Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Hi Jeanmarie, It sounds to me like Greg has some unresolved issues he has not dealt with. My Mom always told me never get involved in a serious relationship till the one you have with yourself is healthy! Greg is bringing his unhealthy self to you who is unhealthy. You are both dealing with some really serious stuff. My advice (which is only MY advice) is to take some time apart to work on yourselves. You are sick and you need to be surrounded by people who can love and support you. Greg can't do that because he needs his own support to deal with his issues of his Dad dying. Trust me, I've been through this...........this alone is draining. Maybe you suggest a temporary time out. If you love and care about each other.....you will find your way back when the time is right. Good Luck! Love,Becky Jeanmarie wrote: Well, I am 22 years old just about 23 and I have had a boyfriend for four years and we have been living together for two years. I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis in October. My boyfriend, Greg, his father died when he was 16. So, eleven years ago. About middle November I have been having signs of renal failure and it has been a difficult time for me. Before I started getting worse, we were talking about getting married in a year or two. And now he says that he is feeling trapped. And then he made a comment that he didn't want to have children because he doesn't want them to not have a mother. So, I am wondering if he is just dealing with what I am going through in his own way or if he is trying to push me away because he still has unresolved issues from his Dad's death. Because everytime we start getting close again, he gets weird around me. And I don't know if this is really a healthy situation for me to be in right now. Because what I read on the boards, your husbands seem to be really supportive. I guess I am just needing some advice to either get out of this realtionship or see if Greg comes around and supports me more? I hope this makes sense. I tried to make it as short as possible because I could go on forever with the details. Thanks, Jeanmarie "The LUPIES Store" Come check out our store... http://www.cafepress.com/thelupies "The LUPIES Web Page" http://www.itzarion.com/lupusgroup.html "The LUPIES online photo albums!" Check out what your fellow Lupies look like... http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?username=lupies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Hi, My name is Latasha and I just joined the group. But I was reading your message and I wanted to respond. I think that before you do anything you should talk to your boyfriend and explain how you feel. Find out where his head is at. If he can not support you then I would suggest you move on. You need someone who will understand and support you through your journey. I am a firm believer in working thru problems, but not at the expense of your health. > Well, I am 22 years old just about 23 and I have had a boyfriend for > four years and we have been living together for two years. I was > diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis in October. My boyfriend, Greg, his > father died when he was 16. So, eleven years ago. About middle > November I have been having signs of renal failure and it has been a > difficult time for me. Before I started getting worse, we were > talking about getting married in a year or two. And now he says that > he is feeling trapped. And then he made a comment that he didn't > want to have children because he doesn't want them to not have a > mother. So, I am wondering if he is just dealing with what I am > going through in his own way or if he is trying to push me away > because he still has unresolved issues from his Dad's death. Because > everytime we start getting close again, he gets weird around me. And > I don't know if this is really a healthy situation for me to be in > right now. Because what I read on the boards, your husbands seem to > be really supportive. I guess I am just needing some advice to > either get out of this realtionship or see if Greg comes around and > supports me more? I hope this makes sense. I tried to make it as > short as possible because I could go on forever with the details. > Thanks, > Jeanmarie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 jeanmaire i have been married for 10 years. i was dx with lupus in 2000, my husband did not tell me he did not want me. i started getting vibe. he started staying out all night leaving me alone, slept in the spare bedroom, when i asked him to do something him to do something he would yell at me, when he made me cry he would do it but curse while he did it. we separation so many time. when i had a stroke 6/20/03. i stay in the hospital all summer, out of those 3 month he might of visited me 30 days. when i came home he stay gone half the time. he stay out for 2 weeks, leaving me alone. why he was gone his cousin wife call me she told she sheened my husband walking down the street with a young women. when he came home in a day or so i asked him about what i had heard he denied it but he could not tell me where he was those 2 weeks .i looked in his eyes and saw his heart and i knew he did not belong here any more. i am all alone now i have a aide that comes in to help me. my children is grown. my family beg me to put him out (this is my home) i stayed with him close to 3 years. what i am trying to say to you jenemaire, i can't give you advice on this and i don't think anyone can. look in his eyes that will tell you where his heart is, that what i did. i still love him very much and i forgive him, he just could not handle my illness so he fell out of love with me. i hope this help you sonny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Jeanmarie, You can very easily get opinions from group members on this subject that go an entire 360 degrees. Thing is Hon, we don't know what is best - wish we did. You can get ideas and opinions from group members, but what you decide is going to have to come from within you. I know when married couples have problems they can't seem to deal with they often times see a marriage counselor. You and Greg don't have to be married to go see a counselor. I would hope he would be willing to go. You are the important one though. You are the one with this diagnosis that as far as we know you will always have. You are 22 years old. Twenty years ago you would have been seen as terminally ill. There is no cure for Lupus, but it sure has come a long way. You are no longer seen as terminally ill. If you take care of yourself you should live hopefully a relatively normal life. For many of us, me included, it is the emotional damage Lupus does that often times hurts the most. I have been in and out of professional therapy because of it. Some group members do OK with family and group support. I just hope you are able to realize early on that your illness is much more than a physical one. I hope in some way I have been of help. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and hearing what you have to say about things. Your opinion is important here. Hugs - a (one of the moderators) I need advice Well, I am 22 years old just about 23 and I have had a boyfriend for four years and we have been living together for two years. I was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis in October. My boyfriend, Greg, his father died when he was 16. So, eleven years ago. About middle November I have been having signs of renal failure and it has been a difficult time for me. Before I started getting worse, we were talking about getting married in a year or two. And now he says that he is feeling trapped. And then he made a comment that he didn't want to have children because he doesn't want them to not have a mother. So, I am wondering if he is just dealing with what I am going through in his own way or if he is trying to push me away because he still has unresolved issues from his Dad's death. Because everytime we start getting close again, he gets weird around me. And I don't know if this is really a healthy situation for me to be in right now. Because what I read on the boards, your husbands seem to be really supportive. I guess I am just needing some advice to either get out of this realtionship or see if Greg comes around and supports me more? I hope this makes sense. I tried to make it as short as possible because I could go on forever with the details. Thanks,Jeanmarie"The LUPIES Store" Come check out our store...http://www.cafepress.com/thelupies"The LUPIES Web Page"http://www.itzarion.com/lupusgroup.html"The LUPIES online photo albums!" Check out what your fellow Lupies look like...http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?username=lupies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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