Re: Re: Beyond frustrated!

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I just gave a bunch of ideas to Robyn, because I love giving advice, which can be considered a strength or a weakness, lol! But anyway, maybe some of it could be helpful to you.

I think, yes you're right to resent weight watchers; you know any weight loss is temporary and weight will be regained. And also the resentment comes from the fact that it's an outside, external force telling you what to do with your body; it's actually a boundary violation. Part of you resents it because you want to be able to trust that YOU are your own best source of knowledge about your own body, and you know how to feed and nourish it!

We all do know; as they say in IE, we all had the ability as babies or toddlers, but things happened to take us away from our instinctive knowledge of how to feed ourselves. But I believe we can regain that in IE.

Good luck,

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 9:22:25 AMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

I mostly lurk here and try to find things that help me. But I have to say I am in the same boat as you and I too am frustrated. I too have had success with Weight Watchers and went back a few months ago only to find that after working on Intuitive Eating I found myself very resentful of WW. So I recommitted myself to IE but I have gained weight and it's detrimental to my health and I'm scared. I've been trying to find time to re-read parts of the book that will help me but if anyone else has some insight -- please share.

[Guest guest]

Hi laurie,I really like the idea that any time I feel resentment it is an indicator of a boundary violation- I have housework-resentment issues LOL and its eye-opening to consider it that way!MikkiSent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryDate: Mon, 7 Dec 2009 08:16:17 -0800 (PST)To: <IntuitiveEating_Support >Subject: Re: Re: Beyond frustrated! Hi, I just gave a bunch of ideas to Robyn, because I love giving advice, which can be considered a strength or a weakness, lol! But anyway, maybe some of it could be helpful to you. I think, yes you're right to resent weight watchers; you know any weight loss is temporary and weight will be regained. And also the resentment comes from the fact that it's an outside, external force telling you what to do with your body; it's actually a boundary violation. Part of you resents it because you want to be able to trust that YOU are your own best source of knowledge about your own body, and you know how to feed and nourish it! We all do know; as they say in IE, we all had the ability as babies or toddlers, but things happened to take us away from our instinctive knowledge of how to feed ourselves. But I believe we can regain that in IE. Good luck,LaurieFrom: anitagoodman66 <anitagoodman66>To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 9:22:25 AMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated! I mostly lurk here and try to find things that help me. But I have to say I am in the same boat as you and I too am frustrated. I too have had success with Weight Watchers and went back a few months ago only to find that after working on Intuitive Eating I found myself very resentful of WW. So I recommitted myself to IE but I have gained weight and it's detrimental to my health and I'm scared. I've been trying to find time to re-read parts of the book that will help me but if anyone else has some insight -- please share.

[Guest guest]

Hi Mikki,

Yes, I have the very same housework-resentment issues! I never thought of housework in this way though, lol.

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 11:38:32 AMSubject: Re: Re: Beyond frustrated!

Hi laurie,I really like the idea that any time I feel resentment it is an indicator of a boundary violation- I have housework-resentmen t issues LOL and its eye-opening to consider it that way!Mikki

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

[Guest guest]

Hi,

It's all in the attitude; I eat 95% of the time because of hunger and stop when just full or satisfied; just satiated, and no I don't feel a bit deprived; I think it's the best thing I could do for myself.

and 95% of the time I deal with emotions/feelings without turning to food and I think that's wonderful also.

Not everyone is at the same place in their IE journey and I think people have to come to this point, where I or you are at, in a self-compassionate and self-nurturing way.

If someone is ready and able to pause and journal and sit with feelings and deal with them without food most of the time that is awesome, but if there's a time where they've done their very best to do this and still ended up turning to food, then they have to be understanding and non-judgmental.

what I like to do is say, "I am allowed to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, and it's nobody elses business." "I prefer to wait til hungry and want to wait because food tastes a lot better that way and I'm providing nourishment when I need it" "I will do my best to journal and sit with feelings." "I will cope without food as often as I can, but if there's a time i do decide to eat when not hungry, I will allow it without guilt or judgment".

This way it's not like a "diet" and if you think, "I should always eat only when hungry" that becomes a rule, and what happens then if you break the rule? Well the "what the hell?, I blew it attitude" could result and then a binge. No, better to eat mindfully and allow those times of eating when not hungry than to take a black and white, all or none approach to this.

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 11:53:56 AMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

"When I look at overeating/stuffing /bingeing/ eating outside of hunger ascausing HARM/DANGER to my body, and not REBELLION/CHEATING/ SNEAKING. ..then Iget a paradigm shift of sorts."Some one mentioned this in a response and I want to respond. It made me think of times this week or in past weeks when I've felt "deprived" by eating between hunger and satiety. It's the old mindset of overeating is GOOD for me. How wacked is that? I guess I am missing out of the pleasure/distractio n of excess food, but truly, I'm not deprived of food, nor am I starving.

[Guest guest]

You are reminding me of the other thing I wanted to say which was that Judy was trying to point out to us that we needed to be truthful and honest with ourselves about our eating (not as punishment, but as awareness).  When I get confused about why things aren't working for me sometimes, I go right back to this very simple way to look at it....am I truly eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I've had enough?  So, I'm glad that part helped, and I hope I cleared things up in my post to Laurie that it definitely wasn't a diet, but just a very focused week on myself...wanting to see what eating like a thin person was all about, and it really opened my eyes and taught me so much about myself, and what I was capable of....and with that in mind, what you said about " how can one really know 0-5 unless you experience it and long enough too " was kind of what I was trying to say.  Sometimes I don't really express myself perfectly in email form, especially when I have kids coming up behind me yelling " Mom " and I lose my train of thought, LOL.

