Lonely feeling when mindful eating?

[Guest guest]

Hey, everybody! I have noticed something really weird...or, I feel like I always

knew it but it was painful to face it.

I can't seem to eat without distractions--the computer, the TV.

That's nothing novel, I know, because many people do this. BUT what I've noticed

is that when I just sit down and look at the food and try to eat...I get an

incredibly lonely, horrible feeling.

I don't live alone. I have two children still in the house, and my husband. But

I even get this feeling when I'm with my kids. Granted they're both

speech-delayed so it's not a very conversational table except for me, but it

shouldn't be lonely.

Growing up, although I had a pretty rough childhood, one thing we always did was

eat together. Breakfast as a big talking giggling group; dinner as a big talking

giggling group. Could it be I'm missing that? If so, shouldn't I hate eating

altogether? Instead I turn to food constantly but in front of the computer, TV

or a book.

Just a weird observation and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way.

[Guest guest]

I remember the first time I sat and ate - just ate, no distractions. It was a

combination of ODD and boring. The chewing seemed so mechanical and it almost

felt like I was being punished in a mild way.

The purpose of mindful eating is probably to help us become aware of eating -

allowing all the body sensations to be noted as well as savoring the food too.

The bonus is that one also gets to become aware of the feelings that pop up

related to food. That can be more difficult to take in than paying attention to

how full and satisfied one is becoming.

Just 'take note' and say - hmm that is so interesting. A few people do enjoy

eating totally alone, but most do not. Just notice for now. Good job posting

about it!

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hey, everybody! I have noticed something really weird...or, I feel like I

always knew it but it was painful to face it.

>

> I can't seem to eat without distractions--the computer, the TV.

>

> That's nothing novel, I know, because many people do this. BUT what I've

noticed is that when I just sit down and look at the food and try to eat...I get

an incredibly lonely, horrible feeling.

>

> I don't live alone. I have two children still in the house, and my husband.

But I even get this feeling when I'm with my kids. Granted they're both

speech-delayed so it's not a very conversational table except for me, but it

shouldn't be lonely.

>

> Growing up, although I had a pretty rough childhood, one thing we always did

was eat together. Breakfast as a big talking giggling group; dinner as a big

talking giggling group. Could it be I'm missing that? If so, shouldn't I hate

eating altogether? Instead I turn to food constantly but in front of the

computer, TV or a book.

>

> Just a weird observation and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,I wonder if eating alone feels uncomfortable because we are not used to ever just sitting down and not doing anything? eating doesn't really use up a lot of our mental energy, so it leaves us time to think, and be with our emotions... maybe it's being with the emotions that we try to push away that's uncomfortable? we're so used to being so incredibly busy... 

i used to always do something else while i ate and it was hard for a couple of weeks when i stopped but now i dont mind just eating and not doing anything else. it actually gives me the opportunity to really taste and savor my food.... i enjoy it now. 

abby

 

I remember the first time I sat and ate - just ate, no distractions. It was a combination of ODD and boring. The chewing seemed so mechanical and it almost felt like I was being punished in a mild way.

The purpose of mindful eating is probably to help us become aware of eating - allowing all the body sensations to be noted as well as savoring the food too. The bonus is that one also gets to become aware of the feelings that pop up related to food. That can be more difficult to take in than paying attention to how full and satisfied one is becoming.

Just 'take note' and say - hmm that is so interesting. A few people do enjoy eating totally alone, but most do not. Just notice for now. Good job posting about it!

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hey, everybody! I have noticed something really weird...or, I feel like I always knew it but it was painful to face it.

>

> I can't seem to eat without distractions--the computer, the TV.

>

> That's nothing novel, I know, because many people do this. BUT what I've noticed is that when I just sit down and look at the food and try to eat...I get an incredibly lonely, horrible feeling.

>

> I don't live alone. I have two children still in the house, and my husband. But I even get this feeling when I'm with my kids. Granted they're both speech-delayed so it's not a very conversational table except for me, but it shouldn't be lonely.

