Re: Advice for Jeanmarie

[Guest guest]

Jeanmarie:

I am pretty quite right now and haven't been posting too much due to health

issues, but I just can't not respond to your e-mail.

I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis over almost 17 years ago. When I was

diagnosed I was 22 and just married. They told me not to have kids because

of my kidneys. I waited and when the time was right and I was in remission

(which was 8 years after the diagnosis) I had my first child. All went well

and then I tried for #2. That also went well and within 2.5 years I was a

mother of 2 boys. I thought that was it, but destiny had another thing in

store for us and gifted us with boy #3, three and a half years after my

second. So now I am a mother of a 9 year old, 6 year old and a 3 year old.

Last year my kidneys have started going crazy and I went into a major flare.

Kidney biopsy showed the highest risk of loosing kidney function and I wind

up on chemo. I have been on it since and will continue for God only knows

how long. But the prognosis is good. My creatinine level went from 3.8 at

some point to now 1.2 and is holding. I am not going anywhere soon, unless

it is a beautiful voyage around the world or some exotic, warm place.

My hubby has been with me all through this, and believe me it wasn't always

easy for him. But that is where he felt his place was, and I think if he

wanted to let go he would have found plenty of excuses. At this point I

think it is up to you, not your boyfriend, whether you can trust him. I

understand he may have emotional problems over his father's death, but that

doesn't stop loving another person. If you love someone you want to be with

them " for better or worse " . I find that so true in my 17 years of marriage.

We have fought on many occasions, I even walked out on my hubby one day to

return to him on the next day. We never curse at each other, but we do have

lots of arguments over many things. Still, we stick to each other because

there is so much love between us. Love and respect is what matters, but it

has to work both ways. Don't forget that.

Good luck, I do hope your boyfriend sees the light. I know a lady who was

diagnosed many, many years ago when they didn't have so much to offer her

and she has lost a lot of kidney function. Still, she has two sons, both

over 20, and she gave birth to them after being diagnosed with Lupus

Nephritis. Take one step at a time. You do not know what is in store for you

and cannot assume it will go one way or the other.

I need advice

> Well, I am 22 years old just about 23 and I have had a boyfriend for

> four years and we have been living together for two years. I was

> diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis in October. My boyfriend, Greg, his

> father died when he was 16. So, eleven years ago. About middle

> November I have been having signs of renal failure and it has been a

> difficult time for me. Before I started getting worse, we were

> talking about getting married in a year or two. And now he says that

> he is feeling trapped. And then he made a comment that he didn't

> want to have children because he doesn't want them to not have a

> mother. So, I am wondering if he is just dealing with what I am

> going through in his own way or if he is trying to push me away

> because he still has unresolved issues from his Dad's death. Because

> everytime we start getting close again, he gets weird around me. And

> I don't know if this is really a healthy situation for me to be in

> right now. Because what I read on the boards, your husbands seem to

> be really supportive. I guess I am just needing some advice to

> either get out of this realtionship or see if Greg comes around and

> supports me more? I hope this makes sense. I tried to make it as

> short as possible because I could go on forever with the details.

> Thanks,

> Jeanmarie

>

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