Guest guest Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hi Chris I think i read in an earlier post you gave information on the driving time to kaiser south san francisco and also information on the preop and post op meetings at the pointwest Kaiser Clinic, You have helped me alot in the Kaiser world.........I printed those letters in put them in my folder so i can pull them out and have them when i need them, i would of like to go to the preop support grp meeting this sat, but i have inlaws visiting from mexico and this is the nascar race weekend in sonoma and i am going to that on sunday and meeting my sister on sat night to get together before the race................... Silly as it sounds, even though i know it is to soon, i find myself everyother day, sometimes every day checking online to see if i have any of the pscyh eval or nutritionist appointments scheduled online yet..............I find somedays i am waiting to hear when Christmas is going to be, like my sugery date willl be Christmas, but in all reality i think it will be christmas or so when i get surgery..................I never loose hope and I never loose faith, I think my next excitment will be when i am weighed officially for the ten percent mark..... I am making some changes now, i dont drink carbonated beverages, i dont eat much sugary stuff, i am trying not to eat much bread, I have been walking more and with my family off for a few days in oregon i have been listening to music and dancing /exercising a bit. I have been reading more posts, found a website last night that showed a dr that had a sort of slide show of still photographs of the rny arthroscopically.......I am starting to give up wine, still have a little but not that often, I am trying to make changes here and there and to think about things before i do them ect.................................... anyways thanks for your help................and again thanks to everyones posts Colleenchris lopez wrote: Hi Shell, I think it absolutely fabulous that you have turned your life into such a dream and I'm flattered that you feel safe enough to share things this personal with all of us on the list. Hats off to you girlfriend With all the hard work you've done, you deserved these wonderful blessings. ChrisShell wrote: Well here¡¦s the off off topic part...... (smile)My wedding is getting closer and closer, as time draws near it has me reflecting on my life, were I am were I was and were im going. I hope you all don¡¦t mind me venting a bit here. On July 21st 1993 I was an alcoholic woman. I had been married 12 years I was 30 years old and felt my life was over. I was three hundred pounds and drunk EVERYDAY. I was a drug addict who was a very dishonest person. I did all I had to do to get money for my drugs and booze. I was not an honest person. July 21st was the day my life changed. I checked into a 28 day alcohol program and got sober. It was a start of a journey that was to last till this day. I divorced my husband, worked really hard on my sobriety and went back to school. I was a high school drop out.I had been working at a mindless job for 20 years. Leaving that job was scary. It was a safe job, one I knew I could have till I retired and one I new with my education I could do. I have ALWAYS suffer from ¡§Im to stupid ,Im to dumb,Im to fat I¡¦m to blah blah blah,,,, no one beat me up more then I beat myself up. Imagine my surprise when I went back to school and passed all my classes on the honor role?? Funny my friends and family were not surprised at all. I made a decision to try and get into the Hotel business. I love people and am very good with them.I was hired by Marriott International in October 2001 and just excelled at my job. For the first time in my life I started making really good money. I have ALWAYS lived paycheck to paycheck. I was a poor girl from the mission is San Francisco I have been though allot during my almost 11 years of sobriety. I have worked on myself, I worked on all my pain from childhood all my hidden demons and most of all on my relationship with god. In September 2001 I met .The most gentle, loving, kind man a women could ever hope to meet. It really is a Cinderella story. I came from a very poor background. has introduced me to a life I have never known.First came the huge 2ct perfect cut diamond ring that just takes my breath away ever time I look at it (and everyone else to ƒº) Second is this wedding we are planning. is really giving me a dream wedding. Its been very hard for me to accept these beautiful gifts god and placed in my life. I would marry in Reno and that would have made me happy, but He wanted a huge wedding with all of our friends and family. He tells me I have brought magic back into his life and that he has had a dream of his own, of what his wedding would look like. When we went to plan our honeymoon we sat down in the travel office and he looked at me and said ok were do you want to go? I was like huh? And he said were do you want to go? Anywhere in the world you pick. I