>

> Growing up, although I had a pretty rough childhood, one thing we always did was eat together. Breakfast as a big talking giggling group; dinner as a big talking giggling group. Could it be I'm missing that? If so, shouldn't I hate eating altogether? Instead I turn to food constantly but in front of the computer, TV or a book.

>

> Just a weird observation and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way.

>

[Guest guest]

There have been many discussion on this in the past. Yes, I definately know

what you are talking about. Eating with no book, TV, Comptuter etc. is lonely

and boring to me. I decided a long time ago not to force this on myself as it

felt like a punishment.

It took some practice and about a year, but I am know able to read or watch TV

and still stay mindful. The key for me is to take a deep breath before I start

and have a moment of gratitude for the food I'm about to eat. Every so often I

will stop and just check in with myself. And I don't usually find myself over

eating or eating mindlessly by doing this. I think the key here is to find what

works for you and that is what I love about IE is that we are able to find what

works for us individually.

Alana

>

> Hey, everybody! I have noticed something really weird...or, I feel like I

always knew it but it was painful to face it.

>

> I can't seem to eat without distractions--the computer, the TV.

>

> That's nothing novel, I know, because many people do this. BUT what I've

noticed is that when I just sit down and look at the food and try to eat...I get

an incredibly lonely, horrible feeling.

>

> I don't live alone. I have two children still in the house, and my husband.

But I even get this feeling when I'm with my kids. Granted they're both

speech-delayed so it's not a very conversational table except for me, but it

shouldn't be lonely.

>

> Growing up, although I had a pretty rough childhood, one thing we always did

was eat together. Breakfast as a big talking giggling group; dinner as a big

talking giggling group. Could it be I'm missing that? If so, shouldn't I hate

eating altogether? Instead I turn to food constantly but in front of the

computer, TV or a book.

>

> Just a weird observation and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Alana,

I'm with you; I found I really do not like eating without reading. I don't mind not watching t.v., but it's just pleasurable for me to eat and read. So what I do is pay attention to the bite of food, and then read a bit and then put my attention back on the food. It seems to work most of the time. Sometimes, though, if it's a previously forbidden food that I haven't had in a very, very long time, I will only eat and nothing else because I know I have to be super mindful and in tune with the taste of the food or else I will not want to respect my full signals.

It's great, as you say, that we can be flexible with IE; it's a freedom that it is not a diet!!

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, December 24, 2009 2:55:49 PMSubject: Re: "Lonely" feeling when mindful eating?

There have been many discussion on this in the past. Yes, I definately know what you are talking about. Eating with no book, TV, Comptuter etc. is lonely and boring to me. I decided a long time ago not to force this on myself as it felt like a punishment. It took some practice and about a year, but I am know able to read or watch TV and still stay mindful. The key for me is to take a deep breath before I start and have a moment of gratitude for the food I'm about to eat. Every so often I will stop and just check in with myself. And I don't usually find myself over eating or eating mindlessly by doing this. I think the key here is to find what works for you and that is what I love about IE is that we are able to find what works for us individually.Alana

[Guest guest]

I admit this is sort of hard on me sometimes. Because I usual just focus on TV

while eating. Though since I started IE and I realized why I focus on something

while eating because I too feel lonely and boring that scared me little at same

time feel like being punished for something whatever reasons. Even though my

sister and her boyfriend had eat dinner with me about everyday because my sister

was like me when we both were little girls. Our mother used to have us family

meal together everyday no matter where we sit on floor, dinner table, or couch

and watch TV together.

Though there a lot of time I am eating alone while everyone gone out to working.

However, I have been handle that in better situation now. Still watch TV while

eating that way feel less scared and stress that lead to emotional eating. I

don't want to end up like that too many times to the point I feel like I am

punishing my body for no reasons.

Eliza

[Guest guest]

Hi Eliza,

I guess sometimes, when we're used to eating with people, it can feel punishing to eat alone unless we have some kind of backround noise like the T.V. going.

