Re: A little bummed - THE TRUTH

[Guest guest]

Oh Rita:

I know we don't know each other very well, and I haven't been able to be very

active on this list, but I read your post and my heart just broke for you. I

cannot even imagine how you must feel after being told that. I hate that for you

so much. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.

, mom to Rob, 15

[Guest guest]

Dear Rita,

Very sorry to hear this has happened to you. It's not an uncommon thing,

unfortunately, as far as I can tell. Sometimes there are marital problems

under the surface, and chronic disease just brings it out after a while. It

can work both ways, that is, it can be husbands, or it can be wives,

whichever one is healthy. I wish there was something we could do, but you

know you have our support.

Pierre

Re: A little bummed - THE TRUTH

I wasn't sure if I should share this or not but here it goes....when I put

" A little bummed " in the subject line - I actually am - yes a little sad

about and a being so far away from me, but more because of the

lack of support from my husband. I try not to air my personal displeasures,

in fact the more hurt I feel the harder for me to let it out. Let the truth

be known that hubby and I have grown so far apart and he told me he did not

love me anymore - WHEW - okay there I've said it! He told me this about 3

months ago. At first I felt as though my heart was literally breaking

apart. I am getting better as the days go by though...I'm beginning to see

that his feelings towards me, my weight gain, my everything he hates, has

nothing to do with me - it's about him! Yeah - a little bummed is correct -

I wish things were different - but they are what they are.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to get it out. I think it's probably

a good step on my part. Hugs, Rita

[Guest guest]

Dear Rita,

Very sorry to hear this has happened to you. It's not an uncommon thing,

unfortunately, as far as I can tell. Sometimes there are marital problems

under the surface, and chronic disease just brings it out after a while. It

can work both ways, that is, it can be husbands, or it can be wives,

whichever one is healthy. I wish there was something we could do, but you

know you have our support.

Pierre

Re: A little bummed - THE TRUTH

I wasn't sure if I should share this or not but here it goes....when I put

" A little bummed " in the subject line - I actually am - yes a little sad

about and a being so far away from me, but more because of the

lack of support from my husband. I try not to air my personal displeasures,

in fact the more hurt I feel the harder for me to let it out. Let the truth

be known that hubby and I have grown so far apart and he told me he did not

love me anymore - WHEW - okay there I've said it! He told me this about 3

months ago. At first I felt as though my heart was literally breaking

apart. I am getting better as the days go by though...I'm beginning to see

that his feelings towards me, my weight gain, my everything he hates, has

nothing to do with me - it's about him! Yeah - a little bummed is correct -

I wish things were different - but they are what they are.

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to get it out. I think it's probably

a good step on my part. Hugs, Rita

[Guest guest]

Oh Rita,

I read your email with so much sadness. I am glad you were able to get it

out in the open because that is a burden too heavy to carry on your own. I can

only imagine how hurt and rejected you have to feel. I think that sometimes

our spouses don't know how to deal with the emotions of our chronic illness and

withdraw or close down at a time when we need the emotional support the most.

I am so sad you are so far away from your kids and then don't have a refuge

in your own home. You are right that it has more to do with him than with you,

but that does not make it any less painful for me.

Don't you and have a trip to Mexico coming up? I was thinking maybe

some time away together would help to rekindle things. Rita, I will pray for

you and for your marriage.

In a message dated 11/19/2004 5:59:33 PM Pacific Standard Time,

jrzyrita@... writes:

> I wasn't sure if I should share this or not but here it goes....when I put

> " A little bummed " in the subject line - I actually am - yes a little sad

> about and a being so far away from me, but more because of the

lack

> of support from my husband. I try not to air my personal displeasures, in

> fact the more hurt I feel the harder for me to let it out. Let the truth be

> known that hubby and I have grown so far apart and he told me he did not love

> me anymore - WHEW - okay there I've said it! He told me this about 3 months

> ago. At first I felt as though my heart was literally breaking apart. I am

> getting better as the days go by though...I'm beginning to see that his

> feelings towards me, my weight gain, my everything he hates, has nothing to do

> with me - it's about him! Yeah - a little bummed is correct - I wish things

> were different - but they are what they are.

