Re: THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND.. a few tears

[Guest guest]

Debra, I understand. I wish there were something constructive I could do for

you, but I can only sympathise and let you know you aren't alone in these

feelings. There were times when my daughter missed school when she was young

because I worked mostly nights and then couldn't wake up in the morning to get

her out the door. I have been single since she was a baby, never did have the

'nerve' to remarry. But, my parents were the ones who yelled at me about it.

She always told them. Finally I hired a live-in sitter, cos it was becoming

self-defeating to have them baby sit, and listen to them B**** at me every night

when I picked her up. Then, the sitter would get her off to school for me in the

AM. Of course, that peed my parents off no end, but it helped my stress levels

greatly. I hired a college student who did it in exchange for room and board, so

it worked out super. My daughter loved her. By the time graduated from

college, my daughter was nearly 12, and could get herself up and off. When

went home for summers, my daughter was on vacation as well, so it really

was a problem solver.

I also understand the frustration of having to listen to 'normals' gripe about

not feeling well and ignoring us completely. I don't have a solution for that

either. I was lucky in a way, when I was working I had more good than bad days.

At least until the last year or so. But when I did have a bad day, it always

seemed as though nobody noticed. Of course, a kitchen is no place to get

sympathy. I ended up with at least 3 severe burns during the course of my

career, and nobody ever got overly concerned with those either. I just had to

'deal' with them and get back to work. But, I still listen to friends and family

complain endlessly when they are 'ill', and I'm expected to keep silent when I'm

flaring. All of these things are part and parcel of the depression we all have.

When you combine the feeling of being treated like a 'second class citizen' with

the daily pain, it's a wonder that we even survive. I have come close at times

to becoming a hermit, luckily my mental health people usually get me 'back on

track', because that is one of the worst things we can do to ourselves. So, be

thankful for your family, even though they are so far from perfect. At least

they are there.

I really do understand.

Peace and Love

Caroline

I am so upset right now. Yesterday was a hard day in that I was depressed all

day. No new reason why. Just in general.

My boss was at work and she was complaining of this " virus " that she has and how

she " hurts " all over, and how " It just has to run its course " .... She or nobody

else ever asks me how I am or offers any kind of encouragement on my worst days.

I just look like $#_t everyday so they think that is just to be expected from

me. I wanted so bad to say.... " well, you know, imagine feeling two or three

times what you feel now and knowing it won't ever run its course " ......... I

know I should not be that way. But from what I suffer everyday in silence......

I get pissed when someone complains about their " virus " . Selfish????????

No, I just wish they knew what goes on in my body.

Then to top it off, this morning the d/h decided not to take the kids to

school... because it was my day off. Oh, I should have been able to spring up

out of bed and just go like everyone else and get the kids ready and take them

to school. I could not. So they stayed home. So he said " some mother you

are " ..... Like that makes me feel any better. As if I am just a lazy B_ _tch. I

just worked 4 days in a row which is harder for me than normal people with a

" virus " . NO ONE BELIEVES ME AND I AM SO TIRED OF IT. Sometimes I ask the selfish

question of " Is life worth living this way " ? I don't want sympathy,,,, just for

someone to understand in my daily life. It hurts all the way around.

love,

Debra V

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[Guest guest]

Deb, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I also got mad at

my husband one day for not even asking how i am feeling. It felt like

he didn't care. I had a talk with him and now he asks and I finally

can see his concern.

But it doesn't make my guilt any better. I feel useless alot of the

time, but i am trying to get passed it.

I know how much it sucks to not have anyone to relate to you. Just do

what you can and leave it at that. And tell your husband you need his

support or you can't get through it. Have you ever asked him to read

about your condition so he can get a better understanding of it? I

asked my husband to do that but he is yet to do it. I have bought the

book " fibromyalgia for dummies " and there is a whole chapter for your

loved ones to read.

I am sure you have done alot to try to get him to understand. I guess

nobody can understand completely unless they are experiencing it

themselves.

I wish you all the luck in getting through this. And know we are here

to listen.

Just don't push yourself too hard.

Jerilyn

>

> I am so upset right now. Yesterday was a hard day in that I was

depressed all day. No new reason why. Just in general.

>

> My boss was at work and she was complaining of this " virus " that

she has and how she " hurts " all over, and how " It just has to run

its course " .... She or nobody else ever asks me how I am or offers

any kind of encouragement on my worst days. I just look like $#_t

everyday so they think that is just to be expected from me. I wanted

so bad to say.... " well, you know, imagine feeling two or three times

what you feel now and knowing it won't ever run its course " .........