Like I said, I still read and eat, so there are no rules and you don't want to do something that feels punishing to you.

Hope you enjoy the holidays!

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, December 24, 2009 3:15:29 PMSubject: Re: "Lonely" feeling when mindful eating?

I admit this is sort of hard on me sometimes. Because I usual just focus on TV while eating. Though since I started IE and I realized why I focus on something while eating because I too feel lonely and boring that scared me little at same time feel like being punished for something whatever reasons. Even though my sister and her boyfriend had eat dinner with me about everyday because my sister was like me when we both were little girls. Our mother used to have us family meal together everyday no matter where we sit on floor, dinner table, or couch and watch TV together. Though there a lot of time I am eating alone while everyone gone out to working. However, I have been handle that in better situation now. Still watch TV while eating that way feel less scared and stress that lead to emotional eating. I don't want to end up like that too many times to the point I feel like I am punishing my body for no reasons.

Eliza

[Guest guest]

Hi Alana: I totally agree with your approach to mindful eating. When I first saw

this post, I hesitated to reply, because I also watch TV while I eat some meals.

However, I previously spent many months eating without distractions at least

once a day, so that I became very aware of my 'satisfied' and/or 'full'

sensations.

Now I stay aware of my physical cues and usually stop at comfortable fullness,

whether I eat sitting with distractions (like tv) or even eating while standing

at the kitchen counter. In fact, committing to stop when I felt moderately

full, no matter when or why I was eating, helped me eliminate my long term binge

habit. So I can even eat 'emotionally' occasionally without getting painfully

full. I also know how much total volume of food makes me feel full. So, when I

plan to eat a meal while watching tv, I serve myself amounts that usually

satisfy me.

I suspect most IE newbees need to eat at least one meal a day without

distractions until they recognize their own bodies' sensations for 'fullness'

and/or 'satisfaction'. After they consistently sense 'comfortable fullness' and

stop eating, they may be able to return to eating with those 'distractions' and

still obey their fullness cues. I believe we need to learn to eat and honor our

fullness cues with distractions so that we can eat meals with others

(conversations seems like a major distraction) and still stop eating when we

feel comfortably full.

SUE

>

>

> There have been many discussion on this in the past. Yes, I definately know

what you are talking about. Eating with no book, TV, Comptuter etc. is lonely

and boring to me. I decided a long time ago not to force this on myself as it

felt like a punishment.

> It took some practice and about a year, but I am know able to read or watch TV

and still stay mindful. The key for me is to take a deep breath before I start

and have a moment of gratitude for the food I'm about to eat. Every so often I

will stop and just check in with myself. And I don't usually find myself over

eating or eating mindlessly by doing this. I think the key here is to find what

works for you and that is what I love about IE is that we are able to find what

works for us individually.

>

> Alana

[Guest guest]

Thank you...and to those who answered...yes, it DOES feel like a punishment.

That hits the nail on the head! Maybe that's why it's so lonely. When I was very

little, my mother thought I was too thin and she'd make me sit at the dinner

table alone until I finished " every bite " . My tiny little stomach would actually

be hurting from too much food and it could be 8:00, 9:00 at night with dinner

having started at 5:00 but I'd have to sit at the chair, facing away from the

living room/facing away from everyone else.

I will work on being mindful no matter what.

> >

> > Hey, everybody! I have noticed something really weird...or, I feel like I

always knew it but it was painful to face it.

> >

> > I can't seem to eat without distractions--the computer, the TV.

> >

> > That's nothing novel, I know, because many people do this. BUT what I've

noticed is that when I just sit down and look at the food and try to eat...I get

an incredibly lonely, horrible feeling.

> >

> > I don't live alone. I have two children still in the house, and my husband.

But I even get this feeling when I'm with my kids. Granted they're both

speech-delayed so it's not a very conversational table except for me, but it

shouldn't be lonely.

