to eat short term over several days, and freeze the

other half for the next week. Some things freeze very well: chile,

lasagna, some chicken casseroles, etc.

I hope that you include your family in helping. Even kids can tidy

up an area when they're through or load and unload the dishwasher or

carry laundry, or dust and straighten their own rooms. Kids can

learn to make grilled cheese sandwiches and heat up soup and make

treats for themselves. You might have a family meeting explaining

that there are days when you feel really bad and that they can help,

and it's not " oh-look-at-the-little-kid-he's-so-cute-trying-to-help " ,

it's real honest-to-goodness help that matters as much as if a

grownup were doing it. It might not convince them, but again, it might.

This will be a learning experience for you. Your life may never go

back to non-stop like it was before. But you can work on the pain

with your doctor, and work on adjusting at home. All is not lost.

There is always hope.

Z

____________________________________________________________

FREE 3D EARTH SCREENSAVER - Watch the Earth right on your desktop!

Check it out at http://www.crawler.com/earth