Re: Beyond frustrated!

December 7, 2009

I mostly lurk here and try to find things that help me. But I have to say I am

in the same boat as you and I too am frustrated. I too have had success with

Weight Watchers and went back a few months ago only to find that after working

on Intuitive Eating I found myself very resentful of WW. So I recommitted

myself to IE but I have gained weight and it's detrimental to my health and I'm

scared. I've been trying to find time to re-read parts of the book that will

help me but if anyone else has some insight -- please share.

>

> I am a newbie to the group, but not to the IE concept. However, as I've

> tried to put it back into practice I am just simply at my wits end and

> beyond frustrated! It seems like the more I try to eat when hungry and stop

> when full...the tighter my jeans fit and the more the numbers go up on the

> scale and the more I want to throw up when I see myself in a mirror. I

> really am THAT frustrated. THAT tired of being 40 lbs over-weight. And in

> the last 10 years the only thing that's shown me any kind of results was

> Weight Watchers. Although, I will readily admit that once I was no longer

> counting points I gained my weight back...so it did NOTHING for long-term

> results.

>

> I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't working. I'm

> so beyond frustrated...and I'll be the first to tell you, I'm beyond

> frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that have NOTHING

> to do with weight/eating...so this just compounds the problem. My husband

> is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4 year old

> daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth, the

> attitude, and the brattiness...so...like I said...seeing NO results w/ IE is

> like another gold star on my " YOU FAIL " chart! B/C daily I feel like I'm

> failing w/ the child and everything else.

>

> And...for the record...I truly HATE HATE HATE to exercise. Really loathe

> it. Yoga is fun for me...but in my teeny-tiny little place of residence

> they like to call a town...people think I'm talking about Yoda from Star

> Wars if I ask if there are any yoga classes! So...out of luck on that one.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts any of you might have.

>

> Robyn

>

December 7, 2009

Hi Robyn ... first of all .... BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!! You have a lot going on right now, missing your husband and dealing with a little girl who misses her daddy is a big thing!! I firmly believe that the foundation of IE is to deal with the root of your feelings that lead to eating rather than the symptom of your eating behavior, and I'm sensing a ton of frustration on being a 'single parent' for the first time, just at a time when your child is at the age to really push your buttons (I have 5 year old twins so I'm recently out of that phase myself . So my first advice is to see what boundaries and changes you can make in your day-to-day life that could help reduce that frustration... I don't know how much of this will feel helpful, but I do have a few suggestions as a mother of 4 on the IE path

1. as hard as it may be, choose a couple of rules for your daughter and be utterly consistent in their application (based on what drives you the most crazy!). She's testing the boundaries of this brave new world without Daddy, and the faster you establish boundaries on behavior, the easier it will be long-term. Some things that worked well for me with my daughter when she was 3 and I was going through a divorce:

* when in a store, whining and begging for something IMMEDIATELY turned " yes " into " no " , and I would tell her that it was the whining that made the answer no. This worked extremely quickly

* at home, when she had a tantrum to get her way, I told her that she could cry all she wanted - in her room - and that she could come down when she was feeling calmer. It's pretty easy to spot true sadness and I always answered that with hugs and love, but manipulative tears got her nowhere. She's 14 and still thinks I can read her mind

* NO TOLERANCE for back-talk and bratty behavior ... poor behavior leads to progressive loss of beloved games/objects. For my boys now, the worst thing that can happen is to take away computer priveleges, so they usually get 1 reminder (what behavior is expected), 1 warning (that on the " 3rd strike " I turn the computer off for the rest of the day), then follow-through with the consequence 100% of the time.

Suggestion #2 - it sounds like keeping the focus on " eat only when hungry and stop when full " isn't working very well for you right now, so why not focus on a different IE principle for a bit? My intuition is that pausing to ask yourself " why " you want to eat, and even taking a moment to write down the answers if you want to be that " formal " about it, may work better at this time for you. You may find yourself feeling driven to eat from feelings of frustration and loneliness more than hunger, and taking that moment to pause can give you an opportunity to choose other ways to solve the real issue.

