Re: Gemello responds to Colleen's reaction

[Guest guest]

Gemello

sounds like you were able to identify the the things that triggered over eating, i am sorry those things happened to you, i think that kind of stuff happens to more people than we realize as people relate things later in life ......................... we dont always know what to do as kids but kids do know what is right and what is wrong and what they are comfortable with and what they arent comfortable with, but kids dont often have the skills to go beyond the fear or shame to explain it...............................I think when i was a kid with my problems i wanted to protect my parents from finding out,and you dont know in grade school how it will end up in highschool, in highschool i ended up in the popular crowd and had tons of people to do things with.....................where as in grammer school it was not like that

i am still searching for the answers but i am not sure when i am going to find them

hope your feeling ok from your surgery, my husband broke his foot and they gave him some vicodin i have to pick it up tomorrow and he gets whacky when he takes it lol

glad that you are home

colleengemellodigiovanni wrote:

Colleen:Wow! You really touched on something important in your post. And you reminded me of the same issue that Dr. Gity brought up to me: "one of the things dr stiles told me was to really figure out how i got to be the weight that i am i am still not sure of where or how it all started............she said when i found that answer it would be the key so to speak to keep the weight off to learn what that was and avoid and fix that problem. I am not sure that i have figured it out yet and i wonder what other people came up with"This is SO incredibly true. My big issue is boundaries. As a child, many of my personal boundaries were violated: sexual and otherwise. I was a meek and sensitive child and people took advantage of that, and as more and more of my boundaries were violated, I turned to food to comfort and

medicate myself. In school I was bullied. A neighborhood woman (a friend of my Mother's) kept me locked in her house (every afternoon after school for about a year) to be the playmate of her daughter against my will. She encouraged her daughter to expose herself to me, and the horror of that situation makes me ill to this day. While her daughter exposed herself to me and forced me to touch her, this woman masturbated (I didn't know what she was doing at the time, but now, as an adult, I recognize her sick behavior). I only recently told my Mother about this abuse. She had no idea that it went on. I never said a word about it.Add on top of this the growing realization that I was gay. The pain of it all became too much, and in my senior year of high school, I attempted suicide. This suicide attempt came after I had lost a great deal of weight, and I had found that I was not suddenly happy, that life wasn't perfect once the

weight was gone. I was still gay, and I was still bullied at school. I had a few friends. The outcast misfits we were. The "brains" we were called. And in spite of the weight loss, I was still me, someone I did not love. In fact, life became more difficult because my best friend and source of comfort--food--was gone!As I entered this journey, I knew that I would need to face these demons. I needed something radically different. And here is one key to my success: support groups and my Kaiser "entourage." In support groups (particularly the one led by Dr. Gity at SSF Kaiser) I learned that I was not alone. I also learned techniques to relax and visualize successful outcomes. I found out that I needed to change my inner dialogue from self-defeating language to self-encouragement. I needed to re-direct the love that flowed outward so freely to others; I needed to turn that love toward myself. I needed to tell myself that I

deserved to be loved. At first, I didn't believe what I was saying to myself, but I continued saying it anyway until I believed.My nutritionist gave me the name of a book that literally changed my life: "Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin" by Anne , M.A. A bell went off in my head when I read it. The book gave me permission to take care of ME. I saw the connection between my food issues and boundary violations. I began to build my boundaries as a PRE-OP so that they would be in place by the time I got to goal weight. It has been incredibly difficult, scary work, but the reward has been a new life, a new perspective.The realization that I made was this: the past violations of my personal boundaries do not have to continue playing over and over in my mind. Yes, those horrific things happened to me as a child, but I am no longer there. I gave myself permission to live in the present. I no longer need a

"boundary" of fat to protect me from those painful memories. The boundaries that I have reside in me, in my heart, in my core being. I don't need a shield of fat to feel safe. The love I now direct inward comforts me. I nourish that helpless little Gemello with acceptance and love, not with massive quantities of food. And the helpless little Gemello now experiences joy after joy in a new body that he deserves. He joyfully raises his voice in song at a church where he is accepted and loved. His spirit soars as he dances with his square dancing group. He feels his wings spread and takes flight as he runs faster and faster on the treadmill. He feels stronger and stronger each day as he lifts weights to build muscles.I made a promise to my inner child, my little Gemello: I will never give up on you again. I may make mistakes along the way, but I will always do my best to care for you in the way you deserve.So Colleen, I

encourage you to keep searching your heart for the answer to the question of what caused you to gain weight and keep the weight on. Now that I know what my issue is, food no longer has the power it once had over me. Food is not acceptance. Food is not hope. Food is not love.Acceptance, hope and love come from my heart. I direct them inward to me, and the miraculous thing is that once directed inward, they multiply outward tenfold. These beams of love have drawn other like-minded (like-hearted) people to me and me to them, so that I am no longer alone. I have connections with people and groups like never before. At last there are places in the world--my support communities, WLS related and not--where I feel my heart embraced, held, accepted and loved.I know that feeling will sustain my maintenance efforts for the rest of my life, because at last, I know that I'm worth the effort. And so are you.Wow... that

was a longer post that I expected. Must be the Vicodin talking. He he he.Gemello-153 lbs / at goalback home from reconstruction II> Gemello and the group> > thanks for the links to the carnie wilson video diarys, i feel like i should send that one to a few of my family members that seem skeptical..................... ***edited post***

[Guest guest]

