Re: struggling...

November 11, 2009

,

I’m in the EXACT same place as you. I could have typed your exact

post. I’ve been too embarrassed

to say it, so I’m glad you brought it

up, so I can chime in. I have these conflicting thoughts in my head all the

time.....I joined the IE list last week and every time I read a post, I think “YES!” That sounds right.

That is how I want to live my life. But then I see a famous person (

Aniston) or someone at the gym (I’m a fitness instructor) and I experience massive self-hatred,

perpetuated by my out of control eating as of late...and I think dieting is the

fastest way to get the weight off, so I better start counting calories

again....I’m with you . I

have no words of advice, hope or inspiration for you...and I wish I did. Because

if I had those words for you, I’d have them for me.

Realistically my head knows that I would

rather do IE and lose even .5 pounds per month (I’m overweight and do need to lose 20-30 pounds) I would rather do

that and consistently lose .5 per month for the next 5 years and get RIGHT in

my head.....instead of losing 20 pounds in 2 months on a DIET...and then

gaining it back or not fixing my “inside” and then regaining the weight later on.

I do want healing....but I also want

weight loss...and the battle rages within me.

Jolene

struggling...

Hi everybody,

I'm really struggling. I fell back into the diet thoughts, thinking that would

fix everything. Even started counting calories for a couple days. And I just

feel horrible. Counting calories makes me feel like I'm not good enough

" as is " and I feel insecure and unloved. I just feel embarrassed that

I've gained weight, and my clothes are tight. I don't know how to make this

hopeless feeling go away. I just want to be normal, and happy that I'm healthy

and alive. But, I still feel so sad. I know dieting doesn't work and I know

it's not the answer. But sometimes it looks like a glimmer of hope to a future

of being comfortable in my body.

I don't know how to get past this...

Thank you for reading,

November 11, 2009

Hi (and Jolene), I tend to go on and on so I'll TRY to be concise

>I fell back into the diet thoughts, thinking that would fix everything

When this happens, do a reality check. Has it ever worked before? (and even if you have lost weight in the past via dieting, either you rebounded or felt so awful during the process that you ended up here!). If it didn't fix everything before, it won't " this " time, either!!!

>Counting calories makes me feel like I'm not good enough " as is " and I feel insecure and unloved.

I think this is really, really important. I have been there, and I'm just now (at age 43) starting to climb out of that pit of despair. I believe (YMMV) that in the past you have counted calories BECAUSE you didn't feel good enough, secure, or loved. And now you have a vicious cycle that either thought will trigger the other. It's vital that you address the core issue of WHAT makes you feel insecure and unloved. Your eating habits are nothing more than an expression of these feelings- whether it's binging or restricting, it is an effect, not a cause.

Why are you embarrased that you gained weight? Is it because you view weight gain as " failure " ? That either " IE doesn't work " , or " I cant do IE right? " . Question the belief that weight gain is failure. Who says???? Weight gain is an expression of your process so far. It's not good or bad, it's not even a result - after all, " result " implies an end point! You're not done - you've just begun!

Now, I don't know your exact situation, if you are 100 lbs " overweight " or have a BMI of 20, but here is some " food " for thought Yesterday I attended a research seminar where evidence was shown that for every measure of social and psychological health studied (including bipolar and other mental illness!), being classified as " overweight " (according to BMI) is more protective than being " normal " weight -- that is, " overweight " men and women are more mentally healthy, more socially adjusted, less prone to anxiety, depression, impulsive behavior, etc. sooooo... perhaps it's time for us as a society to rethink what " normal " weight is, or ought to be, and stop judging ourselves so harshly when we don't fit someone else's definition of what WE " ought " to be!

hope this helps I'll try to write more when I get home from work

Mikki

November 11, 2009

, I think of IE as a 'feast' which one can't eat in one big bite! Of

course we all want to stuff and pig out on all the wonderful delights that sit

before us, but our poor tummies couldn't handle that very well. Sooooo, with

that in mind, I sat back, selected the most tasty item, savored it and tried to

follow the satisfaction that it gave me afterwords and then promised myself the

next wonderful tidbit, when I was ready once again to eat it.

So goes IE in adding it to our lives - little bit at a time. Stopping the weight

gain can be like stopping a locomotive - it doesn't happen on a 'dime' either

;-)

Keep up the good work and share here any and every time you need support. It

will happen for you if you give it a chance and the time needed for IE to get

working for you.

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> Hi everybody,

>

> I'm really struggling. I fell back into the diet thoughts, thinking that

would fix everything. Even started counting calories for a couple days. And I

just feel horrible. Counting calories makes me feel like I'm not good enough

" as is " and I feel insecure and unloved. I just feel embarrassed that I've

gained weight, and my clothes are tight. I don't know how to make this hopeless

feeling go away. I just want to be normal, and happy that I'm healthy and

alive. But, I still feel so sad. I know dieting doesn't work and I know it's

not the answer. But sometimes it looks like a glimmer of hope to a future of

being comfortable in my body.

>

> I don't know how to get past this...

>

> Thank you for reading,

>

November 11, 2009

Mikki you are so sweet. I love reading your posts.