was so floored.I¡¦m trying to take all this in. I¡¦m trying to remind myself I did allot of work to get to were I am and that I deserve this, but it¡¦s hard. My feelings of ¡§not good enough or Im less then¡¨ still seems to linger. I am also excelling at my job as well, it just keeps getting better and better. I was told im going to be getting ready for another promotion. I work in H.R and for women like me to be in a place like I am just amazes me to no end. Its allot to take in. I am trusted and respected as an upstanding women in the work place. The great thing is my boss & my General Manager all no my background yet they trust me. I am honored and baffled at the same time lol.I¡¦m sorry this has been so long I just felt like shareing were Im at today. I¡¦m so so lucky and blessed. I am also scared. Its allot to taken, not to mention what having this surgery has done to my life. Losing 165 pounds is also a huge success, like I said. I¡¦m so happy I have this group to be able to vent. Please forgive me if Im not posting as much or I don¡¦t respond to your post. I do read ALL the post but don¡¦t always have allot of time to respond as id like to. Just no I love you all and support you all in your journey. If any of you ever need me for any reason please email personally, many people have and I always love hearing from my members. If you read this long thank you!!Shell359/197/?Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2004 Report Share Posted June 25, 2004 HI Collen, Hey, I printed so many emails that were helpful and have referred to them many times. This group is a goldmine for info. Well, there's always next month for the support group. I kept saying I was going to go but never made it. Then, once I was approved it was one of the appointments that was made for me, so I guess I'm officially part of the group. Honey, not silly at all. I did the same thing check online and then the website was down and being redesigned for about two weeks! I almost lost my mind! I was like an addict needing a fix, gotta check that website--it was pretty ridiculous. Good for you in making changes now. I'm not eating as much sugar, although that is the big addiciton for me, and have given up all carbonated beverages except ginger ale which helps enormously with gastric reflux. That's going to be a toughy. I'm also not eating much bread, but I'm having lots of trouble with the exercise. I have a muscle enzyme imbalance that causes inflammation, so I can't do a lot. I'm trying to do water aerobics regularly and swim as much possible but even that is hard. It'sdefinitely one day at a time. ChrisColleen Garner wrote: Hi Chris I think i read in an earlier post you gave information on the driving time to kaiser south san francisco and also information on the preop and post op meetings at the pointwest Kaiser Clinic, You have helped me alot in the Kaiser world.........I printed those letters in put them in my folder so i can pull them out and have them when i need them, i would of like to go to the preop support grp meeting this sat, but i have inlaws visiting from mexico and this is the nascar race weekend in sonoma and i am going to that on sunday and meeting my sister on sat night to get together before the race................... Silly as it sounds, even though i know it is to soon, i find myself everyother day, sometimes every day checking online to see if i have any of the pscyh eval or nutritionist appointments scheduled online yet..............I find somedays i am waiting to hear when Christmas is going to be, like my sugery date willl be Christmas, but in all reality i think it will be christmas or so when i get surgery..................I never loose hope and I never loose faith, I think my next excitment will be when i am weighed officially for the ten percent mark..... I am making some changes now, i dont drink carbonated beverages, i dont eat much sugary stuff, i am trying not to eat much bread, I have been walking more and with my family off for a few days in oregon i have been listening to music and dancing /exercising a bit. I have been reading more posts, found a website last night that showed a dr that had a sort of slide show of still photographs of the rny arthroscopically.......I am starting to give up wine, still have a little but not that often, I am trying to make changes here and there and to think about things before i do them ect.................................... anyways thanks for your help................and again thanks to everyones posts Colleenchris lopez wrote: Hi Shell, I think it absolutely fabulous that you have turned your life into such a dream and I'm flattered that you feel safe enough to share things this personal with all of us on the list. Hats off to you girlfriend With all the hard work you've done, you deserved these wonderful blessings. ChrisShell wrote: Well here¡¦s the off off topic part...... (smile)My wedding is getting closer and closer, as time draws near it has me reflecting on my life, were I am were I was and were im