Re: men or children may not want to read this

[Guest guest]

,

Thanks! I sure hope power doesn't go out Thursday afternoon! I have pelvic ultrasound first and then the "clamps" test.

Hoping for Pain Free Days!Sandi

[Guest guest]

ROFLMAO! No Jury with a woman on it would convict her!!

My MIL went in to have one, and she told the tech doing it that you have to HAVE some to be able to stuff something in one of those machines first! lmao

(my MIL is flat as a board!)

Tonia

-------Original Message-------

You guys or children may not want to read this. Of course, you guys could read it and see what you're missing out on by not being a woman!! The end is hilarious!

Love,

N.

If you are a woman, especially with a bit of years behind you, then you will probably think this is one of the funniest stories you have ever read, unless, that is, you have read this before!ENJOY!!I know my memory's fading. I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I chose a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room. Both the chairs and conversations were so comfortable that before long I'd totally forgotten why I was there and asked the man. "So...what are you here for?"Talk about a showstopper.Dead silence just as "Nurse Ratchet" announced my name in her best baritone voice. I thought, "Great..a name to match the idiot." I rushed past the giggles and hurried after the angel of no mercy.Rounding the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you t! o do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"I'm thinking, "Belinda...try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defie! d gravity when we heard, then felt, zap! Complete darkness. "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag."Belinda headed for the door."Excuse me! You're not leaving are you?" I shouted.Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy....the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt back."Before I could shout "NO" she disappeared.And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of me dangling from the Jaws of Life.After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible. "Uh, yes...yes we did, thanks.""You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...

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[Guest guest]

she told the tech doing it that you have to HAVE some to be able to stuff something in one of those machines first!

Have to agree with that one, Tonia! Actually, when I had a breast biopsy done back in 1989, it was a mass so they had to use the mammogram machine to locate it so the doctor would know where to go. They would get me under the machine, stick needles around the area, go make sure it was showing, come back, do the same. A guy was sitting there watching my face to make sure I wasn't going to pass out or something. That was real thrilling! I liked your list. Do you have it taped on your bathroom door?

Love,

N.

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[Guest guest]

,

That is so hilarious! I know I would of done the same thing LOL.

Lin

[Guest guest]

ROFLMAO! No Jury with a woman on it would convict her!!

Especially if it was a jury of all women. I have felt like doing that to them anyway espically the real cheery ones LOL.

Lin