CONFESSION - Fell Off the Wagon (sort of long)

[Guest guest]

I heard that confession is good for the soul so here goes. Last

Saturday, after I got back from my weight loss support group meeting,

my neighbor informed me that he and his wife were separated and

getting a divorce. When he told me, I could do nothing but cry. I

could not understand how this could be happening. I really took it

personal because we spend a lot of time with this couple. We have

dinner parties and then they do the next one, that sort of thing. He

told me that he was alright with it now and that I needed to be

alright with it and that he was going to be okay. You see, he is

from Germany but his wife is from here. They just came back after

being in Germany for four years. They have been here for almost two

years come February. They have gone to counseling and the counselor

informed them that at this point in their life, they are not right

for each other. I spoke with her and she informed me that a year and

a half ago when she was standing there taking her vows, she knew she

did not love him anymore and that she was not attracted to him but

they were best friends and she thought that was a stable enough

foundation to make it work. They had been going together for eight

years. She told me that someone had to throw in the towel and since

he would not (he loves her to death), then she had to. Neither

cheated on the other, but she said that she was not happy with him

and that it is important to be happy and to take care of herself.

She said she know it is selfish. She said that she went ahead with

the wedding because she was afraid of what people would think of her

and that they had spent so much money on the wedding. I understand

about being happy and if there is nothing there, then it is time to

take the walk.

In any event, I went home with tears running down my face taking

personal responsibility for their divorce situation. Me and my

husband have been together for 17 years but only married for 15. I

could not help but wonder if at that time (because I did not know the

full details of the whys) if something me and my husband had done to

make them want to depart from one another. Did we look so unhappy

that divorce was the best option. Was it that we was so boring and

common that the idea of being married was so dreadful. In the midst

of just trying to figure out what could have happened to make someone

want to walk away from a relationship were there was no foul play, I

ended up sitting on the couch crying, wondering while cramming my

face with potato chips (reduced fat-as if that made a whole lot of

difference). I feel like this was certainly a test because I don't

usually have potato chips in my house but there they were. My

husband had bought them thinking I had been so good and that I might

want a little treat during this holiday season since I had been doing

so good. Well, mainly he bought them for himself but got that kind

to share just in case. He thought the reduced fat was not as bad as

the normal ones. Nonetheless, I eat half the bag. When I got

through my frenzy and realized what I had just done, I cried the

more. I had just realized that what I was doing was emotional

eating. It did not make me feel better at all. What I learned from

this is that when I am hit with a hard blow, the best thing is to not

go toward the kitchen. I also learned that my relationship with my

husband has nothing to do with the relationship of others. That

divorce situation is not my mountain to climb so I stepped off and

just walked away. Robynn is a great person and she basically told me

the same thing. Thanks Robynn for listening and not chastising me

about the potato chip binge. Getting through the weekend was so

hard. I cried all weekend and could not sleep. I really had a hard

time focusing on Monday. It really felt like it was my life. So, I

am better today and I have accepted the fact that, that is their life

and I love them both regardless of where they end up.

Boy do I feel good since I got that off my chest. My husband

apologized about the chips and said he would not bring stuff like

that in the house again. I told him that was okay that just because

I am on this journey does not mean that he and the boys are suppose

to not have the things that they enjoy because I should not consume

them. That is why I love him so much because he supports me and he

sees where I am trying to get and his walking with me. I love

everything about my husband, our life together, our marriage and I

suppose when you have had it good for so long, you just want that for

everyone else. Sometimes, the when the chips have fallen, they just

don't land the same way all the time (I am not even sure what that

means, but some how, I think you all will understand what I am trying

to say).

Thanks for listening.