Re: Backsliding...

December 21, 2009

Hi Mckella:

I also overate to the point of discomfort several times this month during

special holiday dinners and even at 'regular dinners' when I wanted to 'taste'

Christmas cookies for dessert after eating a satisfying meal. I've come a long

ways from where I was 5 years ago. However, I recently continued to eat after a

satisfying lunch and thought, " WOW! This could escalate to a binge. " Fortunately

I let let myself eat exactly what I wanted and soon ate exactly what satisfied

me. Rather than feel 'stuffed', I felt good and stopped eating. However, I later

realized the episode began after a very stressful situation. So I knew that I

had wanted emotional comfort from certain foods.

What kept me from relapsing into full scale binges during all those little

backsliding slips was staying aware of my self-talk. Like you, I'm not

overweight. However, I don't have a perfect hourglass figure. My waist is too

big in proportion to my smaller hips and bust. So I can easily see 'muffin top'

hanging over some too snug jean waists. I also experience regular belly bloat

related to food allergies and intestinal infections. I could easily slip into a

'I overate and now I'm fat and ugly' mindset unless I constantly monitor my

self-talk and challenge irrational thoughts like: " I overate. Now I can't wear

my favorite clothes " or " My stomach is too big. I must have gained 5 pounds

today " or even " I'm back to bingeing. I'm out of control. I can't eat my

favorite foods without overeating. "

Rather than letting those irrational thoughts dictate my actions after

overeating, I ask myself " Who says one overeating episode means I can't wear my

clothes or I gained 5 pounds? Has that ever happened? " Even if I gained 2 pounds

in a day, I still can wear most of my clothes. Then I remind myself that my body

naturally wants less food after a day or 2 of overeating. I don't need to

restrict what or how much I eat. I'm just not as hungry or just don't need as

much food in the days following overeating situations.

I stopped bingeing 9 months ago, because I refused to let myself compensate

after overeating. I refused to restrict myself, exercise more or even weigh

myself to motivate myself to eat less. Mostly I refused to condemn myself with

my self-talk. I decided that I would do anything to eliminate binges. During

those 9 months I often overate to the point of discomfort. Eventually I learned

that I preferred to feel comfortable after a meal and stopped sooner. I

sometimes ate between meals when I wasn't hungry. Eventually I learned that I

would enjoy food more at meals or snacks, if I waited until I was hungry to eat.

Nevertheless, no matter what else I did, I focussed on not bingeing. Above all,

I listened to and challenged my self-talk about eating and my body.

So I suggest that you challenge your self-talk after an overeating incident.

Rather than remind yourself of everything you don't like about your body,

consider what decisions you made that led to overeating. Perhaps you don't often

eat the food that you overate. So you had a 'last supper' incident. Perhaps you

just enjoyed the social situation and overlooked your stomach fullness

sensations. Rather than condemn yourself, objectively, nonjudgmentally consider

what you will do in similar future social situations. Then let go of that

overeating situation and focus on enjoying comfortable (just enough) meals

today, tomorrow ... Learn from the past and then let go so that you can enjoy

the present.

SUE

>

> I haven't had bad thoughts about my body in a long time, and I've gotten

really good at being gentle with myself if I overeat or eat when I'm not hungry.

I overate at a Christmas party on saturday, and last night at my parent's house,

they made my two very favorite foods in the world- Dad's spaghetti and Mom's

chocolate chip cookies- and I ate more than I needed and felt uncomfortable. I

was so sensitive about my eating on saturday that it caused a huge fight with my

husband. I felt awful for the rest of the day and my body felt so uncomfortable.

Yesterday before dinner, my mom took a family picture and I hate the way I look.

I'm not even overweight, I'm 5'8 " and a size 8 or a 10, but I have a very round

face that's larger than my husband's, and so I look bigger than him in the

picture. It's a silly thing to get worked up about. Also, last night I felt very

aware of my 'muffin tops' poking over the edge of my jeans.

> I know I'm just rambling, but I just feel really discouraged and worried that

I'll never break free from my compulsive eating and that I'll always be at war

with my body. I've been doing so well, now I feel miserable and I'm not sure

what to do or how to get my brain back on track.

>

> McKella

>

December 21, 2009

McKella my husband has a round face too. No one would believe me when I told

them he was skinny! When we were first married he weighed 130# at 5' 7 " , but his

round face always made him appear 'fuller'. Geenen Roth talked about her 'moon

face' and how it always made her feel fatter too. Just goes to show how much a

small part of one's overall body can become the focus of our and other's

attention. You sound like you are biting into other's outlook of you more than

your own.

'Muffin tops' can be the result of ill fitting clothes too. Remember, the

clothes ought to fit you and not the other way around! The concept of 'size' for

clothing is a new one in the long history of mankind and reflects the needs of

manufacturers, not the 'uniform' size of people. A 'muffin top' could mean that

there is more to you than meets the eye! Embrace and celebrate that SUBSTANCE -

its YOU.

Glad to have you here and your sharing helps me to keep my focus on IE too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007