Guest guest Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Its that old cliche - you don't really know what you are missing until its gone. And that is my mom. She really was a fabulously 'different' mom. Of course I didn't know that growing up and thought all moms were like her - free spirited, full of life, determined without being pushy or stubborn about it, and not a 'patsy' for anyone either - even my dad (who probably couldn't have lived without her - but had to later). The saddest part for me was that this FULL of life person died at age 54 - living up to another saying that the good die young. I still remember reading a title of a book at a used bookstore, just before she died - Happy People Don't Get Cancer. And while I know she lived with a zest for life and didn't let much stop her from doing whatever she set her mind to, I immediately sensed that she must have kept a LOT of sadness and heartache buried away within her too. I really am lucky to have had her for an example of LIVING. Not too long ago I ran into a gal I had gone to school with (kindergarten thru high school too), and after saying hi, she asked about my mom. It had been over 30 years since we had seen each other and she still remembered my mom. That is a lovely legacy and one I treasure. Katcha > > When I read that your mom made a conscious decision to not be like her parents, it brings a tear to my eyes because I know how much determination that takes, and it shows how loving a mother she was; not wanting to revisit anything upon you, to the best of her ability. I wish my mother could have done what yours did, but she couldn't. > > Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 9, 2009 Report Share Posted December 9, 2009 Hi Katcha, I would have really enjoyed knowing your mom; she sounds like she was such a wonderful, spirited person!! It's very sad that she had kept some deep sadness within her and just so sad that she was only 54 when she died. But you are right, she left a legacy and she affected people with her genuine, determined, and positive personality. It's nice that you have wonderful memories and a gift that she loved you and that you were able to love her. Laurie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wed, December 9, 2009 11:31:56 PMSubject: Re: Shame Its that old cliche - you don't really know what you are missing until its gone. And that is my mom. She really was a fabulously 'different' mom. Of course I didn't know that growing up and thought all moms were like her - free spirited, full of life, determined without being pushy or stubborn about it, and not a 'patsy' for anyone either - even my dad (who probably couldn't have lived without her - but had to later). The saddest part for me was that this FULL of life person died at age 54 - living up to another saying that the good die young. I still remember reading a title of a book at a used bookstore, just before she died - Happy People Don't Get Cancer. And while I know she lived with a zest for life and didn't let much stop her from doing whatever she set her mind to, I immediately sensed that she must have kept a LOT of sadness and heartache buried away within her too. I really am lucky to have had her for an example of LIVING. Not too long ago I ran into a gal I had gone to school with (kindergarten thru high school too), and after saying hi, she asked about my mom. It had been over 30 years since we had seen each other and she still remembered my mom. That is a lovely legacy and one I treasure.Katcha>> When I read that your mom made a conscious decision to not be like her parents, it brings a tear to my eyes because I know how much determination that takes, and it shows how loving a mother she was; not wanting to revisit anything upon you, to the best of her ability. I wish my mother could have done what yours did, but she couldn't.> > Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2009 Report Share Posted December 10, 2009 Katcha, thanks for sharing about your mother! So sorry you lost her so young!! I had mine a little longer; when she died in 1998, she was 71. Your mother sounds like she was one cool lady! Mine was pretty neat too! She was funny, a joy to be around, kind, considerate, strong, stubborn, independent and had a lot of courage, especially when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. A couple of years after my father died my mother got involved with the senior group at the local recreation center and just bloomed. Believe it or not, they called themselves the "Silver Teens" and enjoyed themselves like teens too. I don't remember my mother ever doing any exercise, but she started swimming and even competing in the Golden Olympics! I feel truly blessed to have had such a wonderful human being in my life! Just wish I could tell her one more time how much I love and appreciate her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2009 Report Share Posted December 10, 2009 Katcha, my condolences on losing your mom, especially so close to a family-oriented holiday like Thanksgiving! The holidays are changed forever. Don't think I've ever fully recovered from losing mom; don't think I ever will because she was my best friend too. Katcha, you handled your grief and pain in the best way you knew how at the time. No