I hope you don't mind the parenting advice, and ignore it if you don't like what I have to say .... it's just that my heart goes out to you in your situation as I remember those days (divorce, not deployment, but they have similarities LOL) ... and if nothing else know that you can always vent to us here or write me off-list if you want to rant a bit

hugs

Mikki

December 7, 2009

I don't know how IE of an answer this will be, but I hope that it is. I know there was some conversation of Thin Within here earlier. Thin Within changed the entire direction of my life - it was the only IE type thing at the time....I was 16, so it was almost 30 years ago. I can remember feeling exactly like you are feeling for a time. Judy (Halliday) used to say that if it 'isn't working', then look at your hunger numbers (am using the ones from the Thin Within concept). She was quite specific about this...if you were eating from 0-5 (hunger to satiety), you will lose weight. If you are eating, even some of the time, from 3-7 (sort of hungry to a little too full), you will maintain weight. If you eat from 5-10 (satisfied and not hungry to stuffed), you will gain weight. I got very serious with myself and asked myself that very question, and I realized that even though much of the time I was eating 0-5, there were plenty of times I was eating from 3-7, and sometimes eating even eating when I wasn't hungry at all. I wasn't stuffing myself anymore, but it occurred to me that if I was going to do this and see if she was right, I would have to eat from 0-5 for a period of time, 100%. And this may be the part that isn't very IE because I know we are supposed to be a little more flexible with ourselves, but I wanted to lose weight so badly. So, I made a little goal with myself. I said I was going to try this, and eat ONLY when I was a 0, and stop everytime at a 5 for 7 days and see what happened. Now, granted I was 16 and I'm sure my metabolism was much smoother running than it is now at 45, but I lost 8 lbs. that week. I ate exactly what I wanted....the foods I loved, and enjoyed the entire week. I didn't feel deprived, and it was such a good feeling, I wanted more. That weight didn't come back. As I reached the weight that was right for me, I was more able to occasionally eat from a 3 and not have it affect me much, because I ate from 0-5 most of the time. But in the beginning, to actually lose the weight, I had to eat 0-5. I hope this helps, and sending you E-hugs right now.

I am a newbie to the group, but not to the IE concept. However, as I've tried to put it back into practice I am just simply at my wits end and beyond frustrated! It seems like the more I try to eat when hungry and stop when full...the tighter my jeans fit and the more the numbers go up on the scale and the more I want to throw up when I see myself in a mirror. I really am THAT frustrated. THAT tired of being 40 lbs over-weight. And in the last 10 years the only thing that's shown me any kind of results was Weight Watchers. Although, I will readily admit that once I was no longer counting points I gained my weight back...so it did NOTHING for long-term results.

I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't working. I'm so beyond frustrated...and I'll be the first to tell you, I'm beyond frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that have NOTHING to do with weight/eating...so this just compounds the problem. My husband is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4 year old daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth, the attitude, and the brattiness...so...like I said...seeing NO results w/ IE is like another gold star on my " YOU FAIL " chart! B/C daily I feel like I'm failing w/ the child and everything else.

And...for the record...I truly HATE HATE HATE to exercise. Really loathe it. Yoga is fun for me...but in my teeny-tiny little place of residence they like to call a town...people think I'm talking about Yoda from Star Wars if I ask if there are any yoga classes! So...out of luck on that one.

Thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts any of you might have.Robyn

December 7, 2009

Mikki your feedback is GOLD. Not only is raising kids a lot of boundary setting,

IE is the same within one's self as well as with the 'outside' world too. Hang

in there Robyn, vent here as much as you like and hope you are able to find your

best IE path soon.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hi Robyn ... first of all .... BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!! You have a lot going on

