Re: I am doing something wrong

[Guest guest]

Maybe it's exactly as you suspected... you quit caffeine and all these feelings

show up. Maybe for you food is the " next best thing " to keeping feelings down

and out of the way? I know it is for me... Please be gentle with yourself.

You are trying to do something new: go without something that you have used to

hide behind - caffeine.

That's bound to make you nervous and this nervousness may actually not show up

as a clear emotion that you are aware of, feelings can be very sneaky when

you've had lots of practice shoving them down.

You may find that you're actually having a great day and yet, some part of you

might actually find all those positive feelings to be " too much " and may crave

the old comfort of not feeling.

Maybe, for now, you could just try to sit with the feelings of loathing and fear

and just remind yourself gently that you really are taking good care of

yourself, one little step and a time, one little change at a time. You can live

your life without hiding behind substances but it is a process, it takes time,

and all any of us can really do is put one foot in front of the other, not

knowing whether we will stumble and fall or find sure stable ground. Sometimes

it's one, sometimes the other.

Be proud of quitting caffeine - it really is a big thing. And be extra gentle

with yourself as you slowly find stable ground again. If you overeat, be kind

to yourself anyway, even though it is hard to do. Because you are trying to

reconnect with deeper parts of you and it's a precious effort...

Blessings to you,

Agnieszka

>

> I have been attempting the Intuitive Eating thing since June and I am at an

all time high in my weight. I have bought a couple of books about Emotional

Eating, but I am really frustrated and angry at my self. I overate tonight- in

fact I over ate all weekend. And I just feel fat and full of self loathing. I

just woke out of a dead sleep into an anxiety attack. I have been taking

anti-anxiety medication for 10 years or so and I stopped it about a week ago -

because I quit drinking caffiene and felt a lot better. I drank about 6 cups of

coffe and 2 to 4 Iced Teas or Diet sodas a day. That is a lot of caffiene for

someone with an anxiety problem. So I quit for the most part- I am drinking one

cup of caffinated tea a day. After the withdrawals, and of course missing the

habitual comfort of my morning coffee, I felt better. I knew I was using the

caffiene to block emotions to not feel, which seems to be my thing. But this

weekend I have been feeling pretty good - with the exception of a little pre

Thanksgiving family drama - I have been loving being with my husband and child

and doing fun things. So what's up with over eating? I just feel out of

control and scared.

>

[Guest guest]

> Thank you Agnieszka for your support. It really helps. I also read a quote

last night from Elyse Resch's website that made sense to me

• Looking for the moment when you notice that you're comfortably full and

satisfied while eating can present you with a conflict. Although the food may

still taste delicious (although not really as delicious as it did when you were

moderately hungry), you realize that it is time to stop eating, and that can be

a sad and disappointing moment! As you practice tolerating this feeling of

sadness and loss, it will make it easier to tolerate the bigger losses in life.

See this as an opportunity for developing your emotional muscle.

I need practice being able to experience my feelings - good and bad - I am just

not used to it. Plus, when in company - as I was a lot this weekend I get

nervous and hand to mouth of eating - gives ms something to do. It is just hard

to have patience with myself sometimes.

> >

> > I have been attempting the Intuitive Eating thing since June and I am at an

all time high in my weight. I have bought a couple of books about Emotional

Eating, but I am really frustrated and angry at my self. I overate tonight- in

fact I over ate all weekend. And I just feel fat and full of self loathing. I

just woke out of a dead sleep into an anxiety attack. I have been taking

anti-anxiety medication for 10 years or so and I stopped it about a week ago -

because I quit drinking caffiene and felt a lot better. I drank about 6 cups of

coffe and 2 to 4 Iced Teas or Diet sodas a day. That is a lot of caffiene for

someone with an anxiety problem. So I quit for the most part- I am drinking one

cup of caffinated tea a day. After the withdrawals, and of course missing the

habitual comfort of my morning coffee, I felt better. I knew I was using the

caffiene to block emotions to not feel, which seems to be my thing. But this

weekend I have been feeling pretty good - with the exception of a little pre

Thanksgiving family drama - I have been loving being with my husband and child

and doing fun things. So what's up with over eating? I just feel out of

control and scared.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is a really great quote. I think we feel like we shouldn't care so much about food, but we do, so acknowledging -- and really sitting with -- that feeling of disappointment seems really smart!abby

IE since 11/08

 

> Thank you Agnieszka for your support. It really helps. I also read a quote last night from Elyse Resch's website that made sense to me

• Looking for the moment when you notice that you're comfortably full and satisfied while eating can present you with a conflict. Although the food may still taste delicious (although not really as delicious as it did when you were moderately hungry), you realize that it is time to stop eating, and that can be a sad and disappointing moment! As you practice tolerating this feeling of sadness and loss, it will make it easier to tolerate the bigger losses in life. See this as an opportunity for developing your emotional muscle.

I need practice being able to experience my feelings - good and bad - I am just not used to it. Plus, when in company - as I was a lot this weekend I get nervous and hand to mouth of eating - gives ms something to do. It is just hard to have patience with myself sometimes.

> >

> > I have been attempting the Intuitive Eating thing since June and I am at an all time high in my weight. I have bought a couple of books about Emotional Eating, but I am really frustrated and angry at my self. I overate tonight- in fact I over ate all weekend. And I just feel fat and full of self loathing. I just woke out of a dead sleep into an anxiety attack. I have been taking anti-anxiety medication for 10 years or so and I stopped it about a week ago - because I quit drinking caffiene and felt a lot better. I drank about 6 cups of coffe and 2 to 4 Iced Teas or Diet sodas a day. That is a lot of caffiene for someone with an anxiety problem. So I quit for the most part- I am drinking one cup of caffinated tea a day. After the withdrawals, and of course missing the habitual comfort of my morning coffee, I felt better. I knew I was using the caffiene to block emotions to not feel, which seems to be my thing. But this weekend I have been feeling pretty good - with the exception of a little pre Thanksgiving family drama - I have been loving being with my husband and child and doing fun things. So what's up with over eating? I just feel out of control and scared.

