The negative

[Guest guest]

I feel very scared about my relationship with my husband.

He is sort of a spineless creature. I dont mean to sound mean but it's the only

way I can describe him.

He sort of molds himself in agreement into any situation without really showing

any emotion - he just is there. He is very submissive. And I realize that part

of what angers me about him I see in myself.

Our marriage was my idea. Having children was my idea. Buying a house was my

idea. Buying the car, dog, rug, chair, aquarium, 2% milk, cat litter were my

idea. Showing affection is almost always my idea. But he is receptive to most

everything.

So I now fear that had I not had the idea, would I even have a marriage?

Is this what I've been eating over all these years?

I mentioned before about asking him for help. The last thing I really want to

do is have " the next idea. " But I think the only way to getting better is

asking him for help. We walked the dogs 1 day last week. 1 day is not enough

for me to get healthy. I'm tired of asking. I feel like I'm not a priority to

him. Doesnt he know how hard it was to ask for help in the first place??!!!!

But I know in order to continue on this " self-care " journey, it means asking for

help. I just hate it and I fantasize that by now after 24 years he would " just

know. "

I guess maybe I could look at him as my teacher - who is showing me the way to

getting better. It just doesnt feel good dammit!

Deb

[Guest guest]

Hi Deb,

Sounds like you have an easy going guy. I would recommend sitting down

and discussing with him that you would like him to make more

suggestions. It might really help you both.

I am currently reading, for a second time, " The Proper Care and Feeding

of Husbands " by Dr. Schlessinger. I know not everyone is a fan,

but I think she has some wonderful things to say, which is why I am

reading her book a second time.

I am sorry you are struggling with your marriage, and I hope that you

are able to come to a peaceful and positive place with it.

Cheri

paquiller wrote:

>

> I feel very scared about my relationship with my husband.

>

> He is sort of a spineless creature. I dont mean to sound mean but it's

> the only way I can describe him.

>

> He sort of molds himself in agreement into any situation without

> really showing any emotion - he just is there. He is very submissive.

> And I realize that part of what angers me about him I see in myself.

>

> Our marriage was my idea. Having children was my idea. Buying a house

> was my idea. Buying the car, dog, rug, chair, aquarium, 2% milk, cat

> litter were my idea. Showing affection is almost always my idea. But

> he is receptive to most everything.

>

> So I now fear that had I not had the idea, would I even have a marriage?

>

> Is this what I've been eating over all these years?

>

> I mentioned before about asking him for help. The last thing I really

> want to do is have " the next idea. " But I think the only way to

> getting better is asking him for help. We walked the dogs 1 day last

> week. 1 day is not enough for me to get healthy. I'm tired of asking.

> I feel like I'm not a priority to him. Doesnt he know how hard it was

> to ask for help in the first place??!!!!

>

> But I know in order to continue on this " self-care " journey, it means

> asking for help. I just hate it and I fantasize that by now after 24

> years he would " just know. "

>

> I guess maybe I could look at him as my teacher - who is showing me

> the way to getting better. It just doesnt feel good dammit!

>

> Deb

>

>

[Guest guest]

Deb,

I understand the fear of asking for help. I never have had chance to get marry

at all. Either do I feel the desire for it.

However, I do have problem of ask for help from some certain people. Because

they will look down on me like they are super and better than me for various

reasons. To the point I have had no longer ask for help again for so long. Every

time I knew I really truly needs help but I always feel very extreme anxious

just simply to ask from some other people I know that willing help me no matter

what yet still very anxious that will prevent me from even speak out.

Eliza

>

> I feel very scared about my relationship with my husband.

>

> He is sort of a spineless creature. I dont mean to sound mean but it's the

only way I can describe him.

>

> He sort of molds himself in agreement into any situation without really

showing any emotion - he just is there. He is very submissive. And I realize

that part of what angers me about him I see in myself.

>

> Our marriage was my idea. Having children was my idea. Buying a house was my

idea. Buying the car, dog, rug, chair, aquarium, 2% milk, cat litter were my

idea. Showing affection is almost always my idea. But he is receptive to most

everything.

>

> So I now fear that had I not had the idea, would I even have a marriage?

>

> Is this what I've been eating over all these years?

>

> I mentioned before about asking him for help. The last thing I really want to

do is have " the next idea. " But I think the only way to getting better is

asking him for help. We walked the dogs 1 day last week. 1 day is not enough

for me to get healthy. I'm tired of asking. I feel like I'm not a priority to

him. Doesnt he know how hard it was to ask for help in the first place??!!!!

>

> But I know in order to continue on this " self-care " journey, it means asking

for help. I just hate it and I fantasize that by now after 24 years he would

" just know. "

>

> I guess maybe I could look at him as my teacher - who is showing me the way to

getting better. It just doesnt feel good dammit!

>

> Deb

>

[Guest guest]

One of the greatest fears I have come to realize about asking for help is that

the other can (will?) say No. Rejection, even the anticipation of that

possibility, tends to prevent the asking? But what I have come to find about

seeking help has been learned mainly here - that there are others who can see

what I don't for myself and are willing to (gently) provide me with options that

I can't or don't see/find for myself. ASKing is big step! I needed to get myself

'ready' for it too

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> >

> > I feel very scared about my relationship with my husband.

> >

> > He is sort of a spineless creature. I dont mean to sound mean but it's the

only way I can describe him.

> >

> > He sort of molds himself in agreement into any situation without really

showing any emotion - he just is there. He is very submissive. And I realize

that part of what angers me about him I see in myself.

> >

> > Our marriage was my idea. Having children was my idea. Buying a house was

my idea. Buying the car, dog, rug, chair, aquarium, 2% milk, cat litter were my

idea. Showing affection is almost always my idea. But he is receptive to most

everything.

> >

> > So I now fear that had I not had the idea, would I even have a marriage?

> >

> > Is this what I've been eating over all these years?

> >

> > I mentioned before about asking him for help. The last thing I really want

to do is have " the next idea. " But I think the only way to getting better is

asking him for help. We walked the dogs 1 day last week. 1 day is not enough

for me to get healthy. I'm tired of asking. I feel like I'm not a priority to

him. Doesnt he know how hard it was to ask for help in the first place??!!!!

> >

> > But I know in order to continue on this " self-care " journey, it means asking

for help. I just hate it and I fantasize that by now after 24 years he would

" just know. "

> >

> > I guess maybe I could look at him as my teacher - who is showing me the way

to getting better. It just doesnt feel good dammit!

> >

> > Deb

> >

>