> right now, missing your husband and dealing with a little girl who misses

> her daddy is a big thing!! I firmly believe that the foundation of IE is to

> deal with the root of your feelings that lead to eating rather than the

> symptom of your eating behavior, and I'm sensing a ton of frustration on

> being a 'single parent' for the first time, just at a time when your child

> is at the age to really push your buttons (I have 5 year old twins so I'm

> recently out of that phase myself . So my first advice is to see what

> boundaries and changes you can make in your day-to-day life that could help

> reduce that frustration... I don't know how much of this will feel helpful,

> but I do have a few suggestions as a mother of 4 on the IE path

> 1. as hard as it may be, choose a couple of rules for your daughter and be

> utterly consistent in their application (based on what drives you the most

> crazy!). She's testing the boundaries of this brave new world without

> Daddy, and the faster you establish boundaries on behavior, the easier it

> will be long-term. Some things that worked well for me with my daughter

> when she was 3 and I was going through a divorce:

> * when in a store, whining and begging for something IMMEDIATELY turned

> " yes " into " no " , and I would tell her that it was the whining that made the

> answer no. This worked extremely quickly

> * at home, when she had a tantrum to get her way, I told her that she

> could cry all she wanted - in her room - and that she could come down when

> she was feeling calmer. It's pretty easy to spot true sadness and I always

> answered that with hugs and love, but manipulative tears got her nowhere.

> She's 14 and still thinks I can read her mind

> * NO TOLERANCE for back-talk and bratty behavior ... poor behavior leads

> to progressive loss of beloved games/objects. For my boys now, the worst

> thing that can happen is to take away computer priveleges, so they usually

> get 1 reminder (what behavior is expected), 1 warning (that on the " 3rd

> strike " I turn the computer off for the rest of the day), then

> follow-through with the consequence 100% of the time.

>

> Suggestion #2 - it sounds like keeping the focus on " eat only when hungry

> and stop when full " isn't working very well for you right now, so why not

> focus on a different IE principle for a bit? My intuition is that pausing

> to ask yourself " why " you want to eat, and even taking a moment to write

> down the answers if you want to be that " formal " about it, may work better

> at this time for you. You may find yourself feeling driven to eat from

> feelings of frustration and loneliness more than hunger, and taking that

> moment to pause can give you an opportunity to choose other ways to solve

> the real issue.

>

> I hope you don't mind the parenting advice, and ignore it if you don't like

> what I have to say .... it's just that my heart goes out to you in your

> situation as I remember those days (divorce, not deployment, but they have

> similarities LOL) ... and if nothing else know that you can always vent to

> us here or write me off-list if you want to rant a bit

>

> hugs

> Mikki

>

December 7, 2009

, thank you thank you thank you for sharing this excellent insight into

practicing IE. I have been maintaining for about a year or so now. That in

itself is a blessing and relief from unnecessarily beating myself up over my

'weight'. Coming to peace with food in general is another wonderful thing too.

But the reminder of 'eating between 3-7' (0-10 scale) really hit home. That's so

what I do! And while I shudder to think of twisting IE into a 'diet' (very easy

and often done as a newbie), how can one really know 0-5 unless you experience

it, and long enough too, for that to be felt and appreciated by our bodies and

minds?

Thanks again for sharing and inspiring too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> >

> > I am a newbie to the group, but not to the IE concept. However, as I've

> > tried to put it back into practice I am just simply at my wits end and

> > beyond frustrated! It seems like the more I try to eat when hungry and stop

> > when full...the tighter my jeans fit and the more the numbers go up on the

> > scale and the more I want to throw up when I see myself in a mirror. I

> > really am THAT frustrated. THAT tired of being 40 lbs over-weight. And in

> > the last 10 years the only thing that's shown me any kind of results was

> > Weight Watchers. Although, I will readily admit that once I was no longer

> > counting points I gained my weight back...so it did NOTHING for long-term

> > results.

> >

> > I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't working. I'm

> > so beyond frustrated...and I'll be the first to tell you, I'm beyond

> > frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that have NOTHING

> > to do with weight/eating...so this just compounds the problem. My husband

> > is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4 year old

> > daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth, the

> > attitude, and the brattiness...so...like I said...seeing NO results w/ IE is

> > like another gold star on my " YOU FAIL " chart! B/C daily I feel like I'm

> > failing w/ the child and everything else.