Gemello

sounds like you were able to identify the the things that triggered over eating, i am sorry those things happened to you, i think that kind of stuff happens to more people than we realize as people relate things later in life ......................... we dont always know what to do as kids but kids do know what is right and what is wrong and what they are comfortable with and what they arent comfortable with, but kids dont often have the skills to go beyond the fear or shame to explain it...............................I think when i was a kid with my problems i wanted to protect my parents from finding out,and you dont know in grade school how it will end up in highschool, in highschool i ended up in the popular crowd and had tons of people to do things with.....................where as in grammer school it was not like that

i am still searching for the answers but i am not sure when i am going to find them

hope your feeling ok from your surgery, my husband broke his foot and they gave him some vicodin i have to pick it up tomorrow and he gets whacky when he takes it lol

glad that you are home

colleengemellodigiovanni wrote:

Colleen:Wow! You really touched on something important in your post. And you reminded me of the same issue that Dr. Gity brought up to me: "one of the things dr stiles told me was to really figure out how i got to be the weight that i am i am still not sure of where or how it all started............she said when i found that answer it would be the key so to speak to keep the weight off to learn what that was and avoid and fix that problem. I am not sure that i have figured it out yet and i wonder what other people came up with"This is SO incredibly true. My big issue is boundaries. As a child, many of my personal boundaries were violated: sexual and otherwise. I was a meek and sensitive child and people took advantage of that, and as more and more of my boundaries were violated, I turned to food to comfort and

medicate myself. In school I was bullied. A neighborhood woman (a friend of my Mother's) kept me locked in her house (every afternoon after school for about a year) to be the playmate of her daughter against my will. She encouraged her daughter to expose herself to me, and the horror of that situation makes me ill to this day. While her daughter exposed herself to me and forced me to touch her, this woman masturbated (I didn't know what she was doing at the time, but now, as an adult, I recognize her sick behavior). I only recently told my Mother about this abuse. She had no idea that it went on. I never said a word about it.Add on top of this the growing realization that I was gay. The pain of it all became too much, and in my senior year of high school, I attempted suicide. This suicide attempt came after I had lost a great deal of weight, and I had found that I was not suddenly happy, that life wasn't perfect once the

weight was gone. I was still gay, and I was still bullied at school. I had a few friends. The outcast misfits we were. The "brains" we were called. And in spite of the weight loss, I was still me, someone I did not love. In fact, life became more difficult because my best friend and source of comfort--food--was gone!As I entered this journey, I knew that I would need to face these demons. I needed something radically different. And here is one key to my success: support groups and my Kaiser "entourage." In support groups (particularly the one led by Dr. Gity at SSF Kaiser) I learned that I was not alone. I also learned techniques to relax and visualize successful outcomes. I found out that I needed to change my inner dialogue from self-defeating language to self-encouragement. I needed to re-direct the love that flowed outward so freely to others; I needed to turn that love toward myself. I needed to tell myself that I

deserved to be loved. At first, I didn't believe what I was saying to myself, but I continued saying it anyway until I believed.My nutritionist gave me the name of a book that literally changed my life: "Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin" by Anne , M.A. A bell went off in my head when I read it. The book gave me permission to take care of ME. I saw the connection between my food issues and boundary violations. I began to build my boundaries as a PRE-OP so that they would be in place by the time I got to goal weight. It has been incredibly difficult, scary work, but the reward has been a new life, a new perspective.The realization that I made was this: the past violations of my personal boundaries do not have to continue playing over and over in my mind. Yes, those horrific things happened to me as a child, but I am no longer there. I gave myself permission to live in the present. I no longer need a

"boundary" of fat to protect me from those painful memories. The boundaries that I have reside in me, in my heart, in my core being. I don't need a shield of fat to feel safe. The love I now direct inward comforts me. I nourish that helpless little Gemello with acceptance and love, not with massive quantities of food. And the helpless little Gemello now experiences joy after joy in a new body that he deserves. He joyfully raises his voice in song at a church where he is accepted and loved. His spirit soars as he dances with his square dancing group. He feels his wings spread and takes flight as he runs faster and faster on the treadmill. He feels stronger and stronger each day as he lifts weights to build muscles.I made a promise to my inner child, my little Gemello: I will never give up on you again. I may make mistakes along the way, but I will always do my best to care for you in the way you deserve.So Colleen, I

encourage you to keep searching your heart for the answer to the question of what caused you to gain weight and keep the weight on. Now that I know what my issue is, food no longer has the power it once had over me. Food is not acceptance. Food is not hope. Food is not love.Acceptance, hope and love come from my heart. I direct them inward to me, and the miraculous thing is that once directed inward, they multiply outward tenfold. These beams of love have drawn other like-minded (like-hearted) people to me and me to them, so that I am no longer alone. I have connections with people and groups like never before. At last there are places in the world--my support communities, WLS related and not--where I feel my heart embraced, held, accepted and loved.I know that feeling will sustain my maintenance efforts for the rest of my life, because at last, I know that I'm worth the effort. And so are you.Wow... that

was a longer post that I expected. Must be the Vicodin talking. He he he.Gemello-153 lbs / at goalback home from reconstruction II> Gemello and the group> > thanks for the links to the carnie wilson video diarys, i feel like i should send that one to a few of my family members that seem skeptical..................... ***edited post***

[Guest guest]

Thanks Colleen:

Hope you're hubby gets better soon. I'm a little loopy on vicodin

myself right now. He he he.

You know, you don't need to find the answers right away. That's the

great thing about this journey. Just when you didn't expect it, you

get some insight and you say, " Ah ha! "

Keep up with support and sometime, somewhere someone will say

something and you'll say, " OMG, that's me too! "

Gemello

> > Gemello and the group

> >

> > thanks for the links to the carnie wilson video diarys, i feel

like

> i should send that one to a few of my family members that seem

> skeptical..................... ***edited post***

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>