going. I hope you all don¡¦t mind me venting a bit here. On July 21st 1993 I was an alcoholic woman. I had been married 12 years I was 30 years old and felt my life was over. I was three hundred pounds and drunk EVERYDAY. I was a drug addict who was a very dishonest person. I did all I had to do to get money for my drugs and booze. I was not an honest person. July 21st was the day my life changed. I checked into a 28 day alcohol program and got sober. It was a start of a journey that was to last till this day. I divorced my husband, worked really hard on my sobriety and went back to school. I was a high school drop out.I had been working at a mindless job for 20 years. Leaving that job was scary. It was a safe job, one I knew I could have till I retired and one I new with my education I could do. I have ALWAYS suffer from ¡§Im to stupid ,Im to dumb,Im to fat I¡¦m to blah blah blah,,,, no one beat me up more then I beat myself up. Imagine my surprise when I went back to school and passed all my classes on the honor role?? Funny my friends and family were not surprised at all. I made a decision to try and get into the Hotel business. I love people and am very good with them.I was hired by Marriott International in October 2001 and just excelled at my job. For the first time in my life I started making really good money. I have ALWAYS lived paycheck to paycheck. I was a poor girl from the mission is San Francisco I have been though allot during my almost 11 years of sobriety. I have worked on myself, I worked on all my pain from childhood all my hidden demons and most of all on my relationship with god. In September 2001 I met .The most gentle, loving, kind man a women could ever hope to meet. It really is a Cinderella story. I came from a very poor background. has introduced me to a life I have never known.First came the huge 2ct perfect cut diamond ring that just takes my breath away ever time I look at it (and everyone else to ƒº) Second is this wedding we are planning. is really giving me a dream wedding. Its been very hard for me to accept these beautiful gifts god and placed in my life. I would marry in Reno and that would have made me happy, but He wanted a huge wedding with all of our friends and family. He tells me I have brought magic back into his life and that he has had a dream of his own, of what his wedding would look like. When we went to plan our honeymoon we sat down in the travel office and he looked at me and said ok were do you want to go? I was like huh? And he said were do you want to go? Anywhere in the world you pick. I was so floored.I¡¦m trying to take all this in. I¡¦m trying to remind myself I did allot of work to get to were I am and that I deserve this, but it¡¦s hard. My feelings of ¡§not good enough or Im less then¡¨ still seems to linger. I am also excelling at my job as well, it just keeps getting better and better. I was told im going to be getting ready for another promotion. I work in H.R and for women like me to be in a place like I am just amazes me to no end. Its allot to take in. I am trusted and respected as an upstanding women in the work place. The great thing is my boss & my General Manager all no my background yet they trust me. I am honored and baffled at the same time lol.I¡¦m sorry this has been so long I just felt like shareing were Im at today. I¡¦m so so lucky and blessed. I am also scared. Its allot to taken, not to mention what having this surgery has done to my life. Losing 165 pounds is also a huge success, like I said. I¡¦m so happy I have this group to be able to vent. Please forgive me if Im not posting as much or I don¡¦t respond to your post. I do read ALL the post but don¡¦t always have allot of time to respond as id like to. Just no I love you all and support you all in your journey. If any of you ever need me for any reason please email personally, many people have and I always love hearing from my members. If you read this long thank you!!Shell359/197/? Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Hello Chris i wish i could give you a hug..........i can sense your frustration and desperation in your letter..............My daughter is sort of freaking also, but she is 21, studying to be a physical therapist and has learned so much in her anatomy and then physiology class about the body that she worries, and is worried i might die in the surgery.............. I can't imagine what it would feel like if I didnt have back up for my kids and husband they are lucky to have one another...........my son doesnt understand, to him its like getting a tooth pulled (also 13) but i didnt sit him down and do a whole explanation........... Whatever you decide to do just make sure it is right for you, i would say leave your options open and still go to the meetings and make appointments...............just dont shut yourself out of something you may want to still do.........hey if you gained a little and then lost a little, it just may take later to get a surgey date...........Hang in there, dont give