> >

> > And...for the record...I truly HATE HATE HATE to exercise. Really loathe

> > it. Yoga is fun for me...but in my teeny-tiny little place of residence

> > they like to call a town...people think I'm talking about Yoda from Star

> > Wars if I ask if there are any yoga classes! So...out of luck on that one.

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts any of you might have.

> >

> > Robyn

> >

>

December 7, 2009

Robyn,

I hear your frustration. I really liked

some suggestions made to you by others. Let me talk about exercise and its benefits.

It sounds like that is something you could really use. Exercise is more than

losing weight – the endorphins that

are released when you are finished, are similar to prescription depression

meds. Exercise is a proven scientific mood lifter! Sounds like you could use

some stress relief, mood lifting, etc.!

I would recommend DVD’s for you. Biggest

Loser has a new Yoga DVD that looks good. I really like Bob, the trainer, and like his

advice. I’m sure there are other

Yoga DVD’s out there. I like www.collagevideo.com.

You can watch clips of exercise videos before purchasing to see if it looks

like something you might enjoy. Try your local library – ours has exercise DVD’s and videos available for check out (free) so that might be an

affordable place to start also.

With the eating I don’t have as much advice...I struggle in this area too. I’ve dieted for so many years and have felt so rebellious against my

mother, and diets, that it’s hard for me to stop the bingeing, which is rebellious behavior.

What recently worked for me is telling myself:

“I am worth it”.

“I don’t have to beat myself up and harm myself by overeating, stuffing

myself, and eating out of hunger.” “I am worth positive

change.”

“I deserve to be taken care of.”

“I deserve to take care of myself.”

“I love myself enough to make good choices, which benefit my body,

instead of harming.”

When I look at

overeating/stuffing/bingeing/eating outside of hunger as causing HARM/DANGER to

my body, and not REBELLION/CHEATING/SNEAKING...then I get a paradigm shift of

sorts. Lately the “shift” has only lasted from a couple days to a week, before I slip back

into mindless stuffing/bingeing/overeating.

But I keep thinking if I keep trying the

“good” days will eventually overtake the “bad”.

I, too, struggle daily with wanting to

diet – and seeing others

dieting – and working in a

gym....and truthfully diets have been the ONLY thing (so far) that has taken

weight off. And I need to lose a good 30 pounds......BUT! I’ve also re-gained weight with every diet, and I am just as

mentally screwed up today as I have always been – and really a goal is PEACE. Yes, I want the weight loss, but I

also want the self-love, self-acceptance, and peace with food.

So I need to learn to be content with a

slower rate of weight loss....and to quit purposefully harming myself with poor

food choices and decisions.

Another tip....no matter how POOR of a

choice you make with your food...the very NEXT choice can be a good

one. One poor choice doesn’t have to “ruin” a whole day, or whole

week. You are always just one choice away, one good decision away...from

turning your life around.

And this really is about your LIFE. Not a diet. Not a

smaller size. Not losing 5 pounds. Your life.

Enjoy the journey – I’m on the road with you!

Jolene

Beyond frustrated!

I am a newbie to the

group, but not to the IE concept. However, as I've tried to put it back

into practice I am just simply at my wits end and beyond frustrated! It

seems like the more I try to eat when hungry and stop when full...the tighter

my jeans fit and the more the numbers go up on the scale and the more I want to

throw up when I see myself in a mirror. I really am THAT

frustrated. THAT tired of being 40 lbs over-weight. And in the last

10 years the only thing that's shown me any kind of results was Weight

Watchers. Although, I will readily admit that once I was no longer

counting points I gained my weight back...so it did NOTHING for long-term

results.

I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't

working. I'm so beyond frustrated...and I'll be the first to tell

you, I'm beyond frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that

have NOTHING to do with weight/eating...so this just compounds the problem.

My husband is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4

year old daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth,

the attitude, and the brattiness...so...like I said...seeing NO results w/

IE is like another gold star on my " YOU FAIL " chart! B/C daily

I feel like I'm failing w/ the child and everything else.

