Re: CONFESSION - Fell Off the Wagon (sort of long)

[Guest guest]

Im so sorry to hear about what you are going through. But Robynn was

right, you need to let other people deal with their issues and not

take them on. I do that alot too so its easy to say hard to do. Dont

beat yourself up either.

you care about others and it shows....take care of yourself.

Huggles

>

> I heard that confession is good for the soul so here goes. Last

> Saturday, after I got back from my weight loss support group

meeting,

> my neighbor informed me that he and his wife were separated and

> getting a divorce. When he told me, I could do nothing but cry.

I

> could not understand how this could be happening. I really took

it

> personal because we spend a lot of time with this couple. We have

> dinner parties and then they do the next one, that sort of thing.

He

> told me that he was alright with it now and that I needed to be

> alright with it and that he was going to be okay. You see, he is

> from Germany but his wife is from here. They just came back after

> being in Germany for four years. They have been here for almost

two

> years come February. They have gone to counseling and the

counselor

> informed them that at this point in their life, they are not right

> for each other. I spoke with her and she informed me that a year

and

> a half ago when she was standing there taking her vows, she knew

she

> did not love him anymore and that she was not attracted to him but

> they were best friends and she thought that was a stable enough

> foundation to make it work. They had been going together for

eight

> years. She told me that someone had to throw in the towel and

since

> he would not (he loves her to death), then she had to. Neither

> cheated on the other, but she said that she was not happy with him

> and that it is important to be happy and to take care of herself.

> She said she know it is selfish. She said that she went ahead

with

> the wedding because she was afraid of what people would think of

her

> and that they had spent so much money on the wedding. I

understand

> about being happy and if there is nothing there, then it is time

to

> take the walk.

>

> In any event, I went home with tears running down my face taking

> personal responsibility for their divorce situation. Me and my

> husband have been together for 17 years but only married for 15.

I

> could not help but wonder if at that time (because I did not know

the

> full details of the whys) if something me and my husband had done

to

> make them want to depart from one another. Did we look so unhappy

> that divorce was the best option. Was it that we was so boring

and

> common that the idea of being married was so dreadful. In the

midst

> of just trying to figure out what could have happened to make

someone

> want to walk away from a relationship were there was no foul play,

I

> ended up sitting on the couch crying, wondering while cramming my

> face with potato chips (reduced fat-as if that made a whole lot of

> difference). I feel like this was certainly a test because I

don't

> usually have potato chips in my house but there they were. My

> husband had bought them thinking I had been so good and that I

might

> want a little treat during this holiday season since I had been

doing

> so good. Well, mainly he bought them for himself but got that

kind

> to share just in case. He thought the reduced fat was not as bad

as

> the normal ones. Nonetheless, I eat half the bag. When I got

> through my frenzy and realized what I had just done, I cried the

> more. I had just realized that what I was doing was emotional

> eating. It did not make me feel better at all. What I learned

from

> this is that when I am hit with a hard blow, the best thing is to

not

> go toward the kitchen. I also learned that my relationship with

my

> husband has nothing to do with the relationship of others. That

> divorce situation is not my mountain to climb so I stepped off and

> just walked away. Robynn is a great person and she basically told

me

> the same thing. Thanks Robynn for listening and not chastising me

> about the potato chip binge. Getting through the weekend was so

> hard. I cried all weekend and could not sleep. I really had a

hard

> time focusing on Monday. It really felt like it was my life. So,

I

> am better today and I have accepted the fact that, that is their

life

> and I love them both regardless of where they end up.

>

> Boy do I feel good since I got that off my chest. My husband

> apologized about the chips and said he would not bring stuff like

> that in the house again. I told him that was okay that just

because

> I am on this journey does not mean that he and the boys are

suppose

> to not have the things that they enjoy because I should not

consume

> them. That is why I love him so much because he supports me and

he

> sees where I am trying to get and his walking with me. I love

> everything about my husband, our life together, our marriage and I

> suppose when you have had it good for so long, you just want that

for

> everyone else. Sometimes, the when the chips have fallen, they

just

> don't land the same way all the time (I am not even sure what that

> means, but some how, I think you all will understand what I am

trying

> to say).

>

> Thanks for listening.