Guest guest Posted January 10, 2005 Report Share Posted January 10, 2005 I am really jazzed for those of you that got your dates set to go in and start your new life....... my mom just came to me and wants me to put it off until much later because she needs my help with my dad, he had a storke in july and he is 79 yrs old and she cant do it herself, I told her that it would only be 6 weeks or so, then she brought up the fact that she can not take care of the kids too, to wait til summer and send the off, but I know thats not going to happen....where would I send all 4 kids and beside they're my kids. Am I just being greedy or self centered?? I always heard you should take care of yourself first...I don't even know how long it'll be until I actually have the surgery. Please give me some feedback on what you all would do in my sitaution please!!!, Thanks, God Bless! and Perris, CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2005 Report Share Posted January 10, 2005 I would move forward...there will always be a " reason " to delay. You do have to put yourself first. Huggles > > I am really jazzed for those of you that got your dates set to go in > and start your new life....... my mom just came to me and wants me to > put it off until much later because she needs my help with my dad, he > had a storke in july and he is 79 yrs old and she cant do it herself, > I told her that it would only be 6 weeks or so, then she brought up > the fact that she can not take care of the kids too, to wait til > summer and send the off, but I know thats not going to > happen....where would I send all 4 kids and beside they're my kids. > Am I just being greedy or self centered?? I always heard you should > take care of yourself first...I don't even know how long it'll be > until I actually have the surgery. Please give me some feedback on > what you all would do in my sitaution please!!!, Thanks, God Bless! > > and > Perris, CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2005 Report Share Posted January 10, 2005 : As you've read on the boards, sometimes this process takes quite a while. You have to go through all of the steps, including losing the 10%. Depending upon which Kaiser you are at, that 10% starts either after your initial orientation (which some have had to wait for up to three months just to get that, AFTER the referral has been approved), or after your initial consultation (which could be even longer than 3 months away). So by the time you lose enough weight to be able to do this, it might already be summer anyway! How old are your children? From what I've heard, most people go back to work in two to three weeks...so I don't see why taking care of your kids will be a big problem, unless you have an infant. Do you have a sister or a neighbor or a friend who might be able to help? And if you do it first, can't help out? What you will need to be careful about is lifting heavy things (from what I've heard). So, if by "helping" with your father, she means lifting him up...well that's a different story. It may take longer. The thing is...if you have kids that are of a certain age, perhaps the older ones can help out a bit more for a short period of time. After all, in the long run, you will be much more fit, energetic, and able to handle your maternal duties, as well as help out your mother with the care of your father. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. You need to be healthy in order to carry such a heavy plate around. Worse case scenario, you could probably have your father put in a nursing home for two months or so. If it is a temporary thing, it might not be so traumatic for your parents...as long as they know they will be coming back to stay with you as soon as you are up and able...and have lost a bit of weight and are full of energy. Check out obesityhelp.com and read some of the journals. You can go to "photos" to the before and after section, and click on any of the pictures. Many people have really taken you through step by step as they go through their journey. You'll get an idea about what to expect regarding your energy level. People pretty consistently get a surge of energy after about a month or so...they find that they are more energetic than they have been in years. The bottom line is that whether you decide to have surgery, or you decide to try to "do it on your own", you MUST draw a line in the sand. You have to have sufficient boundaries to be able to take time for yourself: time to exercise, plan healthy meals, self-nurture so that you can handle your life stresses without turning to food...That is time that you deserve. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty about that, it's just WRONG. Your mom is scared, and she's used to having you around to help. She worries you won't recover. She's not able to look ahead and think about how much better you will be able to help both of them if you capture your health. You'll be a better mom, a better fiance, a better daughter...and most importantly, you'll be better to YOURSELF. I don't know your mother...but I know that a lot of mothers are really good at putting guilt trips on their kids when their kids are doing something other than being the "obedient little child." If obedience means that you don't matter at all...that your health and happiness just don't count...well be a rebel. Forget obedience. Choose health. Choose life. My two cents. Off the soapbox now. Diane Duenas wrote: I would move forward...there will always be a "reason" to delay. You do have to put yourself first.Huggles> > I am really jazzed for those of you that got your dates set to go in > and start your new life....... my mom just came to me and wants me to > put it off until much later because she needs my help with my dad, he > had a storke in july and he is 79 yrs old and she cant do it herself, > I told her that it would only be 6 weeks or so, then she brought up > the fact that she can not take care of the kids too, to wait til > summer and send the off, but I know thats not going to > happen....where would I send all 4 kids and beside they're my kids. > Am I just being greedy or self centered?? I always heard you should > take care of yourself first...I don't even know how long it'll be > until I actually have the surgery. Please give me some feedback on > what you all would do in my sitaution please!!!, Thanks, God Bless!> > and > Perris, CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2005 Report Share Posted January 10, 2005 Well, it's obviously a tough decision. I would say, however, that it sounds to me like if you wait for the " right " time, you'll be waiting a LONG time! I think too many of us put everyone else and their needs, ahead of our own. Some of that is okay, but only to an extent. We do need to make sure that our own needs get met. Is this because of low self esteem or what? I dunno, but it does seem to be a problem for a lot of us. I guess I'd say if you ain't taking care of yourself, you can't do anything for anyone else! Mom needs your help taking care of Dad? What's she going to do if you get sick? Your own health is at risk with morbid obesity. Just my two cents worth, and worth every penny you've paid. Hang in there, and keep us posted! I at least will support you whatever your decision. After all, it has to be just that -- YOUR decision! Colene Gibbons Whatley wrote: >I am really jazzed for those of you that got your dates set to go in >and start your new life....... my mom just came to me and wants me to >put it off until much later because she needs my help with my dad, he >had a storke in july and he is 79 yrs old and she cant do it herself, >I told her that it would only be 6 weeks or so, then she brought up >the fact that she can not take care of the kids too, to wait til >summer and send the off, but I know thats not going to >happen....where would I send all 4 kids and beside they're my kids. >Am I just being greedy or self centered?? I always heard you should >take care of yourself first...I don't even know how long it'll be >until I actually have the surgery. Please give me some feedback on >what you all would do in my sitaution please!!!, Thanks, God Bless! > > -- Eleanor Oster eleanor@... (personal address) www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm Berkeley, CA Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) 05/09/2003 319 Orientation 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery Current <160 Goal until plastics? Goal 140-150? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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