help

[Guest guest]

Hi all –

I made a big mistake today, and got

on the scale. I did it because I was going to the doctor, and I figured

they were probably going to weigh me anyway so why not find out what my scale

says, first. I’ve been doing IE since June, and I know I gained

some weight at the beginning. I haven’t gotten on the scale since

July, and my clothes (meaning JEANS) fit the same, so I have been feeling good

and figured my weight has stabilized. Wrong! I am 12 pounds up,

since July 22. I was so surprised. I am already at a very high

weight for me (236, my goal weight is 170) and while I’m very healthy and

I work out, I am really feeling the extra pounds. My joints hurt and

despite the fact that I lift weights weekly with a trainer and work hard at

core strength, I have strained my back three times in the last month. (I

have a wiggly 18 pound baby who is the cause of the back injuries).

I’m not surprised that I

gained weight at the beginning, but I thought my IE was going so well because

of how I’m eating. I’m through my cake, cookies, ice cream

and other “phases” and feel very apathetic about those foods.

I’m starting to want vegetables and fruits again. I actually thought

I might have lost weight, and that’s partly why I had the nerve to get on

the scale.

For medical reasons, partly related

to the doctor I went to today, I don’t have all the time in the world to just

keep on trusting IE and letting my weight be what it is. As long as I

feel like my weight is going down, no matter how slowly, those medical issues

will be addressed and I need that so badly. I know this is probably my

only choice, since diets don’t work at all for me (not even

temporarily). But I’m so upset and confused. My trainer keeps

asking me if the IE is “working” and I know that what she, and

everyone, means is, am I losing weight? You and I know that IE is so much

more than that, and that it IS working, because my relationship with food is so

different. But if my weight is still going up, am I wrong? I always

thought being “out of touch” with my own weight gain was a red flag

that I was having food issues, but since my clothes feel the same I didn’t

think I was gaining. I thought weight loss was right around the corner

and now I’m feeling all those old feelings of mistrust towards

myself. I want so much to feel in tune with my body and not always feel

that my body is betraying me.

FYI, the doctor didn’t

pressure me about my weight; the medical part is I want to have another baby

and I feel I can’t go through another pregnancy when my body is already

stressed by this extra weight.

As you can tell I am freaking

out. Please help?