And...for the record...I truly HATE HATE HATE to exercise. Really loathe

it. Yoga is fun for me...but in my teeny-tiny little place of residence

they like to call a town...people think I'm talking about Yoda from Star Wars

if I ask if there are any yoga classes! So...out of luck on that

one.

Thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts any of you might have.

Robyn

December 7, 2009

Hi Robyn,

My heart goes out to you; sounds so overwhelming to have your husband deployed and suddenly you are a single parent of a child who sounds like she may be acting up a bit; maybe she's also upset about your husband/her father being deployed? Well, that said, it doesn't make it easier for you to parent! I really feel for you; this is a challenging situation! Do you have anyone you can talk with? Friend, counselor, pastor? It's great that you have vented here!!

As far as IE and diets; you're right that weight watchers does give you a temporary success, but how heart-breaking is it every time the weight comes back on? Diets never provide permanent solutions.

What I am wondering is this; is the weight gain a rebound from a diet you've just come off of? Because if it is that, then it's not that IE isn't working, it's just that everyone gains back what they lost on a diet. But that's not cause for panic and alarm, because as you continue to become successful at IE, I am absolutely sure that your weight will return to whatever is a natural, healthy weight for your body. I think it's important to just kind of take a leap of faith when it comes to IE. I think it's important to realize that diets don't work and just take a big leap of faith and say, I'll never diet again! And i won't tune in too much to temporary weight fluctuations, but instead will trust my body to come to it's natural, healthy weight; that will happen as I work the IE approach and become better and better at applying it's prinicples in my life.

I think we're so bombarded with this "perfect" ideal body size in our society and we all end up comparing ourselves to that, and then we all end up with a very unrealistic goal for ourselves re. what we want our body to look like. I think this societal norm is very, very sick!!! I think part of coming to a self-acceptance of one's body has to do with critiqueing this crazy standard and rejecting it.

Two great books for that are "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" by Hirshman and Munter, and one I've just started to read, "The Religion of Thinness" by M. Lelwica.

There are lots of ways to succeed at IE, but there are also little detours; example, if I use eating only when hungry like a diet, saying "I should only eat when hungry", that will create a feeling of restriction and then I may end up overeating. Also if I don't give myself full permission to eat whatever I want then I will still be restricting certain foods, and that's a sure way to rebell eventually and overeat.

What I like to do is say that I'd love to eat when hungry, and if I have stresses and emotions that I can sit with, journal about, talk about, or if need be distract myself from, without food, that's great because then I will be able to eat when hungry. But if I can't do this and need food to cope, then I will absolutely give myself full permission to eat and will not judge or yell at myself but will instead be a curious nonjudgmental observer to try and figure out what's going on. I will also do my absolute best to eat mindfully, instead of mindlessly shoving food in. I find a really compassionate and permissive attitude really does short-circuit the binging and I really do get back to eating when hungry much sooner!

I'd recommend you re-read the IE book, which you may already be doing, and then don't hesitate to post any questions you have about the approach, or anything else for that matter.

These ideas all work for me, and I don't know if they will be helpful for you. I'm working another program simultaneously and they say "be your own guru", so keep that in mind as you think about my advice :.) Because I love giving advice, lol!

Good luck,

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 8:57:02 AMSubject: Beyond frustrated!

I am a newbie to the group, but not to the IE concept. However, as I've tried to put it back into practice I am just simply at my wits end and beyond frustrated! It seems like the more I try to eat when hungry and stop when full...the tighter my jeans fit and the more the numbers go up on the scale and the more I want to throw up when I see myself in a mirror. I really am THAT frustrated. THAT tired of being 40 lbs over-weight. And in the last 10 years the only thing that's shown me any kind of results was Weight Watchers. Although, I will readily admit that once I was no longer counting points I gained my weight back...so it did NOTHING for long-term results. I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't working. I'm so beyond frustrated.. .and I'll be the first to tell you, I'm beyond frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that have NOTHING to do with

weight/eating. ..so this just compounds the problem. My husband is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4 year old daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth, the attitude, and the brattiness.. .so...like I said...seeing NO results w/ IE is like another gold star on my "YOU FAIL" chart! B/C daily I feel like I'm failing w/ the child and everything else.