up.............. colleen vacaville, still waiting for my orientation date of 10-26chris lopez wrote: Hi guys, I really need help here. The summer was hellish, but we finally got moved. We've got some serious family stuff happening and the pressure has been enormous. I had family visiting during August/early September and all they wanted to do was eat out. I fell right back into my old codependent behavior and accomodated and of course gained weight. I did not make my September support meeting because we were in the process of moving (it actually took us four days because most of my promised help and vehicles fell through). The stress has been unbelievable. I went into Kaiser to pick up prescriptions and weighted in health educsation and am actually down two pounds since the last doctor's visit August 20th, which means I lost whatever I gained plus two more pounds. The problem is, since I saw Dr. Stiles in August, that only registers as one pound. I have no appointments scheduled because I had to do a sleep apnea test (the CPAP was a nightmare) and I'm worried that since I missed one support group meeting that I'm out of the program. Also, what on earth are they going to say when they see I've only lost two pounds since August? Course, I could lose more between now and the next group but still. I feel like I let this whole summer sidetrack me from what was really important and didn't take care of my own needs. Also, do I just show up for the next support group meeting even though it appears I'm not scheduled? I'm so frustrated, I feel like just giving up, but then the last year will have been for nothing and I'm right back where I was a year ago this time (well a bit lighter, but still). Any advice is much appreciated. There are rocky times ahead and I'm having trouble coping. in Sac. Gold Canyon Candles Sensaria Natural Skincare Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Hi Colleen, Boy could I use a hug right now, so I'll take you're big ole virtual hug. I was just thinking that if surgery is delayed because I have to repeat this test, maybe that's a good thing and will give me longer to deal with my daughter's crises. I so know that God allows everything for a reason so I'm trying to put it all in perspective. I just so needed to vent because I've been not dealing with my own emotions lately--too busy taking care of everyone else, and I know all too well what can happen when I start stuffing emotions. You know, to most of my friends, I'm this wise old Auntie and I think sometimes my own needs just get swept under the carpet, not because they're unfeeling but because I don't allow them to know what I need. That's what happened when my nephew was here, which is wickedly bizarre since he is the one who convinced me I needed/deserved the tool of surgery and then proceeded to spend a month sabatoging me! I so didn't want to rock the boat so I just let it happen to me and now I'm so mad about it I could spit! ChrisColleen Garner wrote: Hello Chris i wish i could give you a hug..........i can sense your frustration and desperation in your letter..............My daughter is sort of freaking also, but she is 21, studying to be a physical therapist and has learned so much in her anatomy and then physiology class about the body that she worries, and is worried i might die in the surgery.............. I can't imagine what it would feel like if I didnt have back up for my kids and husband they are lucky to have one another...........my son doesnt understand, to him its like getting a tooth pulled (also 13) but i didnt sit him down and do a whole explanation........... Whatever you decide to do just make sure it is right for you, i would say leave your options open and still go to the meetings and make appointments...............just dont shut yourself out of something you may want to still do.........hey if you gained a little and then lost a little, it just may take later to get a surgey date...........Hang in there, dont give up.............. colleen vacaville, still waiting for my orientation date of 10-26chris lopez wrote: Hi guys, I really need help here. The summer was hellish, but we finally got moved. We've got some serious family stuff happening and the pressure has been enormous. I had family visiting during August/early September and all they wanted to do was eat out. I fell right back into my old codependent behavior and accomodated and of course gained weight. I did not make my September support meeting because we were in the process of moving (it actually took us four days because most of my promised help and vehicles fell through). The stress has been unbelievable. I went into Kaiser to pick up prescriptions and weighted in health educsation and am actually down two pounds since the last doctor's visit August 20th, which means I lost whatever I gained plus two more pounds. The problem is, since I saw Dr. Stiles in August, that only registers as one pound. I have no appointments scheduled because I had to do a sleep apnea test (the CPAP was a nightmare) and