zoning-out-while-bingeing

[Guest guest]

Hi s,

No need to apologize for telling how it is. I relate to your struggle and anger over bingeing. Sounds like it's a trusted, safe coping mechanism to me. That's worth something. But I think the fact that it's upsetting to you also means you're undergoing some sort of change in the way you view what's happening. That's a good thing, right?

I'm curious--does the Place where you binge contribute to your urge to binge? I discovered it's THE trigger for me.

Before I started reading IE (currently reading When Food is Love by Geneen Roth), I would take a bag of chips and settle in front of the TV, only to get up for chocolate or a bagel or cookies or whatever. Or I would stash candy bars in the drawer by my computer so they would be handy while playing online games. When I took up eating "only- at-the-table-with-no-distractions", per Roth's guidelines, however, I lost most of the urge to binge. Of course I'm still allowed to do it, but bingeing is just not fun if I'm sitting there looking at the food, doing nothing but eating. In fact, I get bored! Can you imagine? I'd rather go play a game or read. I still eat chips and chocolate whenever I want, and most of the time, I'm enjoying rediscovering the sight, aroma, taste, and texture of my meals, but...bingeing is not the same when I'm sitting undistracted at the table.

I miss and long for the zoning-out-while-bingeing phenomenon! Curiously enough, I've cut way down on TV, lol. Now I'm starting to wonder if I always combined TV with food because TV-without-food was boring. Okay, so that's a given...

Even with this awareness, I still want to give in and eat in front of the TV or in the car, two of my favorite places for snack-bingeing. But if I can eat Whatever I want Whenever I want--even if I'm not eating Wherever I want--I feel free, like something is going on in my brain for the good, even if my jeans are tighter. Hope I'm not fooling myself.

Gracie

IE-ing since 4/2/09, still in the Exploration stage

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support ; foodandfeelings > Date: Tue, 12 May 2009 13:10:00 +0200> Subject: Wanting to Binge> > I think this might be more of a rant than anything. So if you don't want> to read my whining, stop here.> > ---> > For the last days I felt a strong urge to binge. Especially after going> to bed and wathcing a bit of TV and reading a bit. The urge to binge> creeps up since DAYS.> > Wasn't resisting these urges supposed to come easier with time? You> know, when tat "emotional muscle" gets trained?> > Well, this morning this muscle is totally exhausted and after having> some disturbing thoughts this morning I gave in and had a binge.> > I feel very confused and disappointed right now.> > I feel so scared of everything right now. Looking for a job, writing my> disertation. I feel like a failure. I fear the possible rejection. Yes,> yes... completely irrational, I know... However, these feelings are> overriding me since weeks. The pressure is raising, the feeling of not> being good enough, too.> > I feel depressed, scared and can't enjoy my leisure time. Shoulds and> musts wherever I look. It's not that I knew that this pressure and> anxiety would get more and more... and yet... I acted like a fool again> and procrastinated.> > Shit> > ShitShitSHIT> > Why do I always do these things? (Or don't do the things I need to do?)> > Thanks for reading.> s.> > > ------------------------------------> >