>

> Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to get it out. I think it's probably

> a good step on my part. Hugs, Rita

[Guest guest]

Oh Rita...this makes me even more sad and my heart just aches for you. Do

your children know the situation? I can only imagine how humiliating you felt

when 's DUI cam across your office, BUT, that is a reflection on HIM, not

on you! It was that made the decision to get behind the wheel Rita.

The financial realities have to make this all the more stressful. I am

sending you big " " hugs as Bonnie would say, and again I will keep you in

my

prayers dear Rita.

n a message dated 11/20/2004 6:42:22 AM Pacific Standard Time,

jrzyrita@... writes:

> Actually Amy, I had begged him for years to go through marriage counseling

> to no avail. This last year he finally pursued, it unbeknownst to me. When

> I asked yet again - he spilled the beans and asked if I would like to go. I

> jumped on it! The counselor had set up 3 sessions with me alone which I did.

> He indicated that my hubby was probably unwilling to make any changes and

> was pretty self-centered. The next step was to have counseling with and

> I together. We never did get to that point because - and here goes another

> HUGE issue for me - had a DUI and was incarcerated on a work-release

> program, so he could not travel to the counselor's office. Can you

> imagine.....I work for the DUI unit and had to deal with his name coming

across my desk.

> I was so humiliated. Getting back to the counselor, I am almost certain he

> would indicate to have us separate - I believe that is what wants. For

> me - I don't want to leave my home, also my financial situation is not

> good. I would not be able to afford my meds, an apartment a car payment,

> college loans, etc. It's a difficult decision to say the least. Rita

[Guest guest]

Oh Rita,

I hate to think of you struggling alone with this and not letting any of us

know. That's the sort of stuff that eats and eats at you. If you and

separate, are you in a position where you can land on your feet?

Cy

> Re: A little bummed - THE TRUTH

>

>

>

> I wasn't sure if I should share this or not but here it goes....when I put

> " A little bummed " in the subject line - I actually am - yes a little sad

> about and a being so far away from me, but more because of

the

> lack of support from my husband. I try not to air my personal

displeasures,

> in fact the more hurt I feel the harder for me to let it out. Let the

truth

> be known that hubby and I have grown so far apart and he told me he did

not

> love me anymore - WHEW - okay there I've said it! He told me this about 3

> months ago. At first I felt as though my heart was literally breaking

> apart. I am getting better as the days go by though...I'm beginning to

see

> that his feelings towards me, my weight gain, my everything he hates, has

> nothing to do with me - it's about him! Yeah - a little bummed is

correct -

> I wish things were different - but they are what they are.

>

> Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to get it out. I think it's

probably

> a good step on my part. Hugs, Rita

>

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Great advise Tara. I am huge on counting my blessings every day too!

In a message dated 11/22/2004 6:10:01 AM Pacific Standard Time,

tnewman@... writes:

> Learn to

> find happiness and contentment in the small things in life.

[Guest guest]

Hi Rita,

I'm so sorry that your husband has said this to you, he sounds like a real

stinker. I mean, you're still the same person no matter what some disease will

do to you (weight gain ect...). If he can't see that, then he's missing out on

a lot.

He should be mad at the disease, not taking it out on you.

Just don't you forget that you are still yourself and worth it, even if he's

callous and stupid enough not to realize that.

The appearance changes are part of the package with a lot of diseases and the

people who want to be with us are just going to have to accept it- after all, we

have to first!

How about moving to where your son is going?

hang in there,

-beth

[Guest guest]

Rita, I echo all positive comments you've seen re your husband. I can't say

in this open forum the five letter word I am imagining.

Change IS the hardest part of our added burden in life....for ourselves, our

loved ones, and even our enemies (though I have found mine somewhat amused

by my current state).

Cheers, Bart

Re: A little bummed - THE TRUTH

Hi Rita,

I'm so sorry that your husband has said this to you, he sounds like a real

stinker. I mean, you're still the same person no matter what some disease

will do to you (weight gain ect...). If he can't see that, then he's

missing out on a lot.

He should be mad at the disease, not taking it out on you.

Just don't you forget that you are still yourself and worth it, even if he's

callous and stupid enough not to realize that.

The appearance changes are part of the package with a lot of diseases and

the people who want to be with us are just going to have to accept it- after

all, we have to first!

How about moving to where your son is going?

hang in there,

-beth