December 7, 2009

Hi ,

I think Judy was probably saying a zero is when you just feel hunger? She didn't mean totally famished, right? lol Because if she meant hunger then i totally agree with that for all the times that we are able to do it and cope with feelings and issues without food, but I don't agree with making it a strict "diet-like" mentality, because some of us can always cope without food, and some of us can cope without food some of the time, and we need to be loving and gentle with ourselves until that time when we are mostly able to cope without food; we can't beat ourselves with a stick to cope in other ways; we have to lovingly and nurturingly teach ourselves the skills of sitting with feelings, journaling, etc. Otherwise it's just use of sheer willpower, same as dieting. That won't work for everyone even if it did for you. If we "force' ourselves to eat only when hungry and we aren't ready to cope with emotions/stresses

without food all the time, then it will backfire for those of us who aren't ready.

I am able about 95% of the time, but that's because I spent 15 years in the non-dieting approach, Overcoming Overeating, which is extremely similar to IE.

If someone really wants to learn intuitive eating and trust in self around food, then don't restrict or be strict; come at it from a gentle, self-nurturing point of view.

There will come a time when it's easy, most of the time, to eat when just hungry and stop when just full, but this is gradual and can't be learned in a day; it's not a diet.

I know this is very opinionated; I feel very strongly about it. I hate to see anyone continue with this society's obsession with thin and weight obsession and hate of body!

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 10:05:32 AMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

I don't know how IE of an answer this will be, but I hope that it is. I know there was some conversation of Thin Within here earlier. Thin Within changed the entire direction of my life - it was the only IE type thing at the time....I was 16, so it was almost 30 years ago. I can remember feeling exactly like you are feeling for a time. Judy (Halliday) used to say that if it 'isn't working', then look at your hunger numbers (am using the ones from the Thin Within concept). She was quite specific about this...if you were eating from 0-5 (hunger to satiety), you will lose weight. If you are eating, even some of the time, from 3-7 (sort of hungry to a little too full), you will maintain weight. If you eat from 5-10 (satisfied and not hungry to stuffed), you will gain weight. I got very serious with myself and asked myself that very question, and I realized that even though much of the time I was eating 0-5,

there were plenty of times I was eating from 3-7, and sometimes eating even eating when I wasn't hungry at all. I wasn't stuffing myself anymore, but it occurred to me that if I was going to do this and see if she was right, I would have to eat from 0-5 for a period of time, 100%. And this may be the part that isn't very IE because I know we are supposed to be a little more flexible with ourselves, but I wanted to lose weight so badly. So, I made a little goal with myself. I said I was going to try this, and eat ONLY when I was a 0, and stop everytime at a 5 for 7 days and see what happened. Now, granted I was 16 and I'm sure my metabolism was much smoother running than it is now at 45, but I lost 8 lbs. that week. I ate exactly what I wanted....the foods I loved, and enjoyed the entire week. I didn't feel deprived, and it was such a good feeling, I wanted more. That weight didn't come back. As I

reached the weight that was right for me, I was more able to occasionally eat from a 3 and not have it affect me much, because I ate from 0-5 most of the time. But in the beginning, to actually lose the weight, I had to eat 0-5. I hope this helps, and sending you E-hugs right now.

December 7, 2009

Hi Robyn,

For the kid part –

I highly recommend Love and Logic. Practical, humorous and very

easy to follow.

http://www.loveandlogic.com/

I am new to IE – so not much help on that part…

Best wishes,

Amie

From: IntuitiveEating_Support

[mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of Robyn

Wells

Sent: Monday, December 07, 2009 5:57 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Beyond frustrated!

