Re: Andy Rooney

[Guest guest]

Tracie... Thanks for sharing those. They were hilarious and some are quite true...aren't they... S.tiodaat@... wrote:

Subject: Andy RooneyAndy Rooney on .Can you believe it? turned 28 this week. It seems like onlyyesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands andknees.2.Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter". 3.AndyRooney on Prisoners. (ok I think this one is perfect) Did you knowthat it costs forty thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner?Jeez, for forty thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into myhouse. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. Idon't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I thinkthey should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generateelectricity. And, if they don't want

to run, they can rest in the chairthat's hooked up to the generator.4.Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. ThenI noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under theirbreath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wivesmark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to getthat April Fresh scent out of your clothes.5.Andy Rooney on morning differences.Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused inthe morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And thewomen are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?"It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our opticnerve. 6.Andy Rooney on cripesMy wife's from the midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. Theyusewords like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripes?Theson

of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it.You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?7. Rooney on GrandmaMy grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy SeniorCitizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you?Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got thatdollar she gave you for your birthday.8. Rooney on answering machines.Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone'sanswering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it rightnow. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love."BEEP "Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of beingpositive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love."~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~The Neurosarcoidosis CommunityNS CHAT:- Has been cancelled for now.Message Archives:-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/messagesMembers Database:-Listings of locations, phone numbers, and instant messengers.http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Neurosarcoidosis/database