Re: pj I am new

[Guest guest]

PJ, my husband has been the same way, so I can totally relate. It makes it so

much more challenging to live with someone who judges your weight. The irony

for me is that my husband has always been overweight, and has grown more and

more so over the years. He now weighs nearly 300 pounds. I actually don't even

see him as overweight and have no problem with it. To find out that I have to

meet certain standards to be considered attractive by him has been extremely

hurtful to me. It's like finding out you're really not loved unconditionally.

But I try to focus on the truth of the matter, which is that this is his

problem, not mine. Perhaps he's judging himself, and he's just transferring

that onto me? He blames his arousal problems on me, but I actually know that he

had those problems before I gained my weight. He was recently diagnosed with

very, very low testosterone, but still won't admit that the problem might lie

with him.

Anyway, I know that I'm a beautiful, sexy woman in her prime. And lots of guys

who flirt with me know it, too. If he can't see past his own problems, and

really see me, then that's sad for him.

He has never said anything in a derogatory way. Just a couple of matter of fact

conversations. I stayed really calm, I tried to have empathy with the problems

that down deep he knows he has. I gave my perspective, told him I felt I was

beautiful, and if he had problems with me, maybe he could find some way to grow

past them. He was actually much better after that, but still has off and on

arousal problems, of course. He doesn't try to insult me ever, and I would

never allow anyone to do that. It's emotional abuse, and everyone should have

boundaries that prevent that.

This forum is extremely supportive. This is the only place I get support for my

IE perspective. I have learned to also be my own caregiver, and I'm getting

more and more effective of that. And I often turn to God, which helps me

tremendously. I find that this group, me, God, that's all I really need.

Remember, you're a beautiful, substantial, fertile woman (not some teenage girl)

who deserves to be charished. And cherishing ourselves is far more important

than being cherished by anyone else.

Big Hugs!!!!!!!

Sara

> My weight is a big issue with my husband. Some days I think I should have

walked away the moment he shared withme his thoughts about my wight. To be that

pre marriage pre 6 babies weight again. NOt goiong to happean.