Re: Home for the holidays/ Giant failure rant

[Guest guest]

,

From what I reading this post. I am sorry that you are going through very

difficult time. To be honest I don't see there anything you have done wrong.

Except that this is not anywhere mistakes however, maybe you might considering

where you end up binging and why?

Could that be emotional eating habit because you are being very unhappy with

yourself and your body as if you are um hating your body? Because this is where

a lot of us here had gone through emotional eating issues which is okay. This is

something you can work on. I am just suggesting from what I am reading in this

post.

Eliza

>

> I apologize for the following post but I am visiting my family and the

constant diet banter, my uncontrollable eating, and my weight gain has put me at

the end of my rope.

>

> I received new camera lenses for Christmas and have been taking a lot of

pictures and letting people take pictures of me. It is absolutely horrifying.

I had managed to lose 60 pounds two years ago and I have regained nearly 30

pounds of it. It's great to have good self esteem and feel good about yourself

and all but I don't. I am really unhappy and frustrated. I am not as pretty as

I was and although he tries not to let on, I know my boyfriend doesn't think so

either. I have failed at keeping my weight at at the level I sacrificed so much

for to obtain. He has never known the fat me and it's unfair of me to expect

him to love the fat me. Bait and switch. I hated being fat and I'm having

trouble watching my weight climb.

>

> I've had ED problems in the past and so my doc/psych/nutritionist have told me

not to diet but I'm at the end of my rope. For the last 2 months IE has

completely not worked at all. I am still binging uncontrollably (although I'm

not restricting heavily which is good from an IE/mental health standpoint but

which means that my calorie intake is always net positive). To top it off, my

parents have been on these calorie counting diets successfully for two years and

so this whole vacation has been a constant reminder about how they're eating

" bad " food and how they will soon be back to only " salads and fiber bars " . My

boyfriend has gained weight since he has known me and wants to go on a diet. I

guess I'm going to need to eat less if I want to be happy. I do not want to

gain any more weight. I don't know what other choice I have.

>

> Thanks for listening to me; I can't really talk to anyone around me. And if

anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

> ~

>

[Guest guest]

, you are really, really, really not alone. I had a horrible picture

experience on Christmas too. o_o Very very upsetting to see those pics. Someone

here pointed out that we are our own worst critics and I agree.

BUT I want to stop you and have you think about something. You worry you're not

the person your boyfriend met b/c you've gained weight. Yet, so has he.

Meanwhile, the more you worry about how he sees you, the more he eats. I wanted

to point out to you that this has been my very cycle for years, but with my

husband. When you said " bait and switch " that's EXACTLY how I think of my

situation too even though I didn't do it on purpose! And neither did you.

But listen. You're worried about how your b/f sees you *even though he too has

gained weight*. I worry about how my DH sees me *even though he too has gained

weight* (from 205 to 245). Um. Hello?

*What makes THEIR weight gain acceptable, just a part of life, something that's

probably easily fixable, etc.* but our weight gain *none of these things...and

instead an evil " bait and switch " *?

I just think you should think about this question. And so should I. Are you so

sure it will be that easy for your BF to just drop a few pounds? If it were easy

to drop pounds here and there then NONE of us would be here on this forum. My DH

too has wanted to drop the extra " few " pounds, 40 of them. For 7 years. I mean

come on, hon. *We are all people and we are all the same*. What we are doing to

ourselves psychologically over this is unfair.

>

> I apologize for the following post but I am visiting my family and the

constant diet banter, my uncontrollable eating, and my weight gain has put me at

the end of my rope.

>

> I received new camera lenses for Christmas and have been taking a lot of

pictures and letting people take pictures of me. It is absolutely horrifying.

I had managed to lose 60 pounds two years ago and I have regained nearly 30

pounds of it. It's great to have good self esteem and feel good about yourself

and all but I don't. I am really unhappy and frustrated. I am not as pretty as

I was and although he tries not to let on, I know my boyfriend doesn't think so

either. I have failed at keeping my weight at at the level I sacrificed so much

for to obtain. He has never known the fat me and it's unfair of me to expect

him to love the fat me. Bait and switch. I hated being fat and I'm having

trouble watching my weight climb.

