The Mother Thing

[Guest guest]

Interesting

commonality...I have a brother too, and he receives “all” of Mom’s

love and attention. Funny how that’s a common factor for some of

us. Brother gets it all – we get (or got) none.

Another commonality I

noticed....my parents telling me I was overreacting, or interpreting things

incorrectly.....like their mis-care of me wasn’t their fault, but the way

I perceived things. Another thing “wrong” with me!

They were (are) so

defensive and refuse to take any blame in any situation....always casting it

off on someone/something else.

Two things: Not

forgiving someone...or holding onto resentment/anger....is like taking poison

and hoping someone else will die.

These toxic feelings

only hurt US, not the other person.

Next: We might

need to grieve for the type of mother/childhood we “wish” we would

have had. Or that we deserved. Nothing we can do now (eating, not

eating, etc.) will bring back a good childhood or a loving mother.

For me, I learned to

eat as a child, or overeat as a child....to receive self-love, b/c I wasn’t

getting it from my parents. And I overate for comfort....and

attention....and nurturing....all things that were missing from my life, due to

self-absorbed, workaholic, clinically depressed parents, who probably would

have preferred to have not had children.

That was the only way

a 6-year or even 12-year old knew to take care of herself.

But a 40-year old now

knows better, and has lots more in her “self care” arsenal.

Food is just a habit. And that habit can be broken. I can ‘self-care’

in other ways.

And really.....food is

no longer a ‘self-care’.....but a ‘self-damage’......

When I start seeing it

that way.....and not as a rebellion against my mom (you can’t make me do

that....or watch me, I’ll eat whatever I want)....then I can make some

real progress.....

My best to you all,

Jolene

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It is only with the

heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is

invisible to the eye.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince)