Re: Anyone, words of wisdom? Saw pix of myself, horrified

[Guest guest]

Hi : I'm sorry those photos influenced 'bad body' shock reactions and

" last supper " thinking. Did you compare yourself to others in the photos before

you experienced that 'shock'? I suspect you saw yourself in the mirror during

the past 5ish years and accepted yourself. So I wonder: What else happened

during this holiday season? What else is going on in your life that influenced

your sudden decision to weigh yourself and consider doing 'something drastic'?

SUE

>

> Hey, everybody! My MIL gave us photo albums for Christmas. This was the best

possible gift because there are pictures of my boys in there, and pics of the

extended family, BUT...

>

> When I saw myself, I was in shock. I actually still am. I'm not heavier than

I've been during the past 5-ish years; actually, I go up a little, down a little

but am always right around the weight I am now. So it's not like it's something

new. But somehow, by staying out of pictures, or by standing behind someone,

I've managed to hide the truth from myself, I think.

>

> I couldn't believe it when I saw these pictures. I'm not a little overweight.

I'm fat, plain and simple. I'm " a fat person " . When people see me on the street,

that's what they see.

>

> I was doing SO well with Christmas--just an average-size dinner but everything

that I wanted--but seeing those pics pushed me RIGHT into " last supper " thinking

( " I'd better eat now b/c I'm going to have to do something drastic about my

weight tomorrow! " ) and weirdly, even telling myself over & over again that I'm

NOT going to diet " tomorrow, " I was overwhelmed by fear and so I weighed myself

and I am up 2 lbs. from last week. I am suspecting the turkey stuffing.

>

> Well, what did I do but ate another plate of turkey and stuffing last night

when I really didn't need it. Then today, for lunch I had really really big

portions of turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes. I did NOT need them. I could

have done with one portion. It was a LOT of food. I feel sort of in a crisis.

>

> The only plus is that this didn't plunge me into full-fledged binging--that

entails, usually, literally a full night of stuffing in food, waiting for there

to be a pocket in my stomach somewhere so I can eat and not be sick and stuffing

more in...at a very fast pace, one food after the next, I'd estimate about 5000

calories or so of food (maybe more). I haven't done that this time but I have

surely eaten enough to at least keep me up at this higher weight...and looking

horrible.

>

> How can I get past this? I can't stop seeing those pictures in my mind's eye.

I put away the photo album but I can still visualize them and I can imagine what

my husband is thinking every time he looks at me. No wonder I turn him off. I

feel awful about this.

>

[Guest guest]

, not to make light of how or what you're feeling, I haven't been happy of a picture of myself since I guess babyhood! Remember please that for many of us or most of us, we are our own worst critics. But why feel awful? I read two successes here of which you should be so proud (not to mention the most being your beautiful children) -- your weight has been stable for several years and you didn't binge! Be proud of these successes! I think this is just a bump in the road on our IE journey, so stop beating yourself up!

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry you had this experience, I know how painful it is to feel bad about

your body. When I feel this way, I do something nice for my body, like take a

warm bubble bath, go to a yoga class or otherwise pamper myself so I feel

pretty. Make sure to wear comfortable clothes that flatter you. Read the chapter

in Intuitve Eating about respecting your body.

Also, was there anything stressful going on the day you had these thoughts? I

find that when I start having bad body thoughts, something else is usually

bothering me, that my writing isn't going to well or I had a snap with my

husband. Explore your feelings a little bit, because nine times out of ten, it's

usually not about your body and the one time it is, it's usually ill-fitting

clothes, at least that's how it usually works for me.

Big hug,

McKella

>

> , not to make light of how or what you're feeling, I haven't been happy

of a picture of myself since I guess babyhood!   Remember please that for many

of us or most of us, we are our own worst critics.  But why feel awful?  I read

two successes here of which you should be so proud (not to mention the most

being your beautiful children) -- your weight has been stable for several years

and you didn't binge!  Be proud of these successes!  I think this is just a bump

in the road on our IE journey, so stop beating yourself up! 

