EDS...Vent...I am way pass MISERABLE, financially, health, SSD system :-{([

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 6/10/2003 11:14:12 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

ansonhomestead@... writes:

> Just remember to, that some of these rare diseases that you've been naming

> could actually be secondary symptoms of EDS. I have tons of them. Hearing

> problems, BP problems, arthritis, tummy problems, female problems. You name

> it, I have it.

>

> Remember that we are always here for you. Keep your chin up (if it will go

> up in the first place *grin*), and to talk whenever you need.

>

Thank you ,

But I am REALLY miserable :-[ today. I am a SSDI totally disabled person

taking care of my NOT on anything totally disabled husband. My stepmother is 93

and I just heard from a cousin in Florida that my mom broke her wrist two weeks

ago. She takes care of my retarded brother. I am usually slow to contact my

step mom because I gave up trying to explain my medical problems years ago. I

will try to walk out later and get a get well card today.

MONEY PROBLEMS: I sit here considering canceling my ISP and/or my AOL

account. I need to change over to a free email account. Maybe selling my PCs for

money to get my meds. I am out of some of my BP meds and GI meds for pain; and

my

husband is out of his BP meds and need his new pain meds. The cost of medicine

in the US seems so unfair. While I have prescription insurance 17 dollars

generic $33 dollars brand-name is still too much if you need more that 10 meds a

month. Especially with a fixed income.

Prescriptions is right up there with the cost of paying rent and health

insurance. My choice of apartment and my rent was no problem when I was working.

But I have been out of work since 1999. If I had no money the system would be

helping me. If I was rich I suppose I would not care. But being in the middle is

the pits. So I guess it is time to move down, maybe I should move to room or

throw my husband out. I am joking I guess.

I confess, I am angry at his illness. :-(. I know that is not nice but I feel

I bit off more than I could chew when I took him in 14 months ago. I do

everything! I was told or read somewhere that some couples live apart to save

on

expenses. I am the one that qualifies for no government assistance. Without me

my spouse has zero income since at least 1998. If I kick his butt out, I will

be the same but he could at least get medicaid and get his medicine. He has

his therapist doctors notes that show he has his medical conditions. He has the

SSI application that he is slowly reading. I believe his major depression and

PTSD keeps him from having the appropriate speed about his paperwork. He is

like a child. He is more concerned with playing a computer game. I would stop

that except the doctor feel it is like therapy for him. Just like me and my EDS

research and groups lol. The family therapist says he retreats to his own safe

world. His PTSD is from the Vietnam War. His military papers are in and is

expected to take forever! Meanwhile, I have to pay for EVERYTHING.

Okay, maybe it is me. I am depressed right now. I wish I had more energy. I

feel I should be able to jump up and have some energy and get things done. But,

I cannot even clean my apartment these day. Bill is worried now because I am

so worried. Sorry for the diatribe.

QUESTION: Does anybody understand the disability of PTSD. My spouse is

sometimes like a child. Other times he is just great. He looks up to me to help

him

when I am looking to him. Or perhaps I should be in a home for the disabled or

assisted housing. Even then it takes brain power that I no longer have.

Meanwhile, I skimp on our food bill and only spend money to go to our many

doctors. Taxi and more medicine to pay for. Then I find my husband who I had

separated from seven years ago...really did have medical conditions. If he did

not know about PTSD you know I did not know. It served to explain why he could

not maintain a job and why our emotional relationship was a mess. I had major

depression back then over all my surgeries and all that. That he had depression

since Vietnam is amazing. I did not know. He had refused to go to a

therapist.

Now, 14 months back together I am miserable at the end of every month. I was

barely getting by on my own. Taking back the hubby has stretched me [no pun

intended] to my limits.

I am in that group of people who cannot get help from the government because

they say I earn too much. By the time I pay my ridiculous rent, pay for my

medicare, pay our Aetna insurance, buy my prescriptions, buy his prescriptions,

buy a wee bit of food, pay monthly loan payment I am way pass broke. My

therapist tried to help but I cannot get my paperwork together. Bill cannot. But

I

will try again after this email and a nap.

So I am without meds. That medicine being Norvasc. But I do have my Kdur,

Cardura and Avapro. I have to decide to buy my meds or pay my utilities and keep

the phone and lights/gas on. Or more to the point do I keep my internet

accounts and all that. I will DIE without my internet buddies :->.

Question: I am having a problem with my PTSD, depression diagnosed husband.

He I guess should not work. If things were not already bad enough it looks like

he is EDS. it explains why his osteoarthritis is so painful. Or NOT. Anyway,

we are alone. The friends I had all happened to move from my area. I feel I

have to forget about me and care about him when he should be caring about me.

Finally, back to me being different. My having Autonomic Dysreflexia is

driving me crazy. It is almost like they would have to change the rules of BP to

include me. Haaaaa. It is amazing how a typed vent works. I am okay. I am

scheduled to see my family therapist tomorrow. Thank for reading. Caro.