> >

> > Growing up, although I had a pretty rough childhood, one thing we always did

was eat together. Breakfast as a big talking giggling group; dinner as a big

talking giggling group. Could it be I'm missing that? If so, shouldn't I hate

eating altogether? Instead I turn to food constantly but in front of the

computer, TV or a book.

> >

> > Just a weird observation and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same

way.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

p.s. It's so weird that I only really remembered this once I thought about it. I

mean it was such a huge thing when I was growing up. I was ALWAYS the only one

left at the table and everyone else was off laughing and watching TV and being

together.

I would not have thought about that had it not been for IE, probably.

I was always taught that I had no clue when I was hungry. Because alternating

with this sitting-at-the-table-facing-the-wall thing, OTOH if I was hungry after

school, say, my mother would say, " You're not hungry, you're just bored. " I

remember one time I was put off from eating until I literally fell asleep out of

exhaustion and hunger...isn't that weird?

And then alternately I'd be forced to eat, literally. Sometimes I was literally

forced food (won't go into details there) and other times I was told I was not

hungry and that if I was " really so bored " my mom would " find something for (me)

to do, " meaning she was threatening me with housework or something really

difficult, so I'd scuttle off, but I was still hungry.

Then once I finally COULD eat I was forced to shovel in way more than my stomach

could ever handle.

All this considered...maybe it's no wonder I've never had a clue how to eat.

People say, " Think back to when you were a child and you followed your own

hunger cues... " But I never did follow my own hunger cues. Even as an infant my

mother kept me on a bottle schedule which she later told me about...X amount of

hours, a feeding; if I cried in between, well, " That just taught (me) to eat

more at the next feeding! " Good grief, it sure did.

[Guest guest]

hi ,

What a horrible thing to have to go through as such a young kid! No wonder it feels like punishment to eat alone with no distraction. Your mom didn't let you follow your internal cues for fullness. That is sad.

Hopefully now you can self-parent in a kind way that respects your body's cues.

Maybe instead of eating a whole meal without distractions, you can try saying, "I'll eat for five minutes only with no distractions". Then it may not feel like a punishment since it's such a short length of time. I have done that and then after five minutes is up, I go back to eating and reading.

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, December 24, 2009 11:48:51 PMSubject: Re: "Lonely" feeling when mindful eating?

Thank you...and to those who answered...yes, it DOES feel like a punishment. That hits the nail on the head! Maybe that's why it's so lonely. When I was very little, my mother thought I was too thin and she'd make me sit at the dinner table alone until I finished "every bite". My tiny little stomach would actually be hurting from too much food and it could be 8:00, 9:00 at night with dinner having started at 5:00 but I'd have to sit at the chair, facing away from the living room/facing away from everyone else.I will work on being mindful no matter what.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

It is very sad that your mother was so out of touch with honoring your internal hunger and satiety cues; she sounds like she was pretty extreme; does sound weird to me. I'm not a stranger to weird mothers either.

So what I think is the good news is even if you had no opportunity to practice being in tune with hunger and satiety, you still have the cues; we're all born with the cues and some of us have a year or so to honor them, and some of us no time. But they're biological and it's a matter of tuning in and practicing recognizing them. You'll be able to do it! I find recognizing hunger easy, but recognizing comfortable satiety is still challenging for me; I can do it but some days better than others.

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, December 24, 2009 11:55:08 PMSubject: Re: "Lonely" feeling when mindful eating?

p.s. It's so weird that I only really remembered this once I thought about it. I mean it was such a huge thing when I was growing up. I was ALWAYS the only one left at the table and everyone else was off laughing and watching TV and being together.I would not have thought about that had it not been for IE, probably.

[Guest guest]

Hi : I'd totally forgotten, but my mom also made me sit at the table

until I finished everything on my plate. Some nights I sat there until almost

midnight before I ate cold, greasy, unappetizing food just so that I could go to

bed. I didn't relate my preference to eat watching tv with sitting at the table

until I 'cleaned my plate' ... maybe because my mom stayed in the kitchen

watching me so that I couldn't leave??

