Fwd: August 26/27 - WEEKEND FUNNIES

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/25/00 11:54:57 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

RateJoke@... writes:

<<

HEAR TODAY . . .

----------------

Dave: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.

: Are you wearing it now?

Dave: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's top of the line.

: Wow! What kind is it?

Dave: Twelve-thirty

CHILD SUPPORT

-------------

A blond man frantically calls 911 and says, " Help...my wife has gone

into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart " .

The 911 operator asks, " is this her first child? "

To which the blond replies, " Of course not, you idiot...this is her

husband " .

THE JUDGE SHOWS NO CLASS

------------------------

In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was

brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for

driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she

was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case

so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes. " You're a schoolteacher,

eh? " he said. " Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've

waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down

at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500

times! "

>>

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JokeMaster's Note:

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The Piano Man versus The Boss. " We Didn't Start The Fire " versus

" Thunder Road. " This was the Real Life Celebrity Death Match that

got played out one Joke-of-the-Day this week. We've gotten 10,000

e-mails on the subject so far, and we can say with all confidence:

you can stop sending e-mails now! Our great grandchildren will be

sorting through them after we're dead, saying " Who were these old

men, playing guitar and piano? Were they in N'Sync? " In a contest

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SECRET, got a 4.3 rating from JOTD members.

Congratulations to today's LUCKY T-SHIRT WINNERS:

* Leonard of National City, CA

* Braun of Newman, CA

Look for your Humor Network T-Shirts in the mail!

Joke for August 26/27, 2000

WEEKEND FUNNIES

Submitted by Joke-of-the-Day members

______________________________________

HEAR TODAY . . .

----------------

Dave: I got this great new hearing aid the other day.

: Are you wearing it now?

Dave: Yup. Cost me four thousand dollars, but it's top of the line.

: Wow! What kind is it?

Dave: Twelve-thirty

CHILD SUPPORT

-------------

A blond man frantically calls 911 and says, " Help...my wife has gone

into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart " .

The 911 operator asks, " is this her first child? "

To which the blond replies, " Of course not, you idiot...this is her

husband " .

THE JUDGE SHOWS NO CLASS

------------------------

In the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was

brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for

driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she

was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case

so she could get to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes. " You're a schoolteacher,

eh? " he said. " Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've

waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down

at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500

times! "

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