Re: Re: BBF

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I won't quote large parts of your mail even though I think you're right

with them.

lowryerhys wrote:

> While I feel the pull towards dieting all the time, when I try to look at

> it all logically, IE looks rational and dieting looks futile. For a long

> time I felt I deserved to be hungry (and as a result cold and sick) as

> punishment for all the times I had overeaten and while it may have

> temporarily corrected the physical imbalance it totally screwed up my

> ability to choose physical responses (I ate more than my body asked for as

> soon as I was done " helping it " correct my weight).

This is exactly how I feel. I feel like I would " deserve the punishment "

and I could even take some kind of sick pride in feeling cold and

lightheaded.

If someone knows how to clear my mind from nutritional clutter, tell me.

You will be my hero forever.

Regards

s.

[Guest guest]

jain_daugh wrote:

> Consider the 'tight' chair a HUG and one that you need to feel too. I so

> understand your struggles and admire your dedication to finding and doing

> what is right for YOU.

Thanks for your reply. At the moment I feel quite lost. What IS the

right thing for me to do? After being so long into IE it may sound

ridiculous but I feel like being in a crisis.

I have a few theories why that is, one being that I entered the " working

world " in a way I didn't before. Before my final exam I always worked. I

had different jobs and most of them I liked. I worked at several

hospitals for several weeks and some of that was not pleasant as I had

to work on wards I'd never would have worked if I had been given a

choice[1].

Now I'm working in a department I CHOSE to work. I was free to take or

leave this job. I love that job. My probation time is almost over and I

think I can stay (at least my boss has a lot of plans that include me).

It feels so unfamiliar that people are really giving a **** about my

decisions and opinions. Med students are only used to be - well - the

STUDENT, not the DOCTOR. I felt quite inadequate in the beginning,

having to ask a LOT of questions and still having a lot of questions.

Ok, this is rather natural when keeping in mind that resident time is 60

months and I'm only 5 months into it. I felt completely overwhelmed at

times.

Probation time is another one of these nerve wrecking things I

experienced lately. Six months of not truly knowing if you can stay at

this place you would love working for at least some years? Not fine.

I now see that this time wasn't the time for losing weight (even though

I hoped that now finally working in a job I liked would help it; quite

naive now that I think about it, having not considered the stress that

change causes) as there was so much going on. Yet, this feels like a

lame excuse and not like a sensible explanation why IE and losing weight

was lower in my list priorities. I'm also still working on my

dissertation.

I have to admit it: I have different priorities right now and have a

hard time accepting that. If I wouldn't gain weight I think I could live

with that though, but I see that I have to do something as I notice that

my blood sugar values are not under the same good control as they were a

while ago.

There are also some family problems as well as I came to hear over

X-mas. My sister is really losing it after she lost her job in autumn.

Now that I look over my mail again I feel quite overwhelmed.

Regards

s.

[1] Med students have to work in several fields and if you're not really

truly into the " big main stuff " you have to white knuckle through it

anyway.

[Guest guest]

sue wrote:

> " Has all the

> self-loathing because of your body helped? Has dwelling on your imperfect

> body parts helped you to become leaner, or merely make you feel worse?

> Does chewing yourself out every time you step on the scale make your

> weight any less? "

What made me always a bit irritated about these lines when reading them

in books is the fact that it sounds a bit like one would beat oneself up

because it's some kind of pleasure. It started to make me kind of angry

lately as these negative thoughts creep up on their own and I'm trying

to fight them but keep losing the battle.

It's NOT like I sit in a chair and say to myself " Wheeeee, let's beat

myself up and have some BBT today! Maybe it will help me lose weight!

Fun Fun! "

I don't want to offend you. I appreciate your reply but what I need more

is strategies to silence these voices that keep creeping up unwanted.:-(

You're saying " harsh judgement doesn't help " . I feel a bit irritated

right now. I mean, I KNOW that. I feel like getting a lecture I already

got countless times from reading the books and the boards.

However, this lecture I already know has always left me with a big

question: " How to silence the voices?! How to prevent them from creeping

up and catching me off guard and throwing me into a mess of BBTs? "

If you have an idea to solve that problem I'd be very glad to read about

it and I hope I didn't offend you. If I did, please say so and we can

talk it out.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year!

Regards

s.