> >

>

--

[Guest guest]

If there is anything 'wrong', its thinking/feeling that YOU are 'wrong' (as in

flawed)!! If you choose to make that your starting point, I bet you find you are

on a detour from your IE trail. Not that we can't learn lots and lots from our

mistakes ;-) , but its much more positive to receive (self) loving care that can

and will re-direct you along the path YOU need. My reaction to your anxiety

attack is a question - Do you feel cared for? Not just by yourself, but by those

who are dear to you? Is the caffeine use really a way for your to 'get yourself

going' (when you don't really want to do XX)? Such INternal fighting is bound to

cause you upset and rebellion in whatever form of self care you can manage.

Eating is one of the most used methods for this. Embrace the eating as a big I

LOVE YOU!! and pat yourself on your own back for taking the best care that you

can at this time. I bet you find a huge release in doing that. Then you can go

forward with different self care that YOU choose :)

BEST to you, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> I have been attempting the Intuitive Eating thing since June and I am at an

all time high in my weight. I have bought a couple of books about Emotional

Eating, but I am really frustrated and angry at my self. I overate tonight- in

fact I over ate all weekend. And I just feel fat and full of self loathing. I

just woke out of a dead sleep into an anxiety attack. I have been taking

anti-anxiety medication for 10 years or so and I stopped it about a week ago -

because I quit drinking caffiene and felt a lot better. I drank about 6 cups of

coffe and 2 to 4 Iced Teas or Diet sodas a day. That is a lot of caffiene for

someone with an anxiety problem. So I quit for the most part- I am drinking one

cup of caffinated tea a day. After the withdrawals, and of course missing the

habitual comfort of my morning coffee, I felt better. I knew I was using the

caffiene to block emotions to not feel, which seems to be my thing. But this

weekend I have been feeling pretty good - with the exception of a little pre

Thanksgiving family drama - I have been loving being with my husband and child

and doing fun things. So what's up with over eating? I just feel out of

control and scared.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

It sounds from your description like you are really judging your eating and really being hard on yourself. That's kind of like saying you shouldn't have eaten. I think that will actually lead you to eat more in rebellion to the judging voice. Like in the book where she says the food police voice will trigger the food rebel voice and then a person willl eat even more.

I think you can't hate yourself and be full of self-loathing to succeed at IE. You've got to develop a self-nurturing voice and find a way to reject the critisizing, judging, self-loathing messages that you've internalized.

I think it's hard to give oneself full permission to eat, but I bet if you give yourself total, full unconditional permission to eat exactly what you want and what will satisfy you, AND you do not judge or yell at yourself at all, it will help a lot and you will find yourself eventually eating less and you'll stop gaining weight. And maybe even lose. You'll most likely end up at your natural weight as a side effect of eating intuitively while you do not obsess about weight.

But if you're really focused on weight, and whether you're gaining or losing, then it's hard to give yourself full permission unconditionally, and then it's hard to escape the diet mentality.

I like eating when hungry because the food tastes better then, but I always say to myself, like a mantra; I am allowed to eat whatever I want whenever I want whether hungry or not. And then if I eat when not hungry for whatever the reason, I give myself full permission and do not judge or yell at myself, and i find I eat when not hungry less often and I don't binge, I tend to be satisfied with just a serving if I've truly given myself full permission to eat.

The problem is often the restricting leading to deprivation leading to rebelling and eating.

Also how are you doing with body image issues, sometimes that gets in the way of being able to get away from diet-like thoughts. The chapter on respecting the body is very helpful for this.

Are you sure you ARE in fact eating exactly what you want to eat? Are you choosing grapes when you really want cookies? Are you making all foods totally equal?

Maybe your eating is in response to emotional issues, but make sure it's not in response to the deprivation which they talk about in the Intuitive Eating book.

A great set of books for dealing with emotions are Koenig's "Rules of Normal Eating" and "Food and Feelings Workbook". I don't use them in place of Intuitive Eating or Overcoming Overeating, but they are perfect in conjunction with these approaches.

Good luck,

Laurie

Subject: I am doing something wrongTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, November 29, 2009, 12:25 AM

I have been attempting the Intuitive Eating thing since June and I am at an all time high in my weight. I have bought a couple of books about Emotional Eating, but I am really frustrated and angry at my self.

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much everyone for your input. You gave me a lot to think over. I

really don't think the self loathing is a good thing. It doesn't feel like a

choice or something I am using to motivate myself. I just go there sometimes.

I thought I was giving myself unconditional permission to eat. I am not dieting

for sure. I am not thinking some foods are better than others, consiously.

But, unconsiously, I think the food police are working at me a little bit. And

there is the fact that I am about 20-30 pounds overweight. I just feel too

heavy. And that is not an unrealistic assessment. I am not picking an

unrealistic, unacheivable goal for myself - and it is not a goal. I am willing

to do what it takes to change from the inside out. I just want to be

comfortable in my body and it is hard when I feel so heavy. I am also

struggling with stopping eating when I am comfortabley full. But it is better.

I have been having a much easier time yesterday and today. Thank you!

Georgi

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> Subject: I am doing something wrong

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Sunday, November 29, 2009, 12:25 AM

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> I have been attempting the Intuitive Eating thing since June and I am at an

all time high in my weight. I have bought a couple of books about Emotional

Eating, but I am really frustrated and angry at my self.

>