 

, thank you thank you thank you for sharing this excellent insight into practicing IE. I have been maintaining for about a year or so now. That in itself is a blessing and relief from unnecessarily beating myself up over my 'weight'. Coming to peace with food in general is another wonderful thing too. But the reminder of 'eating between 3-7' (0-10 scale) really hit home. That's so what I do! And while I shudder to think of twisting IE into a 'diet' (very easy and often done as a newbie), how can one really know 0-5 unless you experience it, and long enough too, for that to be felt and appreciated by our bodies and minds?

Thanks again for sharing and inspiring too.

ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> >

> >

> > I am a newbie to the group, but not to the IE concept. However, as I've

> > tried to put it back into practice I am just simply at my wits end and

> > beyond frustrated! It seems like the more I try to eat when hungry and stop

> > when full...the tighter my jeans fit and the more the numbers go up on the

> > scale and the more I want to throw up when I see myself in a mirror. I

> > really am THAT frustrated. THAT tired of being 40 lbs over-weight. And in

> > the last 10 years the only thing that's shown me any kind of results was

> > Weight Watchers. Although, I will readily admit that once I was no longer

> > counting points I gained my weight back...so it did NOTHING for long-term

> > results.

> >

> > I just don't know what to do! And I don't get why this isn't working. I'm

> > so beyond frustrated...and I'll be the first to tell you, I'm beyond

> > frustrated w/ about 18 other things in my life right now that have NOTHING

> > to do with weight/eating...so this just compounds the problem. My husband

> > is active duty Army and deployed leaving me to single-parent our 4 year old

> > daughter who has me at my wits end right now w/ the drama, the mouth, the

> > attitude, and the brattiness...so...like I said...seeing NO results w/ IE is

> > like another gold star on my " YOU FAIL " chart! B/C daily I feel like I'm

> > failing w/ the child and everything else.

> >

> > And...for the record...I truly HATE HATE HATE to exercise. Really loathe

> > it. Yoga is fun for me...but in my teeny-tiny little place of residence

> > they like to call a town...people think I'm talking about Yoda from Star

> > Wars if I ask if there are any yoga classes! So...out of luck on that one.

> >

> >

> > Thanks for letting me vent and any thoughts any of you might have.

> >

> > Robyn

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

lmao!!! THAT is exactly the problem!! It just doesn't cooperate and stay done!! It's endless and so are cooking and dishes too!

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 1:47:52 PMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

Had to add my 'resentment' for housework too - I don't mind doing it IF 'it' will stay DONE - ha ha ha ha!!!Katcha>> Hi Mikki,> Yes, I have the very same housework-resentmen t issues! I never thought of housework in this way though, lol.> > > > > ____________ _________ _________ __> From: "mkbehnke@.. ." <mkbehnke@.. .>> To: IntuitiveEating_ Support@yahoogro ups.com> Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 11:38:32 AM> Subject: Re: [intuitiveEating_ Support] Re: Beyond

frustrated!> > > Hi laurie,> > I really like the idea that any time I feel resentment it is an indicator of a boundary violation- I have housework-resentmen t issues LOL and its eye-opening to consider it that way!> Mikki> > Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry> ____________ _________ _________ __>

[Guest guest]

Very, very funny!!!! If it can find it's own way in, you'd think it could have the decency to leave on it's own!!

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 1:59:14 PMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

Laurie - I still don't know why it is that dust can find its way INto the hosue, but not OUT . . Giggles - Katcha> >> > Hi Mikki,> > Yes, I have the very same housework-resentmen t

issues! I never thought of housework in this way though, lol.> > Hi laurie,> > > > I really like the idea that any time I feel resentment it is an indicator of a boundary violation- I have housework-resentmen t issues LOL and its eye-opening to consider it that way!> > Mikki

[Guest guest]

Haha I'm sure it's a common female theme

It's interesting to watch my emotions as hubby and I go through our role-reversal experiment.  It's been about a month now, and at first it was really liberating to not worry about the house every day.  But as certain things have slid and the corners are getting gunky, so to speak, I found myself resentful that he was letting " his " areas get far nastier than he would ever have let me get them without making cutting remarks to me!!!  I am trying really hard to keep my trap shut and see how he deals with it though, esp. since I'm not the nagging type LOL.  It may have to get pretty bad before he admits how much I've managed to get done all these years

 

On the other hand, I'm quietly sanitizing certain areas that are important to me <wink>

 

But it's really interesting to think back on issues like this in terms of personal boundaries, and how poorly I've managed those boundaries in the past...

 

Mikki

 

Had to add my 'resentment' for housework too - I don't mind doing it IF 'it' will stay DONE - ha ha ha ha!!!Katcha

>> Hi Mikki,> Yes, I have the very same housework-resentment issues!  I never thought of housework in this way though, lol.> > > > > ________________________________

> > To: IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 11:38:32 AM> Subject: Re: Re: Beyond frustrated!

> >   > Hi laurie,> > I really like the idea that any time I feel resentment it is an indicator of a boundary violation- I have housework-resentmen t issues LOL and its eye-opening to consider it that way! > Mikki> > Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry> ________________________________>

[Guest guest]

awesome reply to your husband; it will teach him to think before speaking in these situation :.)

Laurie

To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 8:55:12 PMSubject: Re: Beyond frustrated!

It kind of drives me crazy how my husband's much pickier about the housework when it's me doing it than when he's doing it. It feels sexist to me, and drives me bonkers!!!!! ! I have a new favorite way of dealing with it. If he says something, I say, what a great idea, it would look great done that way. I can't wait to see it when you're done doing it. wink and a smile.Sara