offense to the gentlemen here, but women are like fine wine, we get better with age! Have a great day! Jeanne > > > > I sent this a little earlier but don't think it went so I'm sending again. > > > > Thanks for your comments, Laurie! > > > > Katcha, my parents are both deceased as well. We lost my father on Christmas Eve, 1986, after a long illness. (No wonder I get a little nuts every year at this time!) My poor father was distant with everybody, except with my mother. There must have been some reason for her marrying my father, but God help me, I never really understood it. It sadden me that when my father decided to go into recovery for his drinking that an avenue never opened for my father and I to improve our relationship! After he died, I think I grieved more for what could have been! > > > > Jeanne > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2009 Report Share Posted December 10, 2009 Thanks, Katcha! I really don't want to eat like that anymore; knew I wasn't physically hungry. After stopping for a moment and taking a deep breath, the realization came to me that something else was going on. What? Don't know. Jeanne > > > > Wow, I must be into something with this discussion on family issues because I've had a very strong urge to overeat today! > > > > Jeanne > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2009 Report Share Posted December 10, 2009 Laurie, I agree with you that most of us on here have been severly wounded by our parents as children all because our parents were wounded by their parents. What I do think is so wonderful is how so many of us are seeing this pattern and working at trying to get healthier ourselves so that our children will hopefully not be wounded and carry on the dysfunction to their children. I think the next up and coming generations are going to be much more rounded and well adjusted just because so many people today are trying to stop the insanity so-to-speak. Alana > > Hi Jeanne, > It is sad when a parent is too wounded to really provide what a child needs. I had that situation with both parents.  It's also sad that a child, who depends on the parent(s), can't figure out and/or face that it is the parent who is flawed. I suppose, in a child's mind, someone's wrong and and it can't be the parent, so of course the child blames herself (himself). Then we grow up and we carry that feeling, " I'm flawed " with us until we have the courage to face our parent(s) dysfunctions. And we have to then face feelings we couldn't process as children. And some of the feelings really suck, lol!!  And that's part of the story as to why we are here on the IE message board dealing with our relationship to food and eating  :.) > > Laurie > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Wed, December 9, 2009 9:19:27 AM > Subject: Re: Shame > >  > Wow, Laurie! Your comment really hit a nerve with me because it made me think about my own childhood! I'm only child, and my mother and I were really close. However, it was totally different with my father because he was emotionally distant and showed very little affection, at least my way. When I was younger, I always thought there must be something wrong with me.  But later on, it dawned on me that it wasn't me so much.  When I was told a little more about his earlier life (to include his wartime experiences) , I realized my father was a wounded human being; how could he show or express what he didn't know how to do. Guess that is where I get my addictive tendencies too because he'd drink and his daughter overeats.  > > Jeanne > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 10, 2009 Report Share Posted December 10, 2009 Hi Alana, You're right! It's so nice to know that parents, like you, are doing all you can to set a healthy example for their children. Healing benefits you and short circuits the cycle of dysfunction. I don't happen to have chidren, but I have two cats who are very spoiled. I teach piano and see the ways I can convey healthy messages to the children; ie, not expecting a perfect playing of a song, for example. I become frustrated when I hear a child say, "I have to play it perfectly", or "it doesn't sound good". I makes sure I talk to them about these ideas and hope I have some influence on their beliefs. I go to the home to teach the children, so I can see a bit of the family dynamics. Sometimes what I see is very sad because some parents are just carrying on without questioning how they were raised. Sometimes i see examples of wonderful parenting. Laurie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Thu, December 10, 2009 11:59:32 AMSubject: Re: Shame Laurie,I agree with you that most of us on here have been severly wounded by our parents as children all because our parents were wounded by their parents. What I do think is so wonderful is how so many of us are seeing this pattern and working at trying to get healthier ourselves so that our children will hopefully not be wounded and carry on the dysfunction to their children. I think the next up and coming generations are going to be much more rounded and well adjusted just because so many people today are trying to stop the insanity so-to-speak.Alana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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