my breakdown

[Guest guest]

Last night I had my breakdown. I know there will be more to come. I was

diagnosed on tuesday with the monster. I thought.. ok I can deal with

this. Last night I took a hot bath with epsom salts, as I read here was

a good thing to help pain. I felt fine afterward. I decided to mop my

kitchen floor. Before I was finished, the pain in my back was horrible.

I went to bed and laid on my ever present heating pad. It suddenly hit

me as to how my life is now changed forever. I know my meds arent right

yet and it will take a few weeks to hopefully get this under control

but, for example, I love to go camping in a tent. I thought, what if

the monster wont let me do that anymore. Then there is my career as a

teacher. I work for the State of Tn and I know I cant let management

know I have this. They will let me go saying I can't do my job. If I

lose my job, I will have no medical insurance, which I desperately need

now.. These thoughts were going through my head and scaring me to

death. I feel better mentally this morning. Yesterday my back was

kiling me and today it is my legs, hands and hips. I will somehow get

through the day like I did yesterday and start all over tomorrow. I

just wish someone could tell me that it will be ok and get better.

Theresa