Guest guest Posted April 3, 2009 Report Share Posted April 3, 2009 Hi Thea...I hear ya...sometimes our big feelings get the best of us. I get a lot of outside help for this sensitivity I have...it's very useful and continues to teach me new tools to use rather than picking up the food. Sometimes it's a phone call to a friend, really just to "unload"...of course it needs to be a healthy supportive friend...lol! Sometimes I simply journal about my anger, my frustrations, my perceived unmet needs, whatever...this can really take a lot of the energy out of my overwhelming feelings. Sometimes, it's just an act of self-care. I think most "foodies" really never learned how to care for themselves, how to ask for what they needed or how to meet their own needs.....food was the intermediary between all of that for most of us, and for most of our lives. Today, I had a real uncomfortable exchange with one of my students. She wrote me an email that felt hurtful to me, and I wrote her back a terse response. I regretted my decision the moment I pressed "send"...In the old days, I would have eaten over that...but here's the recovery. I recognized that I just had my healthy, very satisfying breakfast a couple of hours ago, that I wasn't hungry, and I picked up the phone and called 2 friends for help instead of eating...here's the miracle...after making two calls to two good friends, neither of whom were available to talk, I logged back on to my school email account to finish my "housekeeping" stuff for the day, and there was an email from my student, apologizing for her inappropriate email...her response to me was so loving, and we were able to have this just really very loving exchange with one another...I don't know that that would have happened if I had chosen to eat instead of picking up the phone and asking for help.It's baby steps...we're learning how to use new tools and to put down the fork...one day at a time. Rather than beat yourself up, take a bath and nourish your inner-kid...tell her you love her and that she doesn't have to eat, today to get her needs met...that you're here to take care of her.Hope this helps and Namaste, "Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls" ~ ph --- Subject: eating for comfortTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Friday, April 3, 2009, 12:23 PM so I actually did very well at my parents' house -- bought my own food, ate when I was hungry and not otherwise. now, strangely, I am home and everything has gone to hell. I ate lots of candy on the plane for no reason. I woke up every couple of hours last night and ate cookies. etc. I guess it's not "no reason" -- it's to make myself feel better, right? Plane trips are stressful and there's literally nothing you can do for yourself. What's more, I brought my parents' old, neglected cat back with me so I could take better care of him. On top of the poor cat's problems, my husband is being kind of a dick about it, at least not very supportive. And I don't know why, because I asked him over and over if it was ok, and repeatedly said I would take "no" for an answer. I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to eat when I'm not hungry but I do because I think it will soothe me which it doesn't. thea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 I think most " foodies " really never learned how to care for themselves, how to ask for what they needed or how to meet their own needs.....food was the intermediary between all of that for most of us, and for most of our lives. , That is so true of me. I was never taught to do things as a child. My mother always did them for me and it made me so crippled as an adult and unable to care for myself. It's gotten better but is still there to some extent. I also have trouble asking for what I need. When I would ask my mom for something, she would often not want to do it. If I hinted about it or cried about it, she would always offer, but if I just went the normal way about it and asked, she usually wouldn't want to do whatever I was requesting whether it be loaning me money (which I didn't always end up paying back) or taking me somewhere or something else. I learned to not ask for things directly because of this and still have a very hard time asking for anything. I have another person in my life now who is similar to my mom in this respect so it just reinforces that old, " I can't ask for things directly " mentality. Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 How nice of you to take care of the kitty. I'm a cat lover and have two of them. As far as not eating when not hungry but wanting soothing, I would try to find something else to soothe yourself. I would also try writing about the feelings. You might try telling yourself that you will write first and then if you still want to eat afterwards, you can always do that. Knowing that you will have permission to eat after writing might make you more likely to write. Also, don't beat yourself up about it if you do end up eating. Just try to do better next time. Another thing that I do that helps is to remind myself that even if I'm not hungry now, it won't be too long until I am. If you know that you'll be able to eat within a few hours, it might help. Sharon Subject: eating for comfort To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Friday, April 3, 2009, 3:23 PM so I actually did very well at my parents' house -- bought my own food, ate when I was hungry and not otherwise. now, strangely, I am home and everything has gone to hell. I ate lots of candy on the plane for no reason. I woke up every couple of hours last night and ate cookies. etc. I guess it's not " no reason " -- it's to make myself feel better, right? Plane trips are stressful and there's literally nothing you can do for yourself. What's more, I brought my parents' old, neglected cat back with me so I could take better care of him. On top of the poor cat's problems, my husband is being kind of a dick about it, at least not very supportive. And I don't know why, because I asked him over and over if it was ok, and repeatedly said I would take " no " for an answer. I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to eat when I'm not hungry but I do because I think it will soothe me which it doesn't. thea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 Isn't it interesting Sharon, that I could have the same difficulty - asking for what I need - but I come from the opposite end of the 'capable' spectrum - I 'do' everything and for myself too. Being able to 'do' makes it hard for me to ask in that part of me thinks that I should/ought to be able to do whatever my request is anyway. And/or when I ask, I feel like am a whining little brat or incompetent, neither of which is really true. Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I also have trouble asking for what I need. When I would ask my mom for something, she would often not want to do it. If I hinted about it or cried about it, she would always offer, but if I just went the normal way about it and asked, she usually wouldn't want to do whatever I was requesting... > I learned to not ask for things directly because of this and still have a very hard time asking for anything. I have another person in my life now who is similar to my mom in this respect so it just reinforces that old, " I can't ask for things directly " mentality. > > Sharon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 4, 2009 Report Share Posted April 4, 2009 You guys are really nice and helpful. Now I have to work on thinking of ways to care for myself. I don't really have any close friends, I don't much like baths. The poor old cat, unfortunately, had to be put to sleep. We took him to the vet before the plane trip and she said he was well enough to travel, but once we got here we quickly saw that he was struggling and turned out to have heart failure. It's sad but he was 16 and well loved. As sad as I am about the kitty, it's brought some of these care-taking issues to the forefront of my mind. I paid a lot of attention to that cat and took care of him the best I could, just like I do my other cats and my husband. But who is taking care of me? Nobody. My husband didn't even come home after his work but went out with his friends. He says I should have told him if I wanted that, because he's not telepathic. But he knew I was upset because I'd called him. Do I have to ask for every little thing? I don't know who's right but I just find it depressing that there's really only me to care for me, and now I have to think of some non-food way to do it. Thea > > Subject: eating for comfort > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Date: Friday, April 3, 2009, 3:23 PM > > > so I actually did very well at my parents' house -- bought my own food, ate when I was hungry and not otherwise. now, strangely, I am home and everything has gone to hell. I ate lots of candy on the plane for no reason. I woke up every couple of hours last night and ate cookies. etc. > > I guess it's not " no reason " -- it's to make myself feel better, right? Plane trips are stressful and there's literally nothing you can do for yourself. What's more, I brought my parents' old, neglected cat back with me so I could take better care of him. On top of the poor cat's problems, my husband is being kind of a dick about it, at least not very supportive. And I don't know why, because I asked him over and over if it was ok, and repeatedly said I would take " no " for an answer. > > I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to eat when I'm not hungry but I do because I think it will soothe me which it doesn't. > > thea > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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