However, to this day I refuse to eat food that was supposed to be hot, but got

cold. I also feel nauseas looking at cold, fatty meats. I can't eat hamburger

unless it's well hidden in a casserole with tomato sauce (like spaghetti sauce).

Just smelling hamburger makes me nauseas. Ironically, when I was very young, I

often used to wake up sick and throwing up. My mother always said I had 'stomach

flu', but I don't remember the rest of my family getting my 'flu'. I suspect

that was more related to undiagnosed CD or food allergies. However, I just

remember not digesting fatty meats very well. Maybe I got sick from eating food

(esp. fatty meats) that sat at room temperature for too long.

Another consequence of being forced to sit at the table until I 'cleaned my

plate' was that I disliked as an adult sitting at the table and talking after I

felt full. I either 'cleaned my plate' or felt very uncomfortable sitting with

others when I didn't 'clean my plate'. I spent many years listening to my

stomach cues, trying to stop when I felt full, to break my habit of 'cleaning my

plate' after I felt full. Eventually I just learned to serve myself amounts that

usually satisfied me so that I didn't have to feel too full, if I 'cleaned my

plate'.

BTW my mom didn't think I was thin. She thought I was too fat, but she didn't

want me to 'waste food'.

SUE

>

> Thank you...and to those who answered...yes, it DOES feel like a punishment.

That hits the nail on the head! Maybe that's why it's so lonely. When I was very

little, my mother thought I was too thin and she'd make me sit at the dinner

table alone until I finished " every bite " . My tiny little stomach would actually

be hurting from too much food and it could be 8:00, 9:00 at night with dinner

having started at 5:00 but I'd have to sit at the chair, facing away from the

living room/facing away from everyone else.

>

> I will work on being mindful no matter what.

[Guest guest]

ajslinton wrote:

> Eating with no book, TV, Comptuter etc.

> is lonely and boring to me. I decided a long time ago not to force this

> on myself as it felt like a punishment.

Exactly. It feels like a punishment ( " you ate yourself fat, now you have

to eat without distraction even though you don't like it " ), so I didn't

do it.

I avoid doing " emotionally charged " stuff or stuff that needs a higher

concentration level because I noticed that I could eat an entire plate

of food and notice a few minutes later that it is ... just gone! It's

different when I just browse the web or something.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

This conversation struck a chord with me! I've been thinking this whole time

that I can't be a " successful " intuitive eater until I figure out how not to eat

in front of the t.v. I've tried eating with no distractions, and eating with

different distractions like reading or the computer, and I always go back to the

t.v. This conversation provided a few discoveries...

Above all, I don't like to eat alone. I live alone right now, and I don't like

it. I grew up in a farm family where everyone was always around and we always

ate together, and when I had roommates we ate together. When I am with other

people, I very rarely continue to eat past comfortable fullness. Problem

eating, for me, only happens when I'm alone. Eating alone makes me feel lonely,

even if I don't feel lonely the rest of the time I'm home.

When I eat while watching t.v., I experience a " zoned-out " feeling that makes me

forget I'm lonely. Thanks to the zoning out, I continue to eat until I'm

finished watching t.v. I go back to the kitchen for more and more, and I don't

pay attention to my fullness. As long as I'm eating and watching t.v., I'm

zoned out and " happy " ...but not really happy, of course.

If I eat while reading, I stop eating when I'm full, even if I want to continue

reading. I enjoy eating while reading the paper or a magazine, but the silence

of the house still makes me very aware that I am alone.

Questions for the group: Is it okay to search for the zoned-out feeling to

distract from being alone? If I could find something else to do with my hands

while watching t.v., would it be acceptable? I often think I need to break my

t.v. habit altogether and find a way to be okay with being alone, but maybe the

fact of the matter is that I don't like being alone, and all the healthy habits

in the world won't change that.

Is it okay to give up on eating to comfortable fullness while watching t.v.?