I know I should not be that way. But from what I suffer everyday in

silence...... I get pissed when someone complains about

their " virus " . Selfish????????

> No, I just wish they knew what goes on in my body.

>

> Then to top it off, this morning the d/h decided not to take the

kids to school... because it was my day off. Oh, I should have been

able to spring up out of bed and just go like everyone else and get

the kids ready and take them to school. I could not. So they stayed

home. So he said " some mother you are " ..... Like that makes me feel

any better. As if I am just a lazy B_ _tch. I just worked 4 days in

a row which is harder for me than normal people with a " virus " . NO

ONE BELIEVES ME AND I AM SO TIRED OF IT. Sometimes I ask the selfish

question of " Is life worth living this way " ? I don't want

sympathy,,,, just for someone to understand in my daily life. It

hurts all the way around.

>

> love,

> Debra V

>

>

> ---------------------------------

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homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Debra,

I SO sympathize. I get tired of people rolling their eyes when I say I

hurt, like its less significant than whatever their strain or sprain

is of the moment. I wish there was something I could say to comfort

you, but all I can say is I understand and send you hugs!

Your in my thoughts,

--Suzanne

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry, Deb that you things are going like this for you. I haven't been

well either and I can't wait until I have some medicine again that will help.

I hate that dr. that said that I was addicted to the Vicodin and took me

off of it. Today our kids ended up staying home, too, because my sil

(son-in-law) had to use the only vehicle that we have, since my daughter's

accident,

so that he could go to work. Well, it has been pouring rain here today and we

weren't about to have the kids walk to school in the rain, so we kept them

home. I know how you must be feeling to have the kids by yourself without the

dh there. He should have taken them to school to give you a break.

Something has been going on with my vision, because I have been finding it

increasingly harder to read the print on the screen of the monitor, so it is

uncomfortable to go through my mail and to respond. I'm sorry that I haven't

been very communicative lately because of this...not to mention it just hurts

like hell to sit here.

Love and gentle hugs,

Debi/So. Cal.-54

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[Guest guest]

AAAAAUuRRUUGGHHHH Debra, don't you just HATE that!!!!!!!! I do!!!!! Oh moan

I am soo sorry!!!!!!

Hugs to you!

~jennie

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[Guest guest]

Thanks Jennie.

love,

Debra V.

jenniesattic@... wrote:

AAAAAUuRRUUGGHHHH Debra, don't you just HATE that!!!!!!!! I do!!!!! Oh

moan

I am soo sorry!!!!!!

Hugs to you!

~jennie

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[Guest guest]

((((((Debra V.)))))))))

I know you don't want sympathy, but we have to give you some. I don't know what

else to say. It is difficult to listen to someone complain about their " bout of

the flu " or cold or whatever, that they know will pass. But for them, they are

suffering from what they normally are, so they complain.

I wish I could wave a wand over your husband's brain, to make him see you and

all you go through. That was really rotten for him to say you are a terrible

mother. You know you're not. You do the best you can. Do you live too close

for school buses? I wonder if there would be some sort of free taxi service

that you might qualify for given yours and your husband's health problems. I

hope today has been a bit better for you.

Jeanne in WI

THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND.. a few tears

I am so upset right now. Yesterday was a hard day in that I was depressed all

day. No new reason why. Just in general.

My boss was at work and she was complaining of this " virus " that she has and

how she " hurts " all over, and how " It just has to run its course " .... She or

nobody else ever asks me how I am or offers any kind of encouragement on my

worst days. I just look like $#_t everyday so they think that is just to be

expected from me. I wanted so bad to say.... " well, you know, imagine feeling two

or three times what you feel now and knowing it won't ever run its

course " ......... I know I should not be that way. But from what I suffer

everyday in silence...... I get pissed when someone complains about their

" virus " . Selfish????????

No, I just wish they knew what goes on in my body.

Then to top it off, this morning the d/h decided not to take the kids to

school... because it was my day off. Oh, I should have been able to spring up

out of bed and just go like everyone else and get the kids ready and take them

to school. I could not. So they stayed home. So he said " some mother you

are " ..... Like that makes me feel any better. As if I am just a lazy B_ _tch. I

just worked 4 days in a row which is harder for me than normal people with a

" virus " . NO ONE BELIEVES ME AND I AM SO TIRED OF IT. Sometimes I ask the selfish

question of " Is life worth living this way " ? I don't want sympathy,,,, just for

someone to understand in my daily life. It hurts all the way around.

love,

Debra V

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Thanks Jeanne. I think he knows what he said was wrong. He may not admit it.