>  

> Jeanne  

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, everybody...a couple people now have asked what else was going on...You

know, what was going on was a couple of family get-togethers where all my

husband's beautiful, incredibly thin, extraordinarily tall, very perfect cousins

were.

I really, really, really thought I wasn't letting it bother me.

But every time I see what he grew up with, I am painfully aware that I can never

stack up.

I have never felt this way about another man. I always thought I was the " best "

in at least some way. I never feel like I'm the " best " anything as concerns my

husband. He grew up in very-perfect southern California with skinny bullemic

girls everywhere with nose and boob jobs.

With all my former boyfriends and my previous husband, I felt extra-special.

There is not one thing about me that is better than or even stacks up to 99% of

the women my husband has known or currently knows (he works in Beverly Hills).

I feel plain and dumpy and I wish I had never moved here. I HATE IT HERE. I wish

I had stayed in New Jersey. I miss home!!!

Whew! I didn't even know I was thinking all of that stuff. Yikes.

Hugs all around,

Mel

[Guest guest]

Hi, Mel.

While reading what you wrote in the last post I kept thinking through the whole

thing - maybe he picked you because you're not perfect?

I know my husband did just that. He grew up in a family where everything was

perfect (on the outside ofcourse), nobody had any troubles, they all were thin

and sporty-type. All the girlfriends/wifes of his brothers are thin... So why

did he pick me - not anorexic type of woman, with mood-outbursts, with fat in

the tummy and in the arms?

And the answer I came to was - BECAUSE I'M REAL! I'm approachable. I'm not some

perfect image of cover-girl which hangs on the wall, unapproachable!

He did his degree in dietetics (funny, ha?) with 120 skinny and beautiful girls

(and trust me, they were beautiful!) but he picked me because I was human. When

I once asked hin why he didn't pick some other girls instead he told me -

because you gave me something much more important than being skinny - you gave

me warmth, you opened my heart and awarness to emotions and because you were not

perfect.

Although this is my experience, I hope some of it is the same with you husband.

Ruty

>

> Thanks, everybody...a couple people now have asked what else was going

on...You know, what was going on was a couple of family get-togethers where all

my husband's beautiful, incredibly thin, extraordinarily tall, very perfect

cousins were.

>

> I really, really, really thought I wasn't letting it bother me.

>

> But every time I see what he grew up with, I am painfully aware that I can

never stack up.

>

> I have never felt this way about another man. I always thought I was the

" best " in at least some way. I never feel like I'm the " best " anything as

concerns my husband. He grew up in very-perfect southern California with skinny

bullemic girls everywhere with nose and boob jobs.

>

> With all my former boyfriends and my previous husband, I felt extra-special.

There is not one thing about me that is better than or even stacks up to 99% of

the women my husband has known or currently knows (he works in Beverly Hills).

>

> I feel plain and dumpy and I wish I had never moved here. I HATE IT HERE. I

wish I had stayed in New Jersey. I miss home!!!

>

> Whew! I didn't even know I was thinking all of that stuff. Yikes.

>

> Hugs all around,

>

> Mel

>

[Guest guest]

Very well said, Ruty! Even beautiful women get old someday with wrinkles, sags, etc. I think it is far more important to be beautiful on the inside because that never fades. And , your husband chose you!

Hugs,

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Great job on figuring out what was bothering you. I totally understand; I grew

up with a bunch of skinny dancer cousin and I was the stocky, quirky one that

went through more than a couple awkward stages and couldn't get a guy to dance

with me at school dances.

Quitting the body check game is hard, but if you start feeling inadequte,

remember all the great things about you (your talents, your accomplishements,

compliments you've recieved...) Also, remember, no one's perfect. What do those

women have to do to stay so 'perfect' looking? Maybe they have a messed up

relationship with food, maybe they're slaves to the treadmill, and maybe they

have just as many bad body thoughts as anyone else.

You've found a way out of that mess with IE, and you can do it.