I am a newbie to the group, but not to the IE

concept. However, as I've tried to put it back into practice I am just

simply at my wits end and beyond frustrated! It seems like the more I try

to eat when hungry and stop when full...the tighter my jeans fit and the more

the numbers go up on the scale and the more I want to throw up when I see

myself in a mirror. I really am THAT frustrated. THAT tired of

being 40 lbs over-weight. And in the last 10 years the only thing that's

shown me any kind of results was Weight Watchers. Although, I will

readily admit that once I was no longer counting points I gained my weight

back...so it did NOTHING for long-term results.

I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't

working. I'm so beyond frustrated...and I'll be the first to tell you,

I'm beyond frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that have

NOTHING to do with weight/eating...so this just compounds the problem. My

husband is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4 year

old daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth, the

attitude, and the brattiness...so...like I said...seeing NO results w/ IE is

like another gold star on my " YOU FAIL " chart! B/C daily I feel

like I'm failing w/ the child and everything else.

And...for the record...I truly HATE HATE HATE to exercise. Really loathe

it. Yoga is fun for me...but in my teeny-tiny little place of residence

they like to call a town...people think I'm talking about Yoda from Star Wars

if I ask if there are any yoga classes! So...out of luck on that

one.

Thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts any of you might have.

Robyn

December 7, 2009

" When I look at overeating/stuffing/bingeing/eating outside of hunger as

causing HARM/DANGER to my body, and not REBELLION/CHEATING/SNEAKING...then I

get a paradigm shift of sorts. "

Some one mentioned this in a response and I want to respond. It made me think

of times this week or in past weeks when I've felt " deprived " by eating between

hunger and satiety. It's the old mindset of overeating is GOOD for me. How

wacked is that? I guess I am missing out of the pleasure/distraction of excess

food, but truly, I'm not deprived of food, nor am I starving. Eating and being

in tune with my body and dealing with my emotions/beliefs is a gift to myself.

I can actually live! This weekend I was sitting at Starbucks with my family and

was enjoying the snow falling. I had such incredible peace. I wasn't bogged

down with all the food paranoia/guilt/shame. I have been eating intuitively and

dealing with life/feelings, etc. I actually have room to enjoy the snow, the

hot tea, my family, and the peace that comes from listening to my BODY. BTW, as

long as I am not willing to deal with my feelings, I'm not willing to deal with

my feelings of hunger/satiety/physical reactions to different foods either.

Excess food has meant shut out everything b/c I don't want to feel.

If I'm physically " deprived " by eating intuitively (which I'm not), then I'll

take that kind of " deprivation " because it allows me to gain a life of peace

that I can enjoy.

One more thing...I think I may have lost weight. I have thoughts of getting on

the scale. But either way, it can be a trap. If I get on and have only lost x

amount, I could be sad. Or I could get on and have lost more and start thinking

the weight loss impacts/defines my acceptance. I am so acceptable right where I

am, right now. That scale isn't going to do anything for me. I don't want to

know. If my pants fall off me, I'll put something else on.

December 7, 2009

Hi Laurie,First, I was a little worried my post would sound like diet mentality....I want to emphasize that when I focused that period of time on eating from 0-5 100%, what I did was stay extremely focused, and pay attention to my emotions, and try to 100% of the time figure out why I had an urge to eat when I wasn't hungry, or be gentle with myself with self-care, or what have you. I most definitely did not treat it as a diet, though I know it could sound that way. What I did truly was just agree with myself to stay completely focused for at least one week, just to see what happened. One week, to stay 100% focused, seemed ok to me, and what it showed me was that eating 0-5 works, that I could eat anything I wanted, and that I had to deal with things as they came up and really try to problem-solve, but that I could do it. It definitely wasn't a will power week....in fact, I hate those words, will power. Judy used to call it 'won't power', LOL. I didn't muscle through....I just made an agreement with myself to make it happen for one week. I got to eat anything I wanted....it was great - there was no forcing myself or deprivation....just paying attention. As far as what Judy meant by 0, she explained it as empty, definitely hungry, needing to nourish, but not famished. So, that experiment I had with myself was a joyful, wonderful experience because I took so much time to be gentle with myself....I hope that makes sense. I did worry that I wouldn't explain it exactly right, so I hope that clears it up a little.

