Home for the holidays/ Giant failure rant

[Guest guest]

I apologize for the following post but I am visiting my family and the constant

diet banter, my uncontrollable eating, and my weight gain has put me at the end

of my rope.

I received new camera lenses for Christmas and have been taking a lot of

pictures and letting people take pictures of me. It is absolutely horrifying.

I had managed to lose 60 pounds two years ago and I have regained nearly 30

pounds of it. It's great to have good self esteem and feel good about yourself

and all but I don't. I am really unhappy and frustrated. I am not as pretty as

I was and although he tries not to let on, I know my boyfriend doesn't think so

either. I have failed at keeping my weight at at the level I sacrificed so much

for to obtain. He has never known the fat me and it's unfair of me to expect

him to love the fat me. Bait and switch. I hated being fat and I'm having

trouble watching my weight climb.

I've had ED problems in the past and so my doc/psych/nutritionist have told me

not to diet but I'm at the end of my rope. For the last 2 months IE has

completely not worked at all. I am still binging uncontrollably (although I'm

not restricting heavily which is good from an IE/mental health standpoint but

which means that my calorie intake is always net positive). To top it off, my

parents have been on these calorie counting diets successfully for two years and

so this whole vacation has been a constant reminder about how they're eating

" bad " food and how they will soon be back to only " salads and fiber bars " . My

boyfriend has gained weight since he has known me and wants to go on a diet. I

guess I'm going to need to eat less if I want to be happy. I do not want to

gain any more weight. I don't know what other choice I have.

Thanks for listening to me; I can't really talk to anyone around me. And if

anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

~