Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 I constantly have to remind my husband, " Contrary to popular belief, I am not a mind reader. Just because we have been married for 29 + years doesn't mean I can automatically read your mind. Talk to me!! " Talking about your problems is one of the most important things a couple can do. Problems and changes in lifestyles can occur with any severe illness, but because of the nature of Lupus (a person can look really well, but is internally too sick or in too much pain to cope with simple tasks), problems arise because couples " assume " what the other person is thinking. A wife may assume the husband doesn't love her anymore because he doesn't want to go on walks with her, or go shopping. She wrongly assumes that he has another agenda when he tells her, " No .. you just go I am going to just stay home. " When in reality, he is fearful he is losing his ability to do simple tasks. A husband may feel lonely because of the lack of physical sex in their relationship. He figures he is doing her a favor by not talking about his feelings. He thinks because she feels miserable most the time, if he talks to her about the problem it will make her feel worse. When in reality, she wonders why her husband is afraid to touch her anymore. Both of these attitudes are so wrong. Neither will resolve the problems. Sometimes all it takes is a half hour of talking to save a marriage of many years. Just because you cannot sleep because of the pain you are enduring, doesn't mean you cant lie down next to your spouse until they fall asleep. Just because you cannot walk long distances, doesn't mean you cant be pushed in a wheelchair to go on an evening walk. There is more than just one position in sexual relations. If your " regular " position causes pain, then experiment, change positions, talk about what hurts and more importantly, what feels good! Discussing the problems and pain involved with lupus may reveal more than a couple may realize. Jealousy, guilt, and depression will take a toll on a marriage and all can be resolved by talking about the problems and remembering .. NO ONE is to blame for the changes in a marriage caused by a severe illness. If you must blame anything .. blame Lupus. " Rion " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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