Hugs,

Hi ,

I think Judy was probably saying a zero is when you just feel hunger? She didn't mean totally famished, right? lol Because if she meant hunger then i totally agree with that for all the times that we are able to do it and cope with feelings and issues without food, but I don't agree with making it a strict " diet-like " mentality, because some of us can always cope without food, and some of us can cope without food some of the time, and we need to be loving and gentle with ourselves until that time when we are mostly able to cope without food; we can't beat ourselves with a stick to cope in other ways; we have to lovingly and nurturingly teach ourselves the skills of sitting with feelings, journaling, etc. Otherwise it's just use of sheer willpower, same as dieting. That won't work for everyone even if it did for you. If we " force' ourselves to eat only when hungry and we aren't ready to cope with emotions/stresses

without food all the time, then it will backfire for those of us who aren't ready.

I am able about 95% of the time, but that's because I spent 15 years in the non-dieting approach, Overcoming Overeating, which is extremely similar to IE.

If someone really wants to learn intuitive eating and trust in self around food, then don't restrict or be strict; come at it from a gentle, self-nurturing point of view.

There will come a time when it's easy, most of the time, to eat when just hungry and stop when just full, but this is gradual and can't be learned in a day; it's not a diet.

I know this is very opinionated; I feel very strongly about it. I hate to see anyone continue with this society's obsession with thin and weight obsession and hate of body!

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 10:05:32 AMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

I don't know how IE of an answer this will be, but I hope that it is. I know there was some conversation of Thin Within here earlier. Thin Within changed the entire direction of my life - it was the only IE type thing at the time....I was 16, so it was almost 30 years ago. I can remember feeling exactly like you are feeling for a time. Judy (Halliday) used to say that if it 'isn't working', then look at your hunger numbers (am using the ones from the Thin Within concept). She was quite specific about this...if you were eating from 0-5 (hunger to satiety), you will lose weight. If you are eating, even some of the time, from 3-7 (sort of hungry to a little too full), you will maintain weight. If you eat from 5-10 (satisfied and not hungry to stuffed), you will gain weight. I got very serious with myself and asked myself that very question, and I realized that even though much of the time I was eating 0-5,

there were plenty of times I was eating from 3-7, and sometimes eating even eating when I wasn't hungry at all. I wasn't stuffing myself anymore, but it occurred to me that if I was going to do this and see if she was right, I would have to eat from 0-5 for a period of time, 100%. And this may be the part that isn't very IE because I know we are supposed to be a little more flexible with ourselves, but I wanted to lose weight so badly. So, I made a little goal with myself. I said I was going to try this, and eat ONLY when I was a 0, and stop everytime at a 5 for 7 days and see what happened. Now, granted I was 16 and I'm sure my metabolism was much smoother running than it is now at 45, but I lost 8 lbs. that week. I ate exactly what I wanted....the foods I loved, and enjoyed the entire week. I didn't feel deprived, and it was such a good feeling, I wanted more. That weight didn't come back. As I

reached the weight that was right for me, I was more able to occasionally eat from a 3 and not have it affect me much, because I ate from 0-5 most of the time. But in the beginning, to actually lose the weight, I had to eat 0-5. I hope this helps, and sending you E-hugs right now.

December 7, 2009

Robyn,

In " When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies " the authors say that any " bad body

thought " is really a cover-up for other things going on in our life. Every time

you think some bad thought about yourself, maybe you could just acknowledge to

yourself that you have a lot of life stress right now, and then say something

nice about your body.

Treat yourself nicely right now. Take candlelit baths. Read a nice book.

Cuddle up with your daughter (who's probably under as much stress as you right

now) and your hubby on the couch. Let the housework go as much as you can.

Reassure your daughter who might feel a bit abandoned right now. Buy clothes

that fit you nicely without restricting you (even if you have to go to the

salvation army).

Give yourself permission to gain weight, or eat too much right now. This too

shall pass.

Sara