feeling down

[Guest guest]

Hello Geoff,

I read your email post with an open heart and my husband and I have talked

and worked through some things. Although everyone has a right to their

opinion, I respectfully disagree with some of your comments to me. You

chose your opinion based on a small paragraph I had written about my

feelings at the time and pretty much judged me on how I treat my husband

every day by the small amount of details I gave. The worries and concerns I

posted to the board about my husband's new business were not the same

concerns I " put on " my husband. I don't want him to feel all kinds of

pressure from me. All he has heard form me about this business is how well

its going to do. Bad as my hands hurt, I even Designed, Typed up, and

printed flyers for advertising all the while saying we are going to do

great! I was describing TO THE BOARD my " private concerns " in need of

support and knowing how others have gotten through this. You apparently

took it that I throw all these issues and boulders on my husband and prove

lack of support for him by doing this. I have never told my husband that I

am angry I don't have benefits now since he quit his job. Those are my

feelings right now and I have a right to those feelings. They do not reflect

on him as lack of support and he doesn't even know about those feelings as I

realize he doesn't need the pressure right now. I was stating that I am

just angry now that I don't have benefits. I told THE GROUP that because I

look at this group as a place where we share the support needed in dealing

with the relationships we have strained by this illness.

As far as my husband knows, I am very supportive of his business, to the

point that I even pack lunches for him and the workers every day, to show my

support. I felt that I could air my worries to the board. I do not however

heap these worries onto my husband as you implied. Concerning the arguing

in front of my son-I definitely have the right to be upset here. I tried to

state the arguing in the nicest way possible but if I had said what truly

happened, I would have said that my husband walked behind me while I was

putting clothes away while screaming at me because I " refused " to argue with

him. When he starts screaming, I refuse to argue any further. I don't

deserve that disrespect! Because I wouldn't argue, he purposely screamed at

me in front of Connor (knowing this would bother me) so I would argue with

him. He even stated this to me. There are many more details to this mess

but I didn't want to go into all of them in the first place because all I

wanted was some support. Although you have a right to your opinion, you

made it and slammed me as a wife based on a couple of paragraphs. I don't

really feel you had the right to do so. I didn't mention that my husband

has been abusive in the past and that his screaming at me was because I

accidentally left a bag of buns out on the counter instead of in his decided

place on the right side of the refrigerator. The rest of the house was

spotless. That was what I meant when I said he wanted the house spotless but

I didn't want to make him sound like he was a horrible person. I said it

nicely joking about Homes and Gardens magazine. Does that sound like someone

who wants to bash her husband, in a cruel unsupportive, contentious way?

I am a christian so I understand your scripture direction but I as well as

my church have a very different view on biblical marriage. In our religious

beliefs, both husband and wife support, love, and honor each other. One

doesn't just support and the other just provides! We, in the past had

christian marital counseling so my husband and I are both aware of our

duties. I came to the board describing our situation in the nicest way

possible because I only wanted some support about dealing with these

diseases. I didn't want your opinion on how I'm a terrible wife based on 5

minutes of reading. I wanted support and was feeling that I needed views on

how others dealt with their husbands being affected by this illness! My

mistake thinking I would find that here and one that I won't make again.

Roseanne*