>

> Hi (and Jolene), I tend to go on and on so I'll TRY to be concise

>

> >I fell back into the diet thoughts, thinking that would fix everything

>

> When this happens, do a reality check. Has it ever worked before? (and even

> if you have lost weight in the past via dieting, either you rebounded or

> felt so awful during the process that you ended up here!). If it didn't fix

> everything before, it won't " this " time, either!!!

>

> >Counting calories makes me feel like I'm not good enough " as is " and I feel

> insecure and unloved.

>

> I think this is really, really important. I have been there, and I'm just

> now (at age 43) starting to climb out of that pit of despair. I believe

> (YMMV) that in the past you have counted calories BECAUSE you didn't feel

> good enough, secure, or loved. And now you have a vicious cycle that either

> thought will trigger the other. It's vital that you address the core issue

> of WHAT makes you feel insecure and unloved. Your eating habits are nothing

> more than an expression of these feelings- whether it's binging or

> restricting, it is an effect, not a cause.

>

> Why are you embarrased that you gained weight? Is it because you view

> weight gain as " failure " ? That either " IE doesn't work " , or " I cant do IE

> right? " . Question the belief that weight gain is failure. Who says????

> Weight gain is an *expression* of your process so far. It's not good or

> bad, it's not even a *result* - after all, " result " implies an end point!

> You're not done - you've just begun!

>

> Now, I don't know your exact situation, if you are 100 lbs " overweight " or

> have a BMI of 20, but here is some " food " for thought Yesterday I

> attended a research seminar where evidence was shown that for

> *every*measure of social and psychological health studied (including

> bipolar and

> other mental illness!), being classified as " overweight " (according to BMI)

> is more protective than being " normal " weight -- that is, " overweight " men

> and women are more mentally healthy, more socially adjusted, less prone to

> anxiety, depression, impulsive behavior, etc. sooooo... perhaps it's time

> for us as a society to rethink what " normal " weight is, or ought to be, and

> stop judging ourselves so harshly when we don't fit someone else's

> definition of what WE " ought " to be!

>

> hope this helps I'll try to write more when I get home from work

>

> Mikki

>

November 11, 2009

Jolene,

That must be a source of constant frustration to see other 'perfect' people and

find yourself not so 'perfect'. But really, you and I both know that what you

are seeing is either someone with fabulous genes, or a very deep need to APPEAR

'prefect'.

I bet you look pretty darn good right now! Only you look at yourself with a

'should' image draped all over yourself IE is not only about eating for

hunger, its also about finding the reality of your body and appreciating it as

it is now. Gillian, who is this group's owner, is not only an IE coach, her

degree is in exercise physiology so you may want to consider talking with her

about how she came to blend the 2 into a happy body for herself.

Best to you, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> ,

>

> I'm in the EXACT same place as you. I could have typed your exact post.

> I've been too embarrassed to say it, so I'm glad you brought it up, so I can

> chime in. I have these conflicting thoughts in my head all the time.....I

> joined the IE list last week and every time I read a post, I think " YES! "

> That sounds right. That is how I want to live my life. But then I see a

> famous person ( Aniston) or someone at the gym (I'm a fitness

> instructor) and I experience massive self-hatred, perpetuated by my out of

> control eating as of late...and I think dieting is the fastest way to get

> the weight off, so I better start counting calories again....I'm with you

> . I have no words of advice, hope or inspiration for you...and I

> wish I did. Because if I had those words for you, I'd have them for me.

>

> Realistically my head knows that I would rather do IE and lose even .5

> pounds per month (I'm overweight and do need to lose 20-30 pounds) I would

> rather do that and consistently lose .5 per month for the next 5 years and

> get RIGHT in my head.....instead of losing 20 pounds in 2 months on a

> DIET...and then gaining it back or not fixing my " inside " and then regaining

> the weight later on.

>

> I do want healing....but I also want weight loss...and the battle rages

> within me.

>

> Jolene

November 22, 2009

Hi everybody

I has taken me forever to find a chance to sit down and write back, but I just

want to say THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I can't express how wonderful it made me

feel to read your replies and feel the support you all offered.

I've been doing a little better. So much of this is mental for me. I think my

biggest problem is loving and respecting myself and without that, I don't listen

to and trust my body. So, that's been my focus lately. I've been trying to be

a little more assertive because my opinions DO matter. And I've been really

paying attention to how my body feels when I eat certain foods.

I've noticed that I struggle with a lot of insecurity especially in my

relationship. And I think I've been eating to change how I'm feeling when I

feel 'unloved' by my boyfriend. He's not as affectionate as I am and for a

while I've been telling myself it's because I've gained weight. That's

ridiculous, right??? He didn't just all the sudden become less affectionate,

that's just how he has always been. But, I make everything about my

weight...like I'm a victim of my weight...

Jolene, what you wrote about seeing someone beautiful at the gym and feeling

bad, I can't tell you how many times I've experienced that. I'll be having a

great day and then be at dinner with my boyfriend and see a woman that looks

'perfect' and all I can think about is how imperfect I am...

This is such a tough process, working through all these issues, but I know that

someday it will be worth it. Ignoring the issues and my feelings and myself is

what got me to the point of not knowing myself or loving myself. So, I'm trying

to be mindful and in the moment. It's a little scary, but it really does feel

wonderful to check in with your body to see how it feels, it's kind of

empowering...

Thanks for reading my ramblings