But he was having a really bad morning too I guess. My daughter actually does

not live far from school... just a couple of blocks. You would think one of us

could have gotten HER there. It was just more than I could take though. I

guess I should have taken her late. Now my son is just 5 and goes to

kindergarten at a school about 3 miles away or so. He has to be walked to class

naturally. I could not muster up the energy to get him ready and take him to

class. It sounds awful... but true.

Well, maybe things will get better.

thanks for writing,

love,

Debra V.

Dave and Jeanne wrote:

((((((Debra V.)))))))))

I know you don't want sympathy, but we have to give you some. I don't know what

else to say. It is difficult to listen to someone complain about their " bout of

the flu " or cold or whatever, that they know will pass. But for them, they are

suffering from what they normally are, so they complain.

I wish I could wave a wand over your husband's brain, to make him see you and

all you go through. That was really rotten for him to say you are a terrible

mother. You know you're not. You do the best you can. Do you live too close for

school buses? I wonder if there would be some sort of free taxi service that you

might qualify for given yours and your husband's health problems. I hope today

has been a bit better for you.

Jeanne in WI

THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND.. a few tears

I am so upset right now. Yesterday was a hard day in that I was depressed all

day. No new reason why. Just in general.

My boss was at work and she was complaining of this " virus " that she has and how

she " hurts " all over, and how " It just has to run its course " .... She or nobody

else ever asks me how I am or offers any kind of encouragement on my worst days.

I just look like $#_t everyday so they think that is just to be expected from

me. I wanted so bad to say.... " well, you know, imagine feeling two or three

times what you feel now and knowing it won't ever run its course " ......... I

know I should not be that way. But from what I suffer everyday in silence......

I get pissed when someone complains about their " virus " . Selfish????????

No, I just wish they knew what goes on in my body.

Then to top it off, this morning the d/h decided not to take the kids to

school... because it was my day off. Oh, I should have been able to spring up

out of bed and just go like everyone else and get the kids ready and take them

to school. I could not. So they stayed home. So he said " some mother you

are " ..... Like that makes me feel any better. As if I am just a lazy B_ _tch. I

just worked 4 days in a row which is harder for me than normal people with a

" virus " . NO ONE BELIEVES ME AND I AM SO TIRED OF IT. Sometimes I ask the selfish

question of " Is life worth living this way " ? I don't want sympathy,,,, just for

someone to understand in my daily life. It hurts all the way around.

love,

Debra V

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Debra V.,

I do understand how you feel...because when I hear others complaining about

being sick, I also want to tell them to imagine what I must be feeling everyday.

And, I really do want to tell them that at least their illness will " run its

course " and then they will be well again --but I won't.

You know, getting the kids to school would have been the same with me. I

barely can move after working a 12 hour day (my Mondays). Tuesday is absolutely

horrible. I don't have kids or a husband. It is just me. But, if I did and it

was up to me to get them to school on Tuesday, they would probably miss just

about every Tuesday.

I am so glad that we have each other here. Because we do understand each

other. I ended a relationship about 2 years ago. Next Sunday marks the 2 year

anniversary of my singleness. He didn't understand how sick I was and blamed me

for the illness. He actually said that my illness was like this: It's like you

have a big bleeding hole in your foot and you are holding the gun. He then went

on to say that he had no sympathy or would even acknowledge that I was ill

because I was bringing it on myself. UGH!!! Thankfully, my parents both

realize that I am sick. I went from working 60 - 70 hour weeks and hitting the

gym 6 days a week, plus attending church on Sun. morn/Sun night/Wed. Night and

taking part in different groups there, plus having a social life to: holding

down a full time job and doing only those things that must be done outside of

work. I don't even feel like grocery shopping or cleaning my house. I make it

to Sun. Morning services at church when I

feel like I can get up and move. Most of my friends have abandoned me --they

either think I am faking or just don't understand. I have one long time friend

who does understand and makes it a point to keep in touch by phoning 2 or 3

times a week...and making sure to invite me to events on a regular basis.

Without her, I dont know what I'd do.

Barb

---------------------------------

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