I'm worried that since I missed one support group meeting that I'm out of the program. Also, what on earth are they going to say when they see I've only lost two pounds since August? Course, I could lose more between now and the next group but still. I feel like I let this whole summer sidetrack me from what was really important and didn't take care of my own needs. Also, do I just show up for the next support group meeting even though it appears I'm not scheduled? I'm so frustrated, I feel like just giving up, but then the last year will have been for nothing and I'm right back where I was a year ago this time (well a bit lighter, but still). Any advice is much appreciated. There are rocky times ahead and I'm having trouble coping. in Sac. Gold Canyon Candles Sensaria Natural Skincare Colleen Gold Canyon Candles Sensaria Natural Skincare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2004 Report Share Posted October 12, 2004 Hi Colleen, Boy could I use a hug right now, so I'll take you're big ole virtual hug. I was just thinking that if surgery is delayed because I have to repeat this test, maybe that's a good thing and will give me longer to deal with my daughter's crises. I so know that God allows everything for a reason so I'm trying to put it all in perspective. I just so needed to vent because I've been not dealing with my own emotions lately--too busy taking care of everyone else, and I know all too well what can happen when I start stuffing emotions. You know, to most of my friends, I'm this wise old Auntie and I think sometimes my own needs just get swept under the carpet, not because they're unfeeling but because I don't allow them to know what I need. That's what happened when my nephew was here, which is wickedly bizarre since he is the one who convinced me I needed/deserved the tool of surgery and then proceeded to spend a month sabatoging me! I so didn't want to rock the boat so I just let it happen to me and now I'm so mad about it I could spit! ChrisColleen Garner wrote: Hello Chris i wish i could give you a hug..........i can sense your frustration and desperation in your letter..............My daughter is sort of freaking also, but she is 21, studying to be a physical therapist and has learned so much in her anatomy and then physiology class about the body that she worries, and is worried i might die in the surgery.............. I can't imagine what it would feel like if I didnt have back up for my kids and husband they are lucky to have one another...........my son doesnt understand, to him its like getting a tooth pulled (also 13) but i didnt sit him down and do a whole explanation........... Whatever you decide to do just make sure it is right for you, i would say leave your options open and still go to the meetings and make appointments...............just dont shut yourself out of something you may want to still do.........hey if you gained a little and then lost a little, it just may take later to get a surgey date...........Hang in there, dont give up.............. colleen vacaville, still waiting for my orientation date of 10-26chris lopez wrote: Hi guys, I really need help here. The summer was hellish, but we finally got moved. We've got some serious family stuff happening and the pressure has been enormous. I had family visiting during August/early September and all they wanted to do was eat out. I fell right back into my old codependent behavior and accomodated and of course gained weight. I did not make my September support meeting because we were in the process of moving (it actually took us four days because most of my promised help and vehicles fell through). The stress has been unbelievable. I went into Kaiser to pick up prescriptions and weighted in health educsation and am actually down two pounds since the last doctor's visit August 20th, which means I lost whatever I gained plus two more pounds. The problem is, since I saw Dr. Stiles in August, that only registers as one pound. I have no appointments scheduled because I had to do a sleep apnea test (the CPAP was a nightmare) and I'm worried that since I missed one support group meeting that I'm out of the program. Also, what on earth are they going to say when they see I've only lost two pounds since August? Course, I could lose more between now and the next group but still. I feel like I let this whole summer sidetrack me from what was really important and didn't take care of my own needs. Also, do I just show up for the next support group meeting even though it appears I'm not scheduled? I'm so frustrated, I feel like just giving up, but then the last year will have been for nothing and I'm right back where I was a year ago this time (well a bit lighter, but still). Any advice is much appreciated. There are rocky times ahead and I'm having trouble coping. in Sac. Gold Canyon Candles Sensaria Natural Skincare Colleen Gold Canyon Candles Sensaria Natural Skincare Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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