Yes, but

[Guest guest]

I am fairly new to

this list...within the last month. Haven’t posted much – have

been trying to read, absorb and learn. Purchased the book IE and am

probably 1/3 of the way through.

My problem is

this: My “work” is at a gym. I teach aerobics –

13 classes a week. This is my main source of income. And it’s

great to get paid to exercise. But I think the gym mentality (I could

talk for hours here) really messes with me.....

Recent posts have

mentioned fashion mags, Marie Osmond, Bertenelli, etc. It’s

so hard being FACED with that every day at work. If everyone there was

interested in being the best they could be, it would be one thing. But

there is so much competition to be the skinniest, weigh the least, have the

most muscles, be the strongest (I grabbed heavier DB’s than you), who is

the tannest, etc. It makes me sick.

I am in no way blaming

my life-long food addiction and bingeing disorder with my 3-year job as a

fitness instructor....

I’ve been

overweight my whole life – was 240 on Jan. 1st, 2006 and lost 80 pound, ending at 160. I’ve regained

weight and am just feeling out of control.

I can’t seem to

get back “in control” – when I lost weight the first time it

was through External methods (calorie counting), which in my rational brain, I

knew was just a “bandaid”....b/c if I don’t really deal with the

“why” then the “how” is meaningless....make any sense?

So the regain of weight really isn’t a shock to me......

I really want to

embrace the IE way.....throw my scale out, my diet books, out, etc.

But I am in a

BIND! I need to lose weight NOW for my job. I don’t have time to mess around....this

is an emergency. I can’t be up in front of people like this.

To make a long story

short, I think I need to quit my job. But I’m good at it! And

I don’t have any other way (right now) to earn money. I’m

feeling like, “Do I make a leap of faith and quit my job (based on

principle and needing to get my head straight?)” and pray that another

job will come along for me.....or do I keep slugging it out teaching aerobics

and trying to work on my issues.

Blah! I am so

lost, and so alone, and so frightened and so out of control....the IE way

sounds like JUST what I need.....but I just don’t feel like I have that kind

of time....

I’m

rambling.....just needed to post how difficult this is in my line of

work. I initially lost the weight and wanted to help others change their

life, so got into this “career”....but now I see this “career”

messes with me even more mentally....and even though I lost the 80 pounds, I

obviously did not lose the “cause”, the “why”, the “mental

aspect”....b/c the pounds are rearing their ugly heads again....nothing

fits....and at this weight, I’ve regained 20-30 pounds.....I feel like I

do not deserve to be up in front of groups of people leading them in

exercises!

I’m a great

fitness instructor – very good at my job – but I feel like if I

were a class member looking at me, I would think “Why should I come to

her classes? They are OBVIOUSLY not working for HER!”

Frustrated.....

Jolene

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It is only with the

heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is

invisible to the eye.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery (The Little Prince)