>

> I've had ED problems in the past and so my doc/psych/nutritionist have told me

not to diet but I'm at the end of my rope. For the last 2 months IE has

completely not worked at all. I am still binging uncontrollably (although I'm

not restricting heavily which is good from an IE/mental health standpoint but

which means that my calorie intake is always net positive). To top it off, my

parents have been on these calorie counting diets successfully for two years and

so this whole vacation has been a constant reminder about how they're eating

" bad " food and how they will soon be back to only " salads and fiber bars " . My

boyfriend has gained weight since he has known me and wants to go on a diet. I

guess I'm going to need to eat less if I want to be happy. I do not want to

gain any more weight. I don't know what other choice I have.

>

> Thanks for listening to me; I can't really talk to anyone around me. And if

anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

> ~

>

[Guest guest]

Oops, that should have read " ...the more YOU eat, " not " the more he eats " . Wish

there were an edit feature.

[Guest guest]

Hi : I'm sorry that you believe that IE has completely not worked at all

for the past 2 months. I'm also sad that you feel desperate enough to judge

yourself in 'all or nothing' extreme terms ('I'm a failure'). I struggled with

'out of control' bingeing for many years. I even believed I had an 'eating

disorder' until I realized that label did nothing to help me change my eating

habits. So I began to describe my habits as 'disordered eating', while I worked

to changed my habits to 'normal eating'.

Now I realize that my disordered thinking and attitudes about eating and my body

influenced my eating habits. However, I experienced many slips and relapses

before I changed my thinking enough to change my eating habits. I only

completely eliminated bingeing this past year, after practicing IE for 7 years.

I suspect I had to practice IE or normal eating habits about 1/4 as many years

as I practiced disordered eating habits.

I wonder, what does IE mean to you? Some people embrace the 'eat anything you

want' part of IE, but they ignore the 'eat when you are hungry' and 'stop when

you are full' principles which put boundaries on how much you eat. IE is more

than not dieting. IE is letting your body tell you when (you're hungry), how

much (until you're moderately full) and what (feels good in your body) to eat.

I don't want to suggest that you always obey your hunger/fullness eating cues,

rather than legalize food. That might keep you bingeing for longer than

necessary (as I experienced). However, keep in mind that anything that helps

people lose weight has boundaries or limits. Even though we can eat anything we

want (hopefully foods that feel good in our bodies), we are limited by our

hunger and fullness cues.

IMO eating when we are moderately hungry and stopping when we are comfortably

full FEELS better than starving and/or stuffing. So I consider IE the

'comfortable eating' approach. I don't let myself get too hungry or too full. I

also try to choose foods that really feel good in my body, rather than just

taste good in my mouth, but make me hungrier soon or cause digestive distress.

Above all, remember that you need time to change years of unhelpful eating

habits ... time, patience and grace to forgive your 'slips' and learn from each

experience.

SUE

>

> I apologize for the following post but I am visiting my family and the

constant diet banter, my uncontrollable eating, and my weight gain has put me at

the end of my rope.

>

> I received new camera lenses for Christmas and have been taking a lot of

pictures and letting people take pictures of me. It is absolutely horrifying.

I had managed to lose 60 pounds two years ago and I have regained nearly 30

pounds of it. It's great to have good self esteem and feel good about yourself

and all but I don't. I am really unhappy and frustrated. I am not as pretty as

I was and although he tries not to let on, I know my boyfriend doesn't think so

either. I have failed at keeping my weight at at the level I sacrificed so much

for to obtain. He has never known the fat me and it's unfair of me to expect

him to love the fat me. Bait and switch. I hated being fat and I'm having

trouble watching my weight climb.

>

> I've had ED problems in the past and so my doc/psych/nutritionist have told me

not to diet but I'm at the end of my rope. For the last 2 months IE has

completely not worked at all. I am still binging uncontrollably (although I'm

not restricting heavily which is good from an IE/mental health standpoint but

which means that my calorie intake is always net positive). To top it off, my

parents have been on these calorie counting diets successfully for two years and

so this whole vacation has been a constant reminder about how they're eating

" bad " food and how they will soon be back to only " salads and fiber bars " . My

boyfriend has gained weight since he has known me and wants to go on a diet. I

guess I'm going to need to eat less if I want to be happy. I do not want to

gain any more weight. I don't know what other choice I have.

>

> Thanks for listening to me; I can't really talk to anyone around me. And if

anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

> ~

>