hello again

[Guest guest]

i sought this group out when i first bought the book. i was convinced IE was

going to save me from my ED. but they tell you if you are not in it 100% it's

not going to work. and soon enough i went back to my old ways. but i'm so tired

of feeling worthless all the time. i'm tired of the numbers (calories, weight)

running my life. honestly, i still don't feel like i have enough strength to do

this but i know in my heart and head that this is really the only way to live.

for me at least. i'll explain a little about myself and my food issues.

about a year ago i lowered my calories drastically. eating under 1000 per day.

and exercising. in a few months time i lost 10lbs. and had developed a whole

slew of issues. i was now deep into the world of anorexia. but i also had a

binge problem. so that lead to a brief episode of bulimia behaviors. that's

about when i tried to get better the first time. and it did help for a while.

but i became so scared about putting weight back on, i still was aiming for

another 10lb. loss. so i returned to the restricting. but the second time around

wasn't so easy. the weight didn't come off and i was binging A LOT. in fact i

gained 5lbs. now i'm binging 3-4 days a week and feel awful. i'm starting to

realize that this goes back all the way to my childhood and how food has always

been a tool of comforting me. and i'm starting to see that there are quite a few

issues all wrapping together. anyways, before i get off on a tangent that may

never stop- i'm am tired of feeling this way. i want to be healthy AND happy. i

need all the support and help i can get. thank you.