Hidden progress.

[Guest guest]

Just when I start to think I have " blown it " or " failed " at IE, I realize that I

have made progress I wasn't even aware of.

Every so often I get an amazing day, where I'm IE-ing it breakfast, lunch,

dinner, exercise, and everywhere in between. Then the next day...BAM...I go

right back to everything I'm trying to break free from. I get about one good

day a week where I am really able to sit and focus on what I'm feeling and how

I'm eating.

So while I sit here consuming a load of cereal for breakfast I realize

something. Yeah, I have just overeaten. However, I started with one cereal,

tasted it and realized that wasn't the one I truly wanted. Knowing I DO indeed

want cereal, I move onto the next. Feeling guilty about being wasteful I try to

make myself eat it but I find that I truly want fruit loops. Finally, I get

myself the fruit loops and by the time I'm satisfied with how much I've eaten, I

am a bit overfull. At the same time, I made sure I ate what I truly wanted even

if it took a bit of work getting there.

I completely overate at lunch, but looking back I realized that I was feeling a

lot of frustration right before and while I was eating. I vented about it but

the anxiety was still there and I wound up overeating. I was able to stop it

though as I started thinking " ok what else can I eat? " but insisted on trying to

breathe it out. I gave myself permission to eat, but found I didn't really want

anything.

So those are the types of things I am progressing on. Occasionally I will eat a

meal where I can leave some on the plate, realizing I am full just like I did at

dinner tonight. There are times where it takes a bit of time and food to figure

out what I truly want to eat as sometimes I just don't know until I taste it.

And there are times where even though I don't really listen to my body at that

moment, I am able to see why I am eating the way I am and hopefully in the

future I will be able to see that a little earlier and before I use food to

cover up whatever I am feeling.

I think a reason why I am not doing so well today is because I know I'm going to

be seeing my mom tomorrow who I have not seen in a few weeks. I know I've

gained weight and feel as though I look like I have gained a good 50 pounds and

I'm afraid she will say something or at least think something. I KNOW she will

at least talk about something that has to do with losing weight, but I think I'm

strong enough to block it out and not give in to the urge to be in the diet

club.