Maybe eventually, when I'm more proficient with intuitive eating, I will be able

to stop eating when I'm full even while I'm watching t.v. But right now, it

feels like the only way to break the trance is to turn off the t.v.

[Guest guest]

Hi Dawn and other 'lonely' eaters: I also have eaten many meals while watching

tv lately. I previously tried eating without distractions and noticed how I

could more easily enjoy the tastes, textures and even aroma of what I ate. I

also felt 'tired of eating' after spending a meal just eating. So I didn't want

more 'tastes' after I felt comfortably full.

However, I also heard myself thinking, while I focussed on eating:

" If I just eat during a meal, I'll know when I get full and have to stop before

I finish everything I served myself. "

" If I just eat during a meal, I'll get so bored, that I'll stop eating before

I'm full and get too hungry before my next meal. "

" If I just eat, I can't eat with my husband who likes to watch Netflix movies

during dinner. "

" If I just eat, I can't converse with my husband, when we don't watch tv,

because I can't focus on my food and fullness. "

Despite learning to recognize and stop at comfortable fullness when I ate

without distractions, the negative self-talk eventually led me back to

distracted eating with tv and/or reading material accompanying almost every

meal. However, recently I decided to do whatever is necessary to change my

habit of overeating at meals so that I can consistently stop eating when I feel

comfortably full, rather than sometimes painfully stuffed.

So this morning I tried just eating while I ate my favorite breakfast (peanut

butter with sliced persimmon on an English muffin). Amazingly, I LOVED just

eating while I ate my messy meal. I thoroughly enjoyed all the textures and

tastes of the food. My mind was so distracted by those sensations and regularly

considering how my stomach felt that I did not get bored. However, when I felt

comfortably full (fortunately after I finished my meal), I was really tired of

eating and glad to stop. I also didn't have cravings for more 'tastes' of

peanut butter, as I occasionally experience after a peanut butter based meal.

I don't know how I'll react to future 'only eat while eating' meals, but I'm

willing to try at least during breakfast and lunch during the next few days. I'm

curious about whether I'll easily stop, if I feel full while I still have food

on my plate.

SUE

>

> This conversation struck a chord with me! I've been thinking this whole time

that I can't be a " successful " intuitive eater until I figure out how not to eat

in front of the t.v. I've tried eating with no distractions, and eating with

different distractions like reading or the computer, and I always go back to the

t.v. This conversation provided a few discoveries...

>

> Above all, I don't like to eat alone. I live alone right now, and I don't

like it. I grew up in a farm family where everyone was always around and we

always ate together, and when I had roommates we ate together. When I am with

other people, I very rarely continue to eat past comfortable fullness. Problem

eating, for me, only happens when I'm alone. Eating alone makes me feel lonely,

even if I don't feel lonely the rest of the time I'm home.

>

> When I eat while watching t.v., I experience a " zoned-out " feeling that makes

me forget I'm lonely. Thanks to the zoning out, I continue to eat until I'm

finished watching t.v. I go back to the kitchen for more and more, and I don't

pay attention to my fullness. As long as I'm eating and watching t.v., I'm

zoned out and " happy " ...but not really happy, of course.

>

> If I eat while reading, I stop eating when I'm full, even if I want to

continue reading. I enjoy eating while reading the paper or a magazine, but the

silence of the house still makes me very aware that I am alone.

>

> Questions for the group: Is it okay to search for the zoned-out feeling to

distract from being alone? If I could find something else to do with my hands

while watching t.v., would it be acceptable? I often think I need to break my

t.v. habit altogether and find a way to be okay with being alone, but maybe the

fact of the matter is that I don't like being alone, and all the healthy habits

in the world won't change that.

>

> Is it okay to give up on eating to comfortable fullness while watching t.v.?

Maybe eventually, when I'm more proficient with intuitive eating, I will be able

to stop eating when I'm full even while I'm watching t.v. But right now, it

feels like the only way to break the trance is to turn off the t.v.

>