McKella

>

> Thanks, everybody...a couple people now have asked what else was going

on...You know, what was going on was a couple of family get-togethers where all

my husband's beautiful, incredibly thin, extraordinarily tall, very perfect

cousins were.

>

> I really, really, really thought I wasn't letting it bother me.

>

> But every time I see what he grew up with, I am painfully aware that I can

never stack up.

>

> I have never felt this way about another man. I always thought I was the

" best " in at least some way. I never feel like I'm the " best " anything as

concerns my husband. He grew up in very-perfect southern California with skinny

bullemic girls everywhere with nose and boob jobs.

>

> With all my former boyfriends and my previous husband, I felt extra-special.

There is not one thing about me that is better than or even stacks up to 99% of

the women my husband has known or currently knows (he works in Beverly Hills).

>

> I feel plain and dumpy and I wish I had never moved here. I HATE IT HERE. I

wish I had stayed in New Jersey. I miss home!!!

>

> Whew! I didn't even know I was thinking all of that stuff. Yikes.

>

> Hugs all around,

>

> Mel

>

[Guest guest]

Mel, next time you see one of those 'perfect' gals with all the 'rebuild' jobs

add into your reactions that medical science still can't tuck in intelligence

and personality into that re-shaped form.

I have never been, nor would seek to be a living 'Barbie doll'!!! If it wasn't

so disgusting, I would share a photo that was sent to me with this wrinkled old

bat who had round 'lumps' in her boob area - silicon implants for sure. The rest

of her was skeleton covered with over tanned, out of tone skin. Lovely image -

NOT.

I know I started out with IE - 1) concerned with eating and foods. Then moved on

to 2) rejecting diet mentality. 3) was more getting (back) in touch with my

inner body signals and 4) became getting to appreciate my body. IE is NOT a

'magic pill' to transform you into something you are NOT. Its your own personal

journey - how, when why - to help you become the wonderful YOU that is and

always will be.

BEST to you, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> He grew up in very-perfect southern California with skinny bullemic girls

everywhere with nose and boob jobs.

> Mel

>

[Guest guest]

Heart attack may be the 'actual' death cause but what it is is the failure of

that vital muscle after being ravaged by other things - dieting, drugs etc. Most

famous people have 'heart attack' listed because it sounds more 'normal' than

self induced physical abuse.

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> she was only 32 and supposedly died of natural causes, a heart attack,

[Guest guest]

, could it be that the reason your husband married YOU was because you're perfect!

All the best,

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Hi, dear! A couple of people said this and I figured I'd answer the first

one--that was you! (Lucky thing you...) The thing is, I was much, much, much

thinner when I met my husband. My " fatness " only really started after the birth

of our first son together (my second son). Until then I was always able to

" diet " and " control " my weight. I don't want to sound like a whiner but my DH is

definitely not the type to say " I love you and think you're beautiful no matter

what! " unless he's saying it as sort of a sarcastic joke.

Before me he dated someone he considered unattractive--he always says he has no

idea why and he picks a lot on how she used to look.

But his very first girlfriend was a model, five-foot-eleven and 125 pounds. This

is the stuff that always runs through my head. At the time of marrying him, I

did not think he was shallow/superficial--too much about him seemed " for

real " --but now I wonder.

He is definitely displeased with how fat I am. He definitely doesn't gravitate

toward me with love in his eyes, if you know what I mean; he may sometimes be

affectionate but it is definitely not in his eyes. It's more like it's a chore.

This all sounds really bad and I'm sure the answer is " leave him " but I've tried

and he threatened to keep the kids...he's the one with the money for lawyers, so

I don't doubt him. And then at times we do seem like good friends...but I never,

ever feel like he really loves me.

I did when we first met and I looked great...at the time I thought he really did

love me and it was for who I was deep down, but now I don't think so any more.

So that's a lot of stuff and it won't all be solved by an internet

forum...but...just wanted to explain. I think when the kids are grown, my

husband and I probably won't be together any more.