Re: Sleep problems

September 1, 2001

Maeve

I've been exactly there and unfortunately I haven't found any long term

answers. Like you, I find something that works for a while and then,

nothing. Both of my kids never learned to put themselves to sleep. I use to

rock them and then move them to the crib. People that I was nuts, but it

worked for my husband and I. And neither of us could stand that teaching

stage where they cry their little hearts out. It wasn't for us.

When they were old enough to go to the bed and not the crib, it seemed that

they were able to go in there and eventually fall asleep on their own. But

there are always bad cycles. My daughter is 12 now, so it's not a problem

(if she's up, she's usually REAL quiet cause she doesn't want me to know)

but when she was younger she went through her fazes. I remember after their

dad left, we would do a thing were everyone fell asleep (except for me!!) in

my bed and then I'd move the kids when they were asleep. Again, didn't last

for long.

Recently I tried having a tv going, and lights off to help Adam go to sleep.

Well I thought I had found the secret key to life!!!! It worked real well

and I was thrilled. Well now 'he's afraid of the dark' or he's not watching

the shows I told him (calming ones); he's arguing for the Simpsons (which is

basically on 24 hours a day) which keeps him up LONGER cause he's

interested.

So that's not working, so now, I'm into the relaxation tapes thing. That was

going well, last night he said he would only do it if someone lied with him,

(I was watching a real favourite show of mine) and so that fell through.

I don't know that our kids are all that manipulative. It does sound like it

doesn't it? But I think it's just being over tired, not wanting to separate,

and just knowing mom or dad is around. Now these kids have NO problems or

issues at their dad's cause he just yells at them to go to sleep and is not

above " leaving them to cry " (when they were at that stage---funny when he

lived here he couldn't stand it, but on his own, the girlfriend has

convinced him her way is better!!!! go figure).

But it comes down to the fact that you need sleep. needs a regular

routine (which ultimately will help with the sleep thing). I, too, am trying

to convince myself to do that routine thing, but being alone, I can't take

turns with someone, and some nights it is right in the middle of something

else I might be doing. Oh well, I have to be firm about it.

I guess you could try the old stand by......bath, story, cuddle, snack and

bed. Give him a toy, a nightlight, or maybe " permission " to play an

additional 15 minutes in bed?? And then sleep?? Something to bridge having

to leave you?

Obviously I'm not the best one to give advice, since I can't get my own

house in order, but I just throw out a few ideas if you haven't thought of

them yet!!!!

It's universal with kids though (nothing to do with RSS) don't beat yourself

up on it. And don't listen to people who say " it's your fault you trained

them this way " or whatever. I think it's a kinder, gentler form of parenting

when they are small (that's what I believe anyway)

Gosh I hope you get some sleep soon!!!!

Debby

September 1, 2001

Maeve,

I have been searching through your messages trying to figure out

how old is. All three of my children have been terrible

sleepers. My youngest, , was the same situation as you

described. It use to take me 2 hours to get him to calm down and get

to sleep. I would lay on the floor with him until he passed out and

then he would still wake up several times through the night. I even

tried at two years old to put him in a bed and the most it did for me

was to give me a comfortable place to lay with him through the

night. The one thing I did notice was that my kids ALWAYS slept

through the night when I was out of town and their dad was watching

them.

This could be explained two ways, he either never woke up to their

cries, or they knew I wasn't there so they just put themselves back

to sleep. My son has now begun to sleep through the night at

age 2 1/2. I have really made an effort to not get up the minute I

hear fussing (his room is right next door). I think because he is so

close I maybe respond too quickly and don't give him the opportunity

to get back to sleep on his own...?

You also mentioned that he had colic and I was wondering if you have

considered whether he has some sort of food allergy. Kids that are

sensitive to dairy will get cramps and gas at night and that will

wake them up. We also found that not giving any chocolate

after 5:00 p.m. greatly reduced the amount of times he woke up at

night.

My last comment is about my RSS son Jonathon. He started sleeping

great after he started Periactin. It wasn't a great drug for us when

he was awake but it worked great to get him alseep and stay asleep.

I don't know if this is helpful, but you might want to suggest to

your husband that he might want to see if would sleep better

for a night if you weren't in the house. Then you could slip away to

some hotel with comfy beds and sleep to your hearts content.

Good luck counting sheep....

Pattie

September 2, 2001

Dear Maeve,

I'm sorry I don;t have an answer for your problem - but I know

exactly where you are at - we have a very similar problem with

Finlay - its very hard to settle him at night and he wakes up several

times and if left to cry he vomits......

Anyway - no quick fix answers - we are still battling with this most

nights too...in Finlays case I think it is a combination fo the ng

tube and the feeding pump - so hopefully there will be no more probs

once he gets the g tube!!

Anyway I do believe that there is usually an underlying cause when

children are unable to sleep - I think someone else mentioned food

allergies??? - It might be worth talking to a doctor/health visitor

to see if they have any ideas. Sleep deprivation is not to be taken

lightly - ity really colours your day and your relationships - Mark

and I are so grumpy with each other at 3 am after we have both

already been up to FInlay earlier in the night!!!!!

So I guess what I am saying is its important that you get the support

to make this as manageable as possible for your family.....

I know there has been great debate on this list earlier regarding the

use of alternative medicines - but I have heard that there are some

homeopathic remedies out there that can help to settle restless

sleepers.

The other thing I have to tell you that we have used in desperation

si Phenergan - its an antehistamine that makes kids drowsy - we have

used it with some succcess - the theory was that if FInlay could

experience a good nights sleep for 2 or 3 nights in a row then he

would " unlearn " the habit of waking up several times a night...it did

work actually for a few nights after we stopped using the medicine

but it was shortlived - however occasionsally I do still give him

phenergan when he is sick and congested. Its commonly prescribed for

kids going on long airplane rides to help them to sleep.

Anyway I am sending you good sleeping vibes ...and I wish I could

give you a miracle cure!

September 2, 2001

speaking of sleep problems we are going through that with steven. It

is funny you mention food allergies. We have noticed that steven has

been getting little red bumps around his mouth We seem to notice them

mostly after his milk or yogurt (but have not pinpointed it to that)

but since we put him on milk instead of pediasure (due to the huge

increase in weight) we have not slept a full night. he always winds

up in our bed at 2 or 3 am. My husband swears we need to let him

cry because he use to go to bed by himself and sleep 12 hours, but if

we let him cry he throws up like crazy then it makes the night even

longer. I wonder if there is a simple quick way to see if he is

allergic to milk, and I wonder if it is contributing to the

sleeplessness??

>

September 3, 2001

Maeve,

I don't have any great words of wisdom for you other than do whatever you have

to to get sleep!!!! I have 3-1/2 year old triplets and we're finally starting

to get a little sleep around here. Sleep deprivation is just aweful! We have

had our kids in and out of our beds since they were babies. I don't care as

long as I get sleep. Now they're staying in their beds better than ever but now

we wake up when they have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Thats when they sometimes come in our bed now. Who cares. As long as we sleep.

A book was recommended to me to help get more sleep - Dr. Ferber's

" Solve your Childs Sleep Problems " . It's suppose to be a great book but

honestly I've had no time to open up. It looks good on the shelf, though.

Anyway, give it a try if all else fails.

Cheryl

Mom to , , and (